Please help me: Husband is watching p**n hideously?

Question

My husband promised me that he is not going to watch p**n anymore. I haven't had any idea but I found out that he created a different account and watching p**n from that. He told me that he needs stimulation and I don't stimulate him at all. He masturbates daily when I am at work. He doesn't work but he is looking for work so money is not a problem right now but I feel so rejected and neglected. I am really attractive women. I still have guys hit on me at work all the time. Its not that I don't please him. Whenever he wants s*x or pleasure I gave him. I never said no in my life to him. Even when I was sick and on medication he sit on my face and I had to do it. I never said no because I felt that it will hurt his feelings but now our s*x life is h**l. He just do quickie and that's it. No lovemaking or foreplay or anything. I am so depressed. I have been married for only a year. To be quite honest there was one time I left him for watching p**n and masturbating and he apologized to me and said that he is not going to do it again. But he was doing it hideously. I don't get mad on him watching p**n as long as our s*x life is ok but when it starts affecting it thats where I get sad. I told him that if he wants to watch p**n I can watch it with him. But he seems just so much addicted. we did therapy and it didn't work. He knows I can't leave him because my family abandoned me because of marrying him. I left my culture, family and everything for him and now I feel I made a big mistake. But I still want to help him. I can't give up on him that easily so please don't give me suggestions to leave him. I love him a lot. He thinks that I can't divorce him off of p**n. He said that he is fantasizing now whenever we have s*x. And I can tell because he just looks outside the window when we are having s*x( when I get lucky). I never fantasize abt anyone when I have s*x with him. I feel suicidal now because I can't leave him. He is my first love/s*x partner but I am not his first. I thought that he doesn't watch p**n anymore and I told him couple of times that "I am happy that you don't watch p**n anymore" and he said "yeah". I feel so stupid now that I was thinking that now we are good. I come to yahoo answers to get some help or advices. we tried s*x games, books almost everything. But now I don't stimulate him at all. I feel like I am his s*x puppet that whenever HE feels like it he does it. I feel like I don't have feelings. I completely understand that masturbation is healthy because then you don't get prostate cancer but prefer masturbation and p**n over wife. IS THAT FAIR. PLEASE HELP ME!

Answer 1

OMG its like you are living my life 2 years ago. i finally packed my bags and put them by the door and when he got home from work i told him its me or the p**n. it worked i keep a close eye one him now and no more p**n in over a year. but you have to be prepared that he may pick p**n over you but at least you know and you can move on  

Answer 2

Its called p**n additction, or s*x addiction. Girl you have no idea how big this is.

It has nothing to do with you or you as a person.

He has the problem. It is just as bad as an alcoholic.

Run.

My dad has struggled with the addiction his whole life, and my mom cant leave him because she is financially dependant on him. She is miserable.

He's already made his choice, he said he is not going to leave p**n and I believe him.

Even if he did, it is much harder than going to AA.

Being a alcholic, you can avoid bars, the beer section of the grocery store, and keeping alcohol in the house.

Plus there are many more support groups for AA than there are p**n addicts.

Everytime he sees a short skirt or a little cleavage, all of those p**n images are going to replay in his mind.

Watching p**n all the time, changes the chemistry in his brain.

The chemicals released when watching p**n, are much, much more powerful than any drug. Dont believe me? Google it.

I know. I've been watching this play out my whole life.

You say your in debt. Do you think staying with him is going to get you out of debt? I hope he wins the lottery. But wait. Even if he did, that money would go to his "habit"

Feel free to email me, and if you want you can have my number.

No matter what you always have options.

Only you can stop this destrutive relationship.

Do you want to be miserable the rest of your married life?

I wish you the best, let me know if you need anything.

Mens minds work and store information differently, when you are having s*x all he is doing is replaying those images that are stored in his mind.  

Answer 3

why don't you try to initiate s*x instead of waiting on him.

Answer 4

Call the internet company and cancel your internet at home.  He is not finding a job because he is too busy playing with himself.  He is not turned on by you because he is looking at fake unrealistic women on the net.  Call your family and see if they will take you back.  You can leave him, since you are the one making the money, start saving and get and apt and walk away.

Answer 5

You have a lot going on here. p**n itself is not the problem. Most men look at p**n even if their wives say they can't. That is just how men are. The thing that bothers me is that you say he is really fast and to the point with you. I watch p**n and want to try what I see with my wife. She is not into s*x that much so she sees me watching p**n as a way for me not to bug her. We do watch together sometimes and that really seems to get her in the mood. Have you tried watching with your husband? You should and talk about what is going on on the screen. If this is happening only after one year of marriage.........   Good Luck.

