Please help me! I have problems with my autistic sibling?

Question

Hello everyone. I have a lot of troubles with my 13 year old low function autistic brother.

Currently, I feel immense denial and anger. I don't even tell this to my closest friends, but from experience, telling others your situation can really help.

Well, the reason why is because, when I was younger, my other brother (who is healthy) told his classmates that his brother became diagnosed with autism. Coming from a tight ethnic background school, the message spread fast, and soon our closest family friends left us, thinking that we are somehow a disease. We would get stares at church, because one of us had to stay home while the rest of the family went for service. I remember then how hurtful it was, I didn't understand. Ever since, my parents told me that I musn't tell others that I have an autistic brother; that I have 2 brothers, not 3.

It's hurtful for me. I used to have a very close friend. I thought that I should tell him about the secret, on why he can't come over, or why there were days I couldn't come to school. After telling him however, he only seemed happy to know something, rather then being supportive. His immature response made me sad. He soon stopped talking to me altogether.

Well, my brother makes a lot of loud sounds, random laughters, overall very destructive. He has an addiction to watching movies and flushing toilets. I sleep right beside the bathroom, and he often wakes me up in the morning (he would flush several times in one hour, slamming the door). I tried everything, from going to sleep earlier, ear plugs, but it never worked. I tell my parents that it's not fair, but they tell me that I should just switch my room or go to a foster home.

I get so upset sometimes, that I call him names and scream at him. I know it's not normal, and I feel upset that he is regressing, and I am being abusive. He used to do so much, but now, all he wants to do is watch movies. If someone is there with him, he will try to kick that person out of the room.

I'm sorry for this long read; I don't have anyone to tell about this. Please, tell me on how I should accept my brother, and stop being mean to him

Thank you so much for your time and concern.

Answer 1

Your not wrong to think the way you do, your parents are more in the wrong.  Your parents should be getting your brother therapy and special learning classes.  It is completely unacceptable for others to view your brothers diagnosis as such, like a disease or something.  The problem isn't your brothers autism it is others ignorance and predjudice.  Your parents should be ashamed of themselves for the way they treat you and try to keep you brother a secret.  You should really try to seek outside help.  Your parents can get government grants and other grants to fund the help for your brother.  Again, it is not you nor your brothers fault for what you are experiencing but rather your parents for not taking responsibility and the ignorant people who shun your family for having an autistic brother.

Also, you and your family should go to counseling or therapy in order to cope with the stress and anxiety and learn how to deal with you autistic brothers problems and difficulties and how they affect the family.

Answer 2

You should get some counseling for yourself, tell your parents how you feel and let them know this is what you need. Let them know it is not their fault and that you realize that it is not your brother's choice to have these behaviors, but that you need help dealing with what is going on.

Answer 3

Oh I feel SO badly for you.  That is TOO much for you to deal with, and your parents appear to not be handling this very well.  I'm so sorry.

And telling you to go to a foster home is just MEAN.  I would like to slap some sense into your parents.

Your brother should be working with a behavioral therapist, and your entire family should get counseling to learn how best to handle his outbursts and destructive behaviors.

But from what you've said, it doesn't seem that they would be open to

going.  But YOU can -- because you have a school counselor.  I think it would be so helpful to you to go talk to your counselor -- for one thing, someone at your school needs to know that you are suffering through this and aren't getting proper support at home.  So, the counselor will work with teachers and maybe outside people to create a safety net of support for you.  And you really deserve this help, too.

When you're at home, do your best to avoid being around your brother.  For now that might be the best thing to do, seeing as you feel you are abusing him.  I think you're really mad at your parents, though -- I know you are aware that your brother can help it, especially if he isn't getting adequate therapeutic services.

Anyway -- go right away tomorrow and tell your counselor that you really need some help and support.  You could even just print what you wrote here and let him/her read it, if you find it too hard to talk about.

Good luck -- and here's a hug:  ((HUG))  You're going to be ok.