Please help me make a choice...?

Question

I'm 14, a girl, I'm not sure whether I'm straight or not. I love g*y guys. I'd really like to meet some, but I think my age might be a problem. I'm not leagally allowed into g*y clubs, but I could always sneak out, but that could be a problem also as it's quite difficult. Also, I have this weird feeling as if I was actually meant to be a boy. I remember thinking sometimes when I was little that I was actually meant to be a boy; and I couldn't help dress like one either, we were poor so I had to wear my brothers' cast offs and I never really had Barbies or anything cos my mum didn't like them. I remember that the first time I wore a bra I actually felt physically sick and I didn't really want to wear it cos i thought it made me look like I had b***s and that it made me look like a woman. I mean I like make-up and stuff, I just think it'd be more interesting putting it on if I were a boy. I've always thought that it was boring being straight, and I'm really fed up of being supposedly straight. I've always thought that everyone was like me, they didn't like the gender they were given, like people with straight hair hate having straight hair and vice versa with curly hair. But obviously not :( What should I do?

a) Accept I'm a girl, this is just a phase, just move on and find something else to obsess about...

b) Find some g*y friends, and that's all they're gonnna be, friends (I don't want to "convert" g**s to straights, I think that's just messing about in other peoples' lives..

c) Have a s*x change op when I'm sixteen. I dunno though, cos it's drastic and what if it's just a phase??

d) Other.. Be creative, lol x

Sorry, I know it's a weird question, I'm really desperate and I think about it all the time, it's really got into my head.

Any answers at all, appreciated. I'd like lots of views on this, please :)

Thanks x*x

Answer 1

Definition Gender identity disorder, as identified by psychologists and medical doctors, is a condition with which a person who has been assigned one gender (usually at birth on the basis of their s*x, but compare inter-sexual), but identifies as belonging to another gender, or does not conform with the gender role their respective society prescribes to them. It is a psychiatric term for what is widely known by terms like trans-sexuality, trans-gender and (subject to debate, but full-fledged GID is present in at least some cases) transvestism or cross-dressing.

Another proposed term for the condition is Benjamin's Syndrome, named for Harry Benjamin, a pioneering researcher in the field of trans-sexuality.

This feeling is usually reported as "having always been there", although in some cases, it seems to appear in adolescence or even in adulthood, and it has been reported by some as intensifying over time. Since many cultures strongly disapprove of cross-gender behavior, it often results in significant problems for those affected, and sometimes for their close friends and family members as well. In many cases, discomfort is also reported as stemming from the feeling that one's body is "wrong" or meant to be different.

Psychosocial Crisis: Identity vs. Role Confusion

The adolescent you is newly concerned with how you appear to others. Superego identity is the accrued confidence that the outer sameness and continuity are matched by the sameness and continuity of one's meaning for oneself, (the inside you) which in your case is yet to be defined or is still being defined. There are several factors at play here and you must slow down and take your time and allow your development to take place.

In other words, who you are on the inside doesn't match what you are on the outside. This is where your confusion and conflict originates. You feel more comfortable in matching the outside appearance with the inside person. Your focus is currently on the struggle within. You "feel" boyish or male on the inside but the outside is in conflict with these "feelings".

You have grown and developed in a society which provides "instant" everything. Instant access, instant food, instant relief, instant answers. But this "instant" mindset isn't working well with the time taking process of your development. You need to "slow down" and consider yourself a work in progress that will not be completed instantly. It takes time for you to become the true you. You have to decide for yourself who the true you is. Focus on the wonderful person who is you and in time you will feel comfortable inside your own skin.

I hope this makes sense and was helpful to you. Take "time" and be kind to yourself and love who you are as you are. If you can't accept yourself and be patient with yourself, you won't be able to do so for others and this will cause relationship problems throughout your life.

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Answer 2

Think about what you are describing...ALL women like to wear makeup and played with Barbies when they were girls?  We all look like Nicole Kidman in Stepford Wives as adults in high heels and cked with makeup?

Women come in all shapes, sizes, sorts, types and guises! Our sexuality is wide and varied, and guess what being a woman and sexual does not mean you have to be into men!  There are lesbians who wear makeup, who prefer 'butch' clothes and hairstyles.  There are lesbians who are grandmothers, and bi sexual women who wear jeans and T's  Do not rush into thoughts like "Today I feel like a g*y man..." or "Today I feel like radical surgery!"  Don't mistake exploring gender roles and your sexaulity with being forced to make major decisions that will totally change your life.  As a girl do not restrict yourself with old fashioned sexist ideas about our gender and s*x being limited...the possibilities for us are limitless!

