Please help me not KILL my fiance!

Question

Is anyone else having this issue? The entire wedding planning process over the last 8 months, I have tried to discuss the details of the wedding with him. He is the ultimate procrastinator with everything and always says "We'll figure it out later...". Well, it is later, we are getting married in exactly two weeks. Now I am trying to finalize things and he keeps suggesting new ideas or saying "Wait, I thought we were doing this.." about something we have never even spoken about before (like the bar service, see previous question). I am getting so frustrated! I finally blew up and told him he needs to talk to the coordinator directly about his "new ideas" because I have been doing things the entire time and I don't have the patience for him to get in the game in the 4th quarter! Did anyone else have this issue? I love him but I'm going to go crazy!!

BTB 8/21/08- In Two Weeks!

Answer 1

It's too late for you to even be entertaining these ideas and I would tell him so. The cost and the hassle of him trying to put in this input so late isn't worth it. If it makes him feel better let him take control of something on the honeymoon or afterwards, but this ship has sailed, is in the middle of the ocean and ain't turning 'round.  

Answer 2

From my experience, men like to have it both ways. They don't want to have to do anything but at the same time, they want it to be all their way. The best way to deal with them is to smile and nod, but take care of it yourself.

Hope this helps.  

Answer 3

Put the knife down dear LOL!

I had to have a "conversation" of the sorts with my HTB too. I told him that later is already here and that I needed his immediate answer to X ot Y matter, or else I would make the decision myself. So, what we came up with was a list of things that he needed to do by X date. It worked like a charm, he checked off everything and has finished with his share.

Good luck and do not lose your mind now LOL! Only a few days to go : )

Answer 4

Typical issue for couples.  The bride takes over because the groom seems less-interested.  then when it comes down to crunch time is when he pipes up and it too late!  

Listen to his suggestions and if they can be done tell him to do it.  Otherwise tell ghim its a bit too late!

Answer 5

Stop consulting him and do it your way. And tell him its too late to start switching things around.

Answer 6

Hang in there.  You will get through it.  

Answer 7

I think you need to sit down and calmly (as possible) and explain to him that he missed the boat.

Just tell him how you feel; you tried to include him while the decisions were being made months ago (because weddings take MONTHS of planning, not weeks) and he didn't have an opinion.  Just tell him the truth, it's too late for him to have an opinion now, and it's no one's fault but his own.

That does sound very frustrating; don't beat yourself up about being angry with him.  You know you love him, and want to marry him, and although "it's JUST a wedding" when you put so much effort in, you want it to be nice.  Just be honest with him, and let him be honest back, and you two will deal with it, and by the wedding day forget it ever happened.

Answer 8

Try to remain calm (Yeah right, I know) LOL

My hub lost his WEDDING BAND with a month to go before the wedding AND didn't order his suit until a WEEK before the wedding.

ALSO, we married OVERSEAS.

So you can imagine that I wanted to KEEEEEEEEEEEEL him.

Take it from me, someone's always got it worse than you do.

Try watching Bridezillas. It will make you feel sane.

And everything will be fine. It always is.

Answer 9

I am having the same exact issue! I think it is a last ditch effort to ignore a major life change or something! I wonder if the wedding had been something like a trip with his boys if he would have been more focused... I dont think that it is defiance against you or anything because my fiance still is a sweet guy but maybe it is just a shock to him that time is passing so quickly and that in a very short amount of time yall are going to be married. Let him present his ideas to the coordinator and talk to her about what he suddenly wants. Then make sure you ask the coordinator what changes she is making on wedding day that he suggested that way there are no ugly surprises... Not that your man has bad taste but our tastes tend to vary. I find him stuck in the eighties sometimes... Anyways... good luck I am getting married on the 23rd so I know the crazy pressures.... Dont let his last minute kindness freak you out too much!

Answer 10

My fiance is also a procrastinator and my darling to-be, who is usually a great listener, apparently can't remember wedding talk. I will bring up something we just decided two weeks ago and he'll say, "What? When did we decide that?" Also, he keeps coming up with "great" ideas that he wants to incorporate (which would mean A LOT more work for me) so I say, "Okay, but you're in charge of that." I know it won't get done but I just can't take on more projects.

Answer 11

Well, don't start a fight over it!  Just say to him, as calmly as you can, "Look, honey, if you wanted ______ at our wedding, the coordinator would have needed to know that months ago.  It's too late now, and she's finalizing the plans we've already made."  That will teach him to procrastinate!  Then, to soften the blow, offer up an easy compromise.  For instance, if he suddenly springs it on you that he wants to have a certain entree, like ribs or something, at the reception, and it totally doesn't go with the rest of your food, compromise by having the rehearsal dinner at his favorite rib joint.

Answer 12

I predict a stormy marriage for you to, good luck and best wishes.