Please help me decide what to do?

Question

Please have the patients to read. I desperately need help.

I am a 16 year old male.

I was molested multiple times as child by my much older cousin. I kept this a secret from parents. A year ago I confided in my best friend and told him to keep quiet also. He told his parents who later called my parents and informed them of my past. I was pissed at my friend but eventually forgave him. A few months later, he started ditching me and s******g me over on stuff. (This is extremely understated). I forgave him again. His mom called my parents and basically said that I'm stalking him (which is again understated and untrue). I haven't talked to him in 6 months. Every time I see him, I get this irrational anger that makes me want to kill him. Now my mom wants to tell my cousin. I can't tell you how pissed off I would be. I really want to tell her that I'm going to take every cent out of my trust fund when I turn 18 and I will never see her again. I want to tell my friend how badly he screwed up my life because of his immaturity and disloyalty.

What do I tell my mom?

What do I say to my friend that I now hate with a burning passion, if anything at all?

Answer 1

don't he'll just say you're stalking him again

Answer 2

I think that, while your friend did betray a confidence, your parents DO need to know what happened to you.  And you might consider talking with a therapist to get your emotions and life back on track.

I realize this is embarrassing for you, but your (much older) cousin committed a crime against you... sexual abuse is a crime, punishable by law.  Your older cousin is the one who needs to be embarrassed and ashamed.. he is a criminal!  You were an innocent child, and did nothing wrong.

Someone really needs to report this incident to the police, even if it happened several years ago.  Your cousin might have other victims, who are suffering as we speak.  

I am sure this is all very difficult for you... your anger isn't about your parents, but it lies with the person who violated you.  

As for your friend and that situation, ignore him.  I think that all of this anger between the two of you is about him telling adults what happened to you.  I can say that i do believe he did it out of concern for YOU... not because he was being a blabber mouth.  

As the result, you became angry, and it has escalated into a big, mess...

Your mom doesn't need to talk to your cousin -- she could tell the police, however... and get help for you.  You deserve to feel better, hon.

take care.

Answer 3

Tell your mom the both of you have no reason to say anything to him.  If he has something to say let him say it, otherwise move on.  Don't give him the time of day otherwise this will just continue.  You need to show everyone you are moving on and you are happy and motivated in life, eventually they will forget the drama.  You said you forgave him once, find the power within you to do it again otherwise you will hold that anger with you always.

Answer 4

You need not say anything to your friend...if he can't keep a secret in the first place then he is not worthy of your friendship.Forget him.

As to what to tell your mom really depends upon you. If you want your parents to confront your cousin, then let them have their own way. And if you don't, then ask them not to bring up the topic anytime in future. You also need to distant yourself from that particular cousin. Instead focus your time n energy on your career.