Please help me!!! Being constantly rejected in life has turned me into a bitter, withdraw, snob?

Question

I spend most of my time in my head thinking about hurting people that have hurt me. Not physically, just emotionally by being somewhere with them and not paying them much attention & turning down there invitations. What should I do? I'm in therapy & meds it's not working. My chest is literally burning right now. It burns a lot.

Answer 1

Considering that I know nothing about your personality, this is purely a guess.  Could it be that you expect to be emotionally hurt, so you project that?  And, along with that, you're probably putting up a stony  emotional shield to protect yourself from further hurts..  I used to do that.  I don't know how I overcame it, maybe it was just getting older and learning to think that I'm a wonderful person and people who don't like me don't know what they're missing.

Answer 2

You could try:

getting a different therapist or medication

going to church

reading self-help books (like Wayne Dyer or someone)

exercise (it can burn off some of the stress chemicals)

get out and do things (to get out of your head more)

do deep breathing & visualization (see how you want to be)

Answer 3

Your plan does not seem to be working.  Do you think that the people who hurt you spend as much time think about their victory over you and discuss it with their shrink.  No!  The fact that this has become an unhealthy obsession with you and affected your quality of life means you need to find another outlet for your rage.

Sorry to say that slighting them and turing down their invitation won't have much affect on people like that.  And do you think they would be hurt by a bitter, withdrawn, snob turning them down?  No, you need to leave the past in the past and focus on a more positive future.  If your still being rejected, or you feel that way, it is probably your current emotions and state of mind that drives others away.

Answer 4

Life is far too short to spend it wishing revenge on others.  You need to develop a positive attitude and in return you will meet positive people.  Stop focusing on the negative and the past and move forward with a better outlook.  Keep up the therapy but with a different attitude.  Seems to me you are too focused on what you would like to do to those people so the therapy isn't effective.  Once you drop that fantasy you will be able to work on being happier.

Answer 5

this may sound harsh, but you are putting yourself there. you are choosing to feel this way and you are choosing the way you handle it. I have been there myself and the most simpliest thing was actually the hardest thing to do. I let it go. I forgave and I had a hard as h**l time doing so. I wanted to be vindictive and get back at those that hurt me, but what I was doing was hurting myself the more I targeted those people. I passed the blame when it was me that needed to accept it. I am not saying that you are not justified to feel the way you do, many times when we are wronged, we are right to feel the injstice of a situation, but learning to accept and move on is where it gets hard. It's hard and I feel for you, but I am a much happier person now in my life since I let the anger go and let the love it. Remember 'Its All GOOD!  

Answer 6

I too used to spend most of my time in my head. Those thoughts, that consciousness is your ego. It is not who you are. We are not our jobs, we are not what others see, we are not our past. Those things define our ego.

I have been trying to sublimate my ego for some time now, and not with much success. I just knew and believed that there was more to us than what we know. I came across this book, and I laughed when I began to read it, because it says many of the things I already believed. I think it might help you - Eckhart Tolle "A New Earth"

Answer 7

I feel your pain.  Been there, done that.  I like the tools you are using to help yourself.  I used drugs and alcohol to put out that fire.  In the end I ended up with trouble on top of hurt - so my tools were ineffective and devastating.  

I know this sounds crazy, but give it a whirl:  Pray for the S.O.B.'s every day like this, "Dear God, please give (insert persons name) every thing they want, need and DESERVE).  If you don't believe in God, pray to what you do believe in.  Practice this each day for 2 weeks.  They may not change, but you will soften up a little bit.  That's a promise.  

Also, get a journal (or notebook or whatever) and write it all down.  Sometimes we're embarrassed to say how we really really feel to another human for fear of more judgement and rejection.  Your journal is your safe place.  Get it out - on paper.  It's very healing.

And finally, remember to laugh.  Go out of your way to watch comedies that make you laugh.  You're in a web of seriousness that is physically debilitating and that's dangerous for your health and spirit.  It's okay that you feel your feelings, but it's time to address them consistently until you are free of these resentments.  It takes time, be patient with yourself.  

Finally, remember that what you are doing is drinking the poison you intended for others and hoping they'll die.  They hurt you, now you're hurting you - doesn't make sense.  You can get out of this, I believe in you.