Answer 6

What a disrespectful jerk.  He's mentally ill and needs help. You need to leave him to his p**n fun.  Gather up all the evidence you can and file for divorce and take him for half he owns.  He is a waste of skin.

Answer 7

You made a mistake by leaving everything for this man. He obviously knows that he has you in a situation that you can't get out of. He also sounds abusive. My husband and I have watched p**n together in the past but it has never become a problem. He doesn't seem to respect you at all. Why do you still love him? I cannot tell you do try something as you have apparently tried all you can. What I can say is if you are able to maintain the both of you on your own, there is no reason you should remain with him. He is only bringing you down. Start making friends. Show him that your life does not revolve around him. When he wants s*x do not give it to him. Demonstrate to your husband that you can have your own life if he is not willing to participate in your union as a couple. Make him get a job to pay for his half of things. Maybe he is to comfortable in the life he has with you and needs a good wake up call.

Answer 8

He is a PERV....

It is up to YOU if you wish to continue to live this way....

Good luck.

Answer 9

Are you making this up?

Answer 10

I think your husband is a jerk.  And no it IS UNFAIR!! I understand your pain.  I have been married a year and month my husband watches p**n as well and stays up playing video games.  What I do is I confronted him and he said like your husband I wont do it again but he does.  I just leave him be because no matter what I  say he is going to do what he wants.  They are like children, the more you tell them not do it they will continue doing it.  Maybe you should try to get him into marriage counsellings.  

Answer 11

Please don't waste your life with this loser, he is not fit to call himself a man!  You have nothing to lose by leaving, plenty if you stay, he will continue in the same way, as you are taking all the responsibility in your home. the debt will get worse, he should be out every day seeking work, he is a slob and does not deserve a good woman like you.  When you have found yourself a real and good man you will look back and realize that what you feel is not true love.

You deserve to be cherished and cared for, go, & let him waste the rest of his life festering away in a sad unreal world.  

Answer 12

Your only punishing yourself staying with him . You keep coming up with excuses like "You cant divorce over p**n " Lame you can divorce if you dont like the way his f**t smells and " You dont want to divorce because he has nothing but debt that you can take " Lame again . What you going to do wait for more bills to pile up ? The way it looks to me is " you like it you love it and you want some more of it " Anyone that lets a person sit of there face and stays with them has got to be insane them self .  

Answer 13

WHen guys watch p**n, it really has nothing to do with whether their wife is attractive or not.  He was doing this long before he was married to you. A compromise is in order, but don't come at him in a way that is going to put him on the defensive, he will never listen to you that way.  

Be understanding about it.  Let him know you understand it.  But that you will like it if he didn't do it as much.  You get more flies with honey!

Answer 14

Leave his sorry a**! The problem with men and who are p**n addicts, is that they begin to confuse fantasy with reality. They being to think that their own s*x life should be exactly how they see in p**n. (I had a boyfriend who absolutely idolize a certain p**n star and tried to copy his every move in bed. Truth be told, he wasn't even all that good! )When their partner does not meet up with these unrealistic standards, they begin to become emotionally detached. p**n addiction is very hard to overcome, let him to work out his own personal issues, these have absolutely nothing to do with you. If you stay you will be completely miserable for s*x should be a passionate and emotional experience, not something copied out of a p**n movie.  

Also, please dont feel as though you "need" a man. A man is an accessory, not a necessity. I know its hard being alone, especially with no family(I dont really talk to my family either), but work on getting yourself together so that you be completely independent of him. Also try reconciling with your family. Maybe the reason they didnt like this guy was because they saw something you didnt.  

Answer 15

sounds to me like you have to take your power back.  he has made you a doormat for too long.  the fact that you are disregarding your own needs means that you are not being taken care of in this marriage.  instead of asking that he get help and that you go to therapy, demand that you go.  nothing is going to change as long as you just go with the flow.  that's ridiculous.  please, understand that if he is addicted to p**n, it has nothing to do with how attractive that you are.  he would still be an addict even if you were cindy crawford.  what you need is to have a big dose of counseling, fast.

Answer 16

You know what? As long as I have been on Y!A you have been complaining about it.

If you can't stand on your hindlegs and put an end to it you deserve to be there.

I would under NO CIRCUMSTANCES AT ALL allow my husband to walk all over me like you allow it!

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about your situation.

You say you love him and don't want to divorce him? Don't complain then. You said yourself that you've tried everything, so live with it or leave!!!