Please help me, so depressed I can't function.

Question

Things are very bad for us.

My hubby is unskilled and can't get a decent job - well he currently works as a delivery driver on minimum wage. He gets turned down for every other job he applies for.

He recently applied to be a trainee bus driver (better wages) as the wage is better but despite trying really hard with his application form and interview they have rejected him, even though this company is always taking on staff. I guess he's unemployable in anything other than a manual capacity.

He works 14 hours a day and I work part time too so we rarely see each other and we still live in poverty. I worry for our 21 month old son - I can't see what future we can give him. We have no quality of life.

We can't afford for my hubby to retrain, there is no Government help because he is already working. He cannot afford to give up work as we could not keep a roof over our heads if he did.

I'm also very depressed about the fact that I can't have another child - yes I know we can't afford it, but I so desperately want another baby and nothing will make this urge go away. I have fertility problems and would need IVF to conceive again, which obviously we will never afford.

I honestly feel my son would be better off without me Quite frankly I wish I was dead right now. I have no hope for the future. Please help me.

Answer 1

Sweetie, don't be so hard on yourself.  Chin up, girlfriend... you're doing every thing you can do.  It could be worse.  So much worse.  Are there food pantries in the UK?  Churches that help out with things like that?  If you're not a church-type person, can you ask your parents for help... even if they can't loan money, perhaps they could help with food?

I don't even know you, but if I lived near you, I would be helping you out with groceries for you and your little one, until you get more comfortable with your income and situation.  

Best of luck to you.  

Answer 2

Having recognised you depression is the first vital step.

Go to your GP and seek treatment.

Ask at the CAB if there are benefits you are not claiming (Tax credit, housing benefit, etc)

Answer 3

don't give up isn't there a job centre your husband can go to he can retrain with help from them and there is always learn direct they do free english and maths courses he can brush up on and he will get a qualification and then he can go for a better job you are not failures you and your husband are doing the most important job in the world you are parents and your son loves and needs you both don't wish yourself dead i ma being bullied at work and i feel the same and i am trying to get another job  go and see your doctor and get a check up you are maybe run down as well as depressed please get some help soon everything will work out you will see  

Answer 4

I think you should be thankful for what you have,  you have a hardworking husband who strive to do his best to earn money for you and your baby,  you need to appreciate what he is doing,  it is hard to find a job even you are skilled,  you just need to live one day at a time,  life is hard now a day,  at least you have work and you can eat each day,  you should be thankful of that,  somebody is more worse than you.

The thing is you have to face it with confidence and happiness,  at least you are with your family,  you should treasure your moment with each other,  life is short,  make every day a happy day and a useful day.  Do not worry about tomorrow,  for today have its own problem,  take care for today's needs first,  and God will provide for tomorrow.  You think how can the birds survive with their daily needs,  how God take care of them,  Should not He take care of you?  when He loves you so much,  just put your trust on Jesus.

I hope you will surpass all your difficulties in life,  not all day is like that.  When you sow hard work,  you will harvest good result for your hard work,  do not lose hope,  there will be a brighter hope for tomorrow.  Think positively and you will gain positive result.  

Answer 5

Instead of counting all the negative things in your life, count the positives:

1. You have a husband who is working and trying to achieve a better life for you and your son.

2. You still have a roof over your head and have meals to eat.

3. There is still hope even though you may not be able to see it but it's having faith that through effort, work, love you'll be able to move up.

4. See where you can cut back even more (that may mean giving up internet connection, cell phone, cable). There is no expense that is fixed. If it needs to go for the short term so that you have more money to use for necessities than do what you have to for your family.

5. You have a healthy son and husband (some wish they had both and don't)

See what options are available. Maybe look into your husband going into a trade school. Or depending on his other skills (like he's good with fixing things in the house), have him look in the paper or take an ad out to be a handy man. When you have a family, you have to do things in order to survive and thrive. You also need to teach your son about putting in a honest and hard's days work is what is going to get you want you want.

I know that right now you are seeing on the clouds and not the silver lining but I must say, it's extremely selfish of you to wish yourself dead. There is no trouble in life that should want you to remove yourself from your son or your husband who depend on you.

The first thing that has to change is your attitude. Start thinking good and positive thoughts, let your husband know how much you appreciate him and his efforts to provide for your family, play with your son and see his eyes light up whenever he sees you. Nothing will change unless you start to become the change.  

Answer 6

nah you never have to think that way you have to put your head up high no matter what because now you have a family so you can't just think for your self. the kid needs a mom he really doesn't need money but i know that would sure help but you have to think whats best for all of you. and yeah you can get government help there this thing like week or something where they give you food for the baby and you. its not much but its something. they also try to find you and your hubby a better job.

my tip to you is don't give up because you decide what becomes of you son. just look for help and you'll find that people are willing to help you greatly! keep your head up ok don't look down hope i helped

life's lesson: if we feel like giving up on our selves people around you will give up on you  

Answer 7

The good news is, you have recognized that you are depressed.  If you have health care, please seek help.  If not, don't despair.  Do you have a library card?  Check out some books about depression.  Search the net.  Your son needs you.  

You are not the first family to be poor.  You said that you have a roof over your head, right?  It could be so much worse.    Your husband is willing to work and you are too.  You are not stuck depending on the government or living in a homeless shelter or car.

You do not mention where you live.  Have you ever thought of moving to another region or emigrating to another country?  

Again, things could be worse.  You have the dignity of working.  You have a son who needs and loves you and a spouse, too.  

Never give up.  

Answer 8

There is an old song that goes - count your blessings, name them one by one and it will surprise you what the lord has done. Sometimes it takes just that to keep things in perspective. I'm not talking rubbish either. I got married and in the 1st year I had my daughter, and buried my husband. I now have multiple sclerosis, can't work and am on a really tight budget. Having said that, when I look around there is always someone worse off than yourself.

I think it's law but I'm not sure that if you go for an interview and you're unsuccessful, you can ask the interviewer why you weren't successful and they have to tell you.

There are training programmes you can do on line with qualifications at the end of the course. They are always being advertised on tv. Some of the courses are free too.

You and your husband are the most important people in your son's life! You might not have much financially to give him but you can give him unconditional love and be there for him irrespective of where he goes in life.

I was blessed to have my daughter (in such a short space of time). You are blessed to have your son. There are things only you can give him and to wish yourself dead would deny him in so many ways. Your son has two loving parents, don't take that for granted. I know what it's like holding my daughter, crying for her dad and hurting because she has no memory of him (she was 6 months old when he died). Our children are blessing we can count - there's much more when we sit down and think about it.

ps Sometimes our failures can be our greatest successes