Please help me understand food rationing with foster children.

Question

I have been reading several foster parent blogs where the children they are fostering are accused of "hoarding" food. The foster parents go to great lengths to lock up food and create food control rules in their houses. Two taboos that foster parents seem to be obsessed over are their foster children taking food without permission and having food in their bedrooms.

I am really trying to understand this issue. The foster parents say that they need to create these rules because food hoarding behavior stems from "birth" parents depriving the children of food. But aren't foster parents doing the same thing? Aren't they being as neglectful as the "birth" parents?

For example, a foster mother was complaining that she "needed" to sleep in until 8:30, but her inconsiderate foster children (11 and 13 y-olds) expected to be able to "leave their rooms" at 6:30 when they woke up. AND they wanted breakfast when they woke up. She thought that they should wait to eat until she was ready to get up at 8:30. Then she went on to say that when she was a kid, she only needed one meal a day and so what was up with their need for food more often than that?

Other foster parents on the blog fell all over themselves to identify with the "food hoarding" and to support her "house rules". I bravely posted a comment about "allowing" them to have a healthy snack in their room for when they woke up and got my head bit off for suggesting that it is unreasonable for ravenous teens to want to eat when they first wake up and that it was perfectly fine to expect them to wait in their rooms for 2 hours with an aching hungry tummie until foster mommie dearest could get herself out of bed.

So does food hoarding behavior justify depriving foster children of 3 meals a day at the times they are hungry? Are foster parents who ration and control food being abusive? What am I missing here? Does anyone know how to report suspected abuse by an anonymous foster parents?

Answer 1

My oldest hordes food, and it isn't as minor an issue as you make out. We aren't talking about a candy bar or two in the desk drawer. We're talking about cups of yogurt and other perishables stashed all over the bedroom, rancid cheese sticks hidden behind the books in the bookcase, food purchased to make dinner that repeatedly dissappears (try going to make mannicotti for your family of six and finding out an hour before dinner time the ricotta and mozzerella are missing), snacks and candy purchased for parties that you find out is gone as your guests are arriving... it's not a simple matter and needs to be dealt with firmly.

As for it not being stealing, think again. I will tell my son, "Don't touch this, it's for your sister's party. We have lots of other snacks you can have anytime you want, but not this." and then I'll hide it away. Chances are at least 50% the candy will be gone when I go to get it. Taking something that isn't yours, knowing that it will hurt someone else, well, if that isn't stealing, I don't know what is. BTW, my child that hordes also steals...his doctor thinks it's all related. He started hording as soon as he could walk and is still doing it 8 years later.

I don't lock the cabinets, but it is seriously getting to that point where I might leave some select snacks on the counter for general consumption and keep the cabinets all locked. This morning my son sneaked downstairs and ate an entire quart of ice cream I had purchased for a sleepover he was having with a freind tonight. I found half the bag of chips also bought for the occasion yesterday stuffed in the laundry hamper this morning.  I totally understand why people would lock the cabinets...to maintain their own sanity.

Answer 2

It's not just foster mothers, I assure you.

My amother was just like this!  No locks, but she was a bloodhound--there was no sneaking ANYTHING, ever.

My amother was/is an OCD CONTROL freak.  Her world was very tiny, and she needed to control the minutia in it.

These are scary 'mothers'.

Answer 3

Love the "mommie dearest" reference.  

Ok, anyone who works with hurt kids *should* know that food hoarding is a reaction to not having had enough food, and the fear of not having enough again.  To keep food from these kids is absolutely abusive.  I've known many aparents and foster parents who have non-perishable snacks that the kids can keep in their rooms so that they don't have to worry about it, and they keep fresh fruit and other snacks within easy reach in the kitchen.  Something wrong with that?  How friggin costly would it be to buy a box of crackers for the kid, and a couple pieces of fruit for the dang table?

Oh, and I get REALLY heated when anyone says ANYTHING about a kid "stealing" from them.  If they LIVE with you, it's NOT stealing.  That child is as much a part of the family as anyone else.  Why is it that only THEIR hunger-driven behavior is considered "stealing", hmmmmmm??

Show me that blog, and I'll be another brave soul.  These people shouldn't be fostering hurt kids.  They're just doing more damage.  And no, unfortunately, I don't know how to report anonymous foster parents.  But I sure do know how to rip them a new one.

