Please help me! I'm losing the man who has made my life worth living. ?

Question

11 years ago I was raped and I spent the next 6 years in a daze. I went out with lots of different blokes but I could never commit to any of them. Then I met a guy and started dating him and within 2 weeks i was madly in love. I told him that I couldn't see him again but he wanted to know why so I told him everything. He said he loved me and I told him to. He said he would always be there and he has been. Through my bad times he held me and he made loads of good times for me. Now he has said he can't cope anymore. As you may of seen I have written previous questions but this is a more truthful question. I want him to know I want him more than ever as my love is so strong. But how can i get him to see he should hang on in there? Please help?

Answer 1

I only say this because it sounds like things I've been through.

So if I'm a little off, sorry b/c we don't know each other.

You're self esteem is low and you feel shame because of your past trauma.

There is a difference between shame and guilt.

Goggle it and you'll see what I mean.

You also sound co-dependent to this man and that's not healthy.

Your whole identity is connected to him.

Best advice is see a counselor / therapist and try to work through your feelings.

You don't deserve to feel this way and he isn't the last guy for you.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

If he can't cope he can't cope. You need to move on and find someone else to be your rock, this one seems to have up and floated away on you.  

Answer 3

He's got to live him life for himself, and you for yourself. You need to learn not to base your happiness on someone else or their behavior.

Things don't always work out as we desire, and relationships often eventually run their course. Be happy you had this person in your life for as long as you did, and shared the things you shared. If he feels he can't "cope" then respect that and allow him to move on. "Can't cope" means he's not happy...don't try to force him to stay in a situation where he's not happy, just because it's what you want. If the desire to be together isn't mutual, then it shouldn't occur.

Hopefully you two can at least remain friends...but in the mean time I suggest you get counseling to deal with the issues in your past, and to help you learn to love yourself and be emotionally independent, and not think you've falled in love with someone after knowing them 2 wks....

Good luck!

Answer 4

This guy was here when you really really needed someone, and you are right to be grateful, but now that he is unable to cope, you have got to take the next step forward in life, and to be totally honest, he may be right in thinking the next step should be on your own.

Back off and give him space, time to think and such, if you are feeling stresses and pressured and like you need someone there, go to a professional counslor, it is time to TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK from the person who hurt you and to do it on your own. You lost a PART of yourself when that horrible thing happened, but don't give your whole self over to it! You deserve far better then that.

Another good idea would to be look for support groups, with other people that have been in your situation....... you will be surprised at how much it REALLY will help you!

Best of luck...................

Answer 5

you gotta try and give him space, i mean he's been a great man to you and you didn't appreciate that until now, so , it's your turn to show him how much you appreciated having him around. show the guy a little love, respect and appreciation dats all i can say to you for now