Answer 3

I used to be confused (still am a bit, 'cause in some way, I feel like I am making it up, just to know where my 'weirdness' comes from) about my sexuality. One this that helped me realise that there are as many sexualities as there are people, was this webcomic 'Khaos'. I, for instance, love g*y guys much more than straight ones, or any girl. And yes, I am a girl too. Anyways, Khaos, it features guys, wheter they are obviously super g*y or the opposite, finding out they're g*y, girls falling in love with bisexuals, but also two friends who were clearly born in the wrong body. The one born as a g*y boy is now a straight woman. The one born as a woman, is actually a lot like you. 'She' is now a g*y man. I know it's fiction, but it's really good and realistic. There's also a forum where people discuss the stories, as well as their sexualities. I really think you should check it it, I think it would help you even more than it has helped me ;)

Just promise you'll start realising this has been going on your whole life, and is, therefore, not a phase. It's 'simply' your life.

Answer 4

I didn't read your whole question, I skimmed it, I'm really sorry. All I'm going tos ay that before any s*x change, doctors make you go through intensive therapy to make sure it's waht you want. So there is basically no chance that you're going to regret it.

Not saying that's what you should do, but you said 'what if it's just a phase and I decided to make that change?!?'...that almost would never happen, judging by how strict they are about this.

Answer 5

d. well i have allot of g*y guy/girl friends and i'm a guy but it is really up to you what you do, here is my g*y guy friends e-mail: [e-mail] e-mail him. i asked him if was alright.

Answer 6

You are possibly a female to male transsexual.  I'm not sure you can get a s*x change when you're sixteen, but you should tell your family about your feelings now.  You should consult with a doctor.  There are others like you in the world.  

Answer 7

maybe your just a tomboy , so (a)

Answer 8

okay, these feelings are normal so don't worry.

but you are way too young to be thinking about a s*x change when you're 16. first of all, they're very expensive and second of all, that is a live changing thing and you might change your feelings later on.

as for right now, you need to give  yourself time to know what you really are. 14 is very young to know for sure. i would suggest getting some g*y friends yes, but don't sneak out to a g*y club to find some haha. find some in your town or h**l, (sounds stupid) look some up on myspace.

don't make any drastic changes as of now. just wait until you are completely sure what you are and what you want.

you'll know for sure with time.

good luck :]

Answer 9

If I were you I would go with what my heart says.  Give it some time to know for sure what you want to do then put your mind to it and do it.  

Answer 10

First you are too young to be worried about this yet, but it is good that you know yourself well enough to know that this bothers you.

So first, relax and know that many of us go through this.

Second, you said it best, find some other people that have had feelings like this and see what they have for advice.  DO NOT listen to religious or straight people who just want to FIX you.  You know you pretty well right now and just need guidance to become who you are going to become fully.    

Lastly, don't think about surgery for now.  Have fun playing with different roles and see what feel best for you.  If you want to dress like a boy do it this Halloween and no one will question it.  Then really dress girly one weekend and go to the mall or something and see how that feels.  Explore how you feel and what you like and please give it a few years so that you can make the best decisions for you.  

You really should start reading some books about this sort of sexual identity issues and become familiar with what others have had to go through so you can make good decisions for yourself and know when others just don't understand.  

Also ask the counsiler at school or other professional or parent if you trust them, to help you.  And you don;t need to go to clubs at 14 when there are probably hundreds of kids just like you on line and near by that you could hang around with and chat about these things.

All my best to you on your journey of finding the real you.

Answer 11

Don't make any choices until you're at least in the mid-20s.  By then you'll  be (1) through puberty and (2) have gained some amount of self-awareness.

Recognize that people change a tremendous amount during their teens.  It takes a long time  to try out different things and eventually settle into who you are.  I was never allowed "girl" toys.  I absolutely hated bras, and dressed like a boy until about 17.  I started dressing more like a girl around 18, and didn't start wearing makeup until 24.  When I remember myself at 14, I barely recognize that person!  

s*x change: no competent surgeon would ever consider s*x change surgery for anyone who is still developing.  Your parents, of course, would have to sign off on it until you are 18.  Nearly all surgeons who perform these operations require at least a lengthy waiting period and a "permission slip" from a psychiatrist, and for good reason.  

Remember that teens will cycle through tons of different personalities as they get older.  For some people, they try out "g*y" just as they might try out "hippie" or "goth."  For others, of course, they actually ARE g*y (or L*****n, or bisexual, or transgender).  How do you know for sure?  TIME.  You just can't rush these things.  

What should you NOT do?  Make any major and permanent decisions without some serious reflection and at least a year of therapy.  And stay out of clubs - any club (g*y, straight) is not a healthy place for any 14 yr old to be.  

Most importantly, remember that teens who are g*y/L*****n/bisexual/transgender/questio... have a much-increased risk of suicide, depression, drug use, smoking, and alcohol use.  Be especially vigilant about your health - physical and mental.

Answer 12

:) hey just wait. it really could be a phase.

so whatever you do dont gender change. ull find you place just be patient!

Answer 13

Don't bother with a s*x change... its only cosmetic, so you won't really be a guy. Plus it makes you look like a perv.

You'll probably have decided whether you are straight or not by the time you're 16 anyway