And why the F*** would these people WANT to be foster parents???  I get so sick and friggin' tired of people complaining about the little brats who drain their checkbooks...ya know what, m**o, that kid ain't too chill about having to live with your sorry a$$, either.  So either quit fostering or suck it up!  If you don't like it, DON'T DO IT!

ETA:  Mycathouse and Stormwa, I challenge you to make non-perishable snacks available to your kids in any quantities they request for an extended period of time and see what happens.  I'll take it one step further and challenge you to COMPLETELY stop controlling the food in your house for one month - buy as many groceries as you need (don't plan any parties if it's that stressful for you), and see what happens.  What you're doing is abuse.  I've worked with MANY hurt kids, with eating issues and without.  You're messing these kids up even more.  If you don't want to put out the expense to house and FEED these hurt kids as much as they need in order to feel secure, then give them back.  You don't deserve those kids, and they most certainly don't deserve YOU if you're going to treat them like prisoners in their own homes!  I don't CARE if you give them three (tightly controlled) square meals a day - if THEY don't feel secure, then you're at fault!

Answer 4

For the children it is a security issue. My cousin living with us hoards food (she is eight). While I was concerned about it causing a bug problem. I recognized that because she had very little food at home she needed this security blanket. I came up with a great idea that has really worked well. She has a lunch box that she can carry around with her anywhere and we keep packaged food inside ie. twinkies, fruit snacks, juice boxes and some candy. (Ok I know not the most healthy of foods but that is not the issue here.)  Before bed time we load up her lunch box and she sleeps with it. I also keep canisters on the kitchen island with dry cereal in them and she can help herself.  We also have a snack basket where the kiddos can get what they want ie: goldfish snacks, trails mix and the like. We also always have fresh fruit which they can get themselves if need be.

While this would never be acceptable behavior in most households foster parents need to realize they are dealing with children who may not have had food readily available in the house. Some concessions need to be made.

I would NEVER lock up my cabinets!!! That is just crazy behavior.

Answer 5

That's abuse in my book. Withholding food is so wrong. Shame on them.  

Answer 6

I hear you on this one.  Food hoarding is a survival response to (gasp!) not having food!  By foster (or adoptive) parents locking up food, they are controlling food and surprisingly enough, does nothing to alleviate the food related anxiety.  It doesn't take a rocket scientist or a child psychologist to figure out the logic here.

In our pre-International adoption classes, we were taught a lot about food hoarding behavior as it applies to malnourished children, but the same principle applies to foster children as well.  The child is hoarding the food because they are afraid it will go away.  They've probably experienced being deprived of food personally.  Until they feel secure that their needs will be met, they will continue to use this survival method.

It's recommended that a child be allowed to keep some sort of sealed food item in their rooms, under their bed or whatever.  Use something that won't go bad, or attract ants.  But it's a good security blanket and alleviates some of that anxiety that if all the food should suddenly be gone, the child has an emergency cache.   One day, when the child is secure enough, they won't need that safety net.  

PS: I don't see what's wrong with having acceptible AM snacks for the children/teens, in the situation you've described.  Food just shouldn't be made into a control/power issue.

  

Answer 7

I think this foster mother was nuts!  

That being said, food "hoarding" can be a problem with some foster kids - or adoptive kids coming from bad foster backgrounds.  When my brother was adopted at 3, he had a MAJOR food hoarding complex that took nearly 10 years to wear off.  (Yes, that's more than 3 times his age when he was adopted.)  

His body was so starved for food that he would eat everything that was put in front of him as fast as possible.  He wasn't old enough yet to truly understand how to "hoard food" in a way that meant storing it outside his body.  However, his previous experience with want caused his body to have absolutely no *stop* reaction.  If you kept putting food in front of him he would eat it.  He would eat ANYTHING that was food - even stuff that was super spicy or even scraps that were being set out for the dog.  

In his case, my parents did have to start "rationing" him.  My parents were a bit of control freaks anyway - we never got any sort of processed sugar or anything, but with Michael it was different.  He really would eat ANYTHING....  and they had to stop him.  They wouldn't let him eat more than two servings of meals and/or would only serve him very small portions at a time.  This wasn't because they were trying to be abusive.  They simply had to do it to keep him from getting sick.  If they gave him too much at a time (espescially at first), he'd stuff his mouth so full he'd choke.  If they didn't put a limit on how many servings he could have, he would have eaten until he exploded.  

I really do think that in some instances Foster parents are not well screened and are abusive.  The example you gave is definitely NOT good parenting (or Foster Parenting).  Still, please don't assume that every foster parent who says they have to protec their kids from "hoarding" is making things up.  My brother was young enough that all of his hoarding happened in his stomach - but can you imagine if you were finding lumps of meat or greenbeans in your kids jeans or dresser drawers?  That would also lead to an unhealthy environment.  

Is there any identifying info on this blog?  If so, you should report that foster mom.  I can't believe not feeding the kids before 8:30 is legal!  

Answer 8

Hi Grapesgum,

I don't understand not feeding children.  I try to teach them to listen to their bodies.  We have to remember they are GROWING.  If they are hungry, they are welcome to eat any fresh fruit and fresh veggies at anytime.  

There was a time period when the older kids would sneak and eat a whole box of chocolate chip cookies.  I got rid of the sugary kebler cookies and we started making homemade oatmeal cookies with raisins and nuts in them.  Still sugary but at least the don't eat the whole cookie jar at one sitting.

Our daughter from Africa had hoarding issues, which went away quickly because there was always food for her to eat at all times.  Its a lot of work and dedication but if you get rid of all the junk and just have wholesome foods available, kids tend not to over eat.  I don't have to worry about what my children are eating cause i know whats in my refridg. choc soy milk, celery, string cheese, yogurt, cherries, lettus,  etc. It fills them up faster and longer and its one less thing i have to worry about.

Special occasions, parties and going out to eat they get junk food but its just not a daily thing in our home.  Now if you enter our home with a box of kebler cookies, proceed with caution....LOL

How can i change to help my child?  I wish more people asked that question.  Imho, you were right btw:)

    

Answer 9

We have faced the food issue because our kids were not ever allowed to have access to food before we got them.  There was just never enough for that and they didn't know when their next meal would be.

We didn't freak out about it, though.  We got a basket and put "healthy" snacks in it that they could get food from at any hour.  They don't even use it anymore because they know that we will always feed them and that all they have to do is ask.

It's not always that the kids are hungry, though.  It's a control issue.  When a child feels completely lost and controless, they resort to controlling what goes in and out of their body.  These same children will have frequent wetting and BM accidents.

The foster parents you are referring to need to talk to the kids' counselors about this instead of freaking out.

Answer 10

Hey.  I did not read all the other answers, but I thought I would add my personal experience.  I had THREE foster families that did things that prevented me from eating.  One family locked the refrigerator (yes, it can be done!) and I had no access to food in between meals.  The other family punished me by locking me out of the house when they found out that I had hid food in my room.  Everytime I hid food, I was sleeping outside in the garage.

Now, I came from a bio-family where there was no food.  Me and my brother would steal from grocery stores or eat out of the trash cans sometimes because food was a rarity (true).  And I was a skinny little kid, so it was not crazy to think I need to eat!!

So, you would think that when I went into foster care, this issue would have been expected and the foster parents would have known what to do.  But nope.  It was horrible.  

As an adult, I don't understand it either, becasue it only made by behavior worse, because I feared not having food again.  And locking the frig and putting me outside only made me out-act worse.  I would take food from school and hide it in my room.  So, the problem was NEVER solved.

What helped?  I had one foster family that gave me my "own food drawer" in my room.  I could put anything in there but my foster mom would check the drawer daily to make sure nothing was "rotting."  

If some food was going bad, foster mom would talk to me abot it and discuss getting rid of it.

My own food drawer helped me so much because I would wake up and know there was food there.  And as I began to understand that food was a normal part of life and would be provided, my food drawer got less and less use.

Anyway, it is horrible that foster parents do not understand and think that by restricting access to food that it will help the child....it won't.  It just makes the child feel more frightened and out of control.

Answer 11

I have shared my home with six foster children, all long term. None of these children were ever deprived of three square meals a day. The food hoarding was never more than a minor problem. Once the children realized they weren't going to be deprived of decent meals as well as snacks within reason, the problem ( if it was indeed a problem ) very soon went away.

Answer 12

I cannot believe the person who thinks that a child taking food from their own house is "stealing" WTF.  

I just wanted to share this story.  A while back my mother told my sister (she has 2 bio kids) and I (2 adopted kids), that we should tell our children to stop asking her permission everytime they wanted something to eat out of her cupboards/fridge .  That she was family and expected her grandchildren to take anything they like when they felt like it.  We told her of course that we were trying to teach our children manners and we thought that it was not polite for them to go rifling through her cupboards and fridge without permission.  Suffice to say, my mother was very cross with us and told us in no uncertain terms that her house was also her grandchildrens and they should treat it as if it was their home and that anything of hers was available to them anytime without permission.  

Same goes for my house, my family can go through my cupboards and pantry and take anything they like, especially the kids.  The funny thing is they are allowed to, but they don't.  Maybe because it's easier to say "Mum, can you get me something to eat please".

Witholding food is just plain wrong.

Answer 13

Heres the thing me and my wife among other other people say the foster children out there are victims our system is failing them and all social workers can preach is the bull they are giving by their supervisersif your interested in reading what a social worker wrote me add me go to my qestions and brows throw and youll see a long answer so read it Look for our question about us wanting to adopt also the best answer read it and he put a good link on there its true we wanted to adopt however they wanted us to foster they seem to turn you away when you want to adopt and they look for foster parents now all foster parents are not like this but some can care less about the child and is only in it for the money other contacks in my cite are kids that were adopted and found themself in what ur talking about look at queens under my fans click on hers and look for her question about being restricked  

Answer 14

i think that's horrible in my opinion there is one thing and one thing only you do not set limits on for children and that's food unless they're morbidly obese and even then you still dont hold back what you give them you just regulate what they eat and make sure it's healthy for them. one meal a day my ace im sorry but this lady is only in it for the money i remember being a kid i ate like 3x a day plus about 3-4 snacks daily i know how people say they try to teach their kids that stealing is wrong and so forth but seriously stealing food? come on now that's just plain neglectful. and my mother in law was a foster child and dealt with this kinds of foster parents until she got into a house that loved and cares for her any ways she said that every new house she would be on her best behavior because she was afraid of having to get up rooted again even though some places denied her food she still didnt hide food/steal food because of being afraid of being up rooted i mean this might have just been her but with holding food from a child because they take a snack to their room or 4 or 5 for later and then forget about it who cares they did have them clean it up but withholding food is just plain neglectful

Answer 15

I have dealt with this with family members.  My parents have custody over my cousin(s) children and they have issues with food.  I would not say hoarding because that is where they save it for later, it is more sneaking food.  The kids are feed breakfast, lunch and dinner.  My dad always buys snacks for the kids.  They try to ration them, a snack in the afternoon and at night.  The issue is, that they will have 3 meals, their snacks, and then sneak in the kitchen and sneak/steal more snacks and food.  It really is a common issue with foster kids, it is because they lacked the food when with their biological family.  I have asked my cousin why he does this and he says that because they would go days without food or have to take from the gas stations.  So in their mind, when they see it they want it even though they are not hungry they will just take it and sneak away with it.  Several times my mother has woke up in the middle of the night and have found one of them sneaking in the cabinets or on top of the fridge.  

The issue is that they do not need the food, it is extremely unheathly and it is stealing.  It isn't as if they eat one Little Debbie, they will eat 4 or 5.  Even when they stay at my house when they leave I will go to my sons room and I will find wrappers and soda cans hidden.

There truly is a need to ration children.  It maybe hard for someone to understand who is not in that situation.

Answer 16

I have a foster child and if he is hungry I feed him. it doesn't matter what time of day it is. My uneducated opinion is that if they were deprived food and having hoarding tendencies they get over it if they have food always available to them.  I suspect there could be some weight issues in the long run but I don't know.  I just love and adore my foster child.  I have had him for a year and couldn't imagine letting him go.

Answer 17

I totally agree with you. Why would you treat a foster child any different than any other child? All kids do this, at every age. They are hungry a lot. They are growing for heaven's sake. All of my kids want something when they get up and I get up to give it to them whether I'm tired or not. I'm not a foster parent, but if I were, I would treat them like all of the children that I have around me.  

Answer 18

I agree with you, food should not be a source of strife in a family, foster or otherwise.   Unless, of course, there is already an eating disorder, and the sufferer is willing to accept food rationing (or the opposite if the person is anorexic or bullimic).    Under those kinds of circumstances, if the child doesn't buy into it, then any efforts the parent makes will likely result in rebellion and other negative behaviors.

I don't know if what they're doing qualifies as "abuse", but it is very rigid, not very loving, and parenting like that breeds resentments that can manifest in all kinds of pathological behaviors, most of which will be kept hidden.    Besides locking up the food, they might also want to consider locking up:  knives and other sharp tools and objects, guns, hammers, baseball bats, poisons, etc.

Answer 19

I don't think this is a foster child problem.  I think it's an individual, personal problem.

Some children are food hoarders.  Some children have eating disorders.  Some parents are control freaks.  

If you suspect ANY parent of child abuse by depriving ANY child of food, contact child protective services.  That's their job.

cw

Answer 20

That would be a question for a good! child psychiatrist. I worked as a volunteer at a shelter for abused and neglected children before and food was a big deal there too. It was celebrated, every meal was prepared together with the children ( a group of 10 kids, ranging from 6 to 13), eaten with everybody sitting on the table and especially dinner, when everybody was back from school was always the days highlight. They were allowed snacks though, but because some of them have never learned what a healthy diet is (having largely been left to their own devices by their birthparents - one poor girl for instance used to eat out of the dog's food bowl and it took the staff at the shelter a whole while to teach her how to eat from of a plate that sits on a table), it was rationed and given out only on special occasions. So I do see the sense in closely controlling what the child eats when, but I certainly find the argument that the kids have to wait until the dame of the house gets out of bed a bit shady.  

Answer 21

I think you are very right. To deprive a hungry child of food is horrible, not to mention the fact that it is child neglect which is why most of these children are in foster homes to begin with.

Answer 22

my mother-in-law took in a dog that did the same thing... Once the kids know food will always be available to them they will quit hoarding food... My grandma had foster kids for a while and the one time she had a brother and a sister (both under 5)  and in the middle of the night he would get up and take food for both of them and grandma would find crumbs under pillows, in the bed etc... so what she did was ask them if they got hungry at night and they asnwered yes so she said how about we make a sandwich for you to take to bed with you and they put it on the table beside the bed and the kids where happy and quit "stealing" food...  I think alot of these "foster parents" are just in it for the money... all kids need 3 meals plus snacks... to report people ummmm you might want to talk to your social worker...or call child protective services

Answer 23

First let me state that I am in NO WAY defending these so called parents, but when my son was first placed with me it was explained that he had "issues" with food and would steal food. I do not agree because as a part of our family, he was not stealing. I told the Social Worker this and she told me that I would have to ration his food to help him over come this... (Huh???)

I am not an expert on children, but how the h**l is rationing food going to cure his need to hoard food? Seems to me like this would just make his urge to hoard worse. I cleared out a drawer in the kitchen and used it specifically for his snacks. He would help pick out the snacks for the drawer and he knew that this was his drawer, he did not need to ask to get anything from it. He still had times that I would find food crumbs or wrappers hidden in his room, but I dod not make a big deal about it.

I don't know how you can report an anonymous blog, but if you know what State they are in you could email a link to their blog to the State CPS program.  

Answer 24

Some people just want the extra money for having foster kids and don't deserve to be foster parents.

Answer 25

AWW...MAN! Don't get me started on this.

My former foster parents used to make threats to put laxatives in our food & threaten to bust us upside the head if we went inside the fridge to use BUTTER instead of margarine. They wanted us to eat margarine because we weren't good enough to eat BUTTER. Here's a journal I recently wrote:

[Why didn't my foster parents tell me my rights? & why were they so abusive towards me & punished me for every reason? I was a good kid. I have mental problems, but @ least I didn't steal like the other kids. & I made good grades in school. They used to beat me, choke me, make me eat out the garbage, punish me from field trips, make me do chores like a slave, make me eat 6-day old noodles while they eat fresh fried shrimp right in my face. Now, I have low self-esteem. & they treated the other foster kids like "family" they treated me like trash because they hate my mom. I have nothing to do with the pain my mom put the foster family through. Why did I have to suffer. I'm grown now, & I can't live a happy life, thinking about this.]

& we were taking psych meds that made us HUNGRY! & the foster family used to make like we were trying to seek attention b/c we fainted/passed out. But then again, every time something medical happened to us, they'd say we were lying, just to get out of doing chores. They used to make us clean up 24/7 & made us put chores before school & then punished us for failing. The foster mom would encourage people to kick my ash (@$$) for NO reason. The whole family used to gang up on us.

I was thinking, "For all of that, we may as well should've stayed with our birth family!" Both foster & biological family members treat me the SAME way. