Please help me deal with my grandmother!?

Question

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My aunt has left for the week to go visit my mom, Before she left, her, my grandmother, and I had sat down and resolved some matters. It was okay for a while. I was with my father Friday and Saturday, and when I came back to my grandmother's house on Saturday night, it was back to the way it was before. She thinks that since my aunt is not here she can treat me like c**p again. I think she has problems though. A control problem, and an attention problem.

1. As soon as I walked in on Saturday night she was extremely nasty to me, she was insulting and just plain mean.

2. She acts very immature, and does things that do not fit the situation.

3. She wants attention, and it is obvious, she will huff and puff and do and say things so that you will pay attention to her, and if you don't, even for one second she gets mad.

4. She does not liked to be questioned. She doe not, will not, and blatantly refuses to answer me. If I ask her 'why?' her reply is 'Why is a crooked letter!' She just refuses to answer me.

5. She refuses to admit that she is wrong. She does many weird things to save money, which actually end up costing more money in the end. (example: she refuses to store food in Tupperware. she will, instead just put them in old jars, or, if it is something like a half used vegetable or fruit, she will just place it in the refrigerator, even garlic and onions, which make it smell. She doesn't want to waste money on proper containers-- We bought her like an gazillion containers, and she Is wasting money because they aren't being used, and we have to keep throwing out the food.)

6. She is stubborn. She wants things done her way, even if another way is proven to be better.

AND THE WORST OF ALL

7. She wants to be in control. She does everything in her power to have power. This comes down even to the dogs. That is what I have the most problem with, because my dog had a problem recently and it is very hard for her to walk, and she keeps falling up and down the stairs, this can potentially hurt her even more. So, I let her (and my grandma‘s dog) stay down stairs if they want to, and if they want to come up I help (even carry mine (who is 40 lbs)) them up the stairs. My grandma wants them to be with her constantly though, so that she can monitor what they are doing. This means that she makes my dog come up and down the steps when she is in pain! And could injure herself more. But my grandma refuses to see that. Also she forces her dog to eat. She spoon feeds her!!!!! She claims it is because the dog was sick when she was younger.. Her dog was sick for a week.. Mine was in the hospital for months with DIC and almost died and she eats like a normal dog. My grandmother does this with everybody though, even her grown adult children.

Please tell me how I can help her or at least deal with her antics.

Answer 1

yes us grandmothers tin to be set in our ways and with us being older comes wiser in some cases. but that doesn,t make it right .do you have to stay at your grandmother very often?  

Answer 2

Stay with your dad from now on.

Answer 3

You cant help her. I feel sorry for you having to be there. Focus on your schoolwork if you are in school or making a career( I dont know how old you are ) All the effort you are spending writing and thiinking about her is time that could be used better to further your advancement in the world so you can eventually get a great job and have a place of your own and live in peace. There are lots of nuts like your grandmother in the world. But you want a life of peace and fun and order so start studying.  If you have no homework get a book on languages or take another class if you are out of school. Do something to get your mind off her since she is not ever going to change

Answer 4

You are in a difficult position.  She is playing the "elder card".  You have to chose your language carefully when asking her questions.  Say things like "That's an interesting way to do things, how did you come up with that idea?"  Maybe not that exact phrase, but something similar.  People who like power require a special way of dealing with them in order to get what you want out of them.  Starting "fluffing" her up a bit by feeding her ego.  Also, don't let the effect of her negativity or distasteful attitude show on your face.  When she is nasty, don't cry or argue with her.  Maybe say things, like "Well, I am sorry you aren't feeling well today" and walk away.  Refuse to stay in her presence when she berates you and disrespects you.   Be crafty and vigilant, and you will soon find yourself behind the wall she set up to protect her ego.  You can gain control, but it will take patience, intelligence, and vigilance.

Answer 5

Oh, my dear, I read your words and I know them too well.  My husband and I are adults now, but the absolute h**l that we've been through with our families as children in their house as well as adults is much the same as yours.  We survived, as will you, but not without many scars and unresolved issues that we are still working out to this day.  We are working them out within ourselves, because as I'm sure you know, working them out with the people who caused them is just fruitless and ultimately disappointing.  "Hurting people hurt people" - Joyce Meyer.  She's right.  I will not go into any more details here as it would be very difficult to give you a simple, one question one response, type answer and this is not an easy place to have a conversation.  Please contact me and we can talk.  I also think there are some details missing that would make it difficult to give you any answer that would actually work.  You said you are coming near the end of the time with your grandmother, but you still have issues that need to be dealt with no matter where you go from here.  You are not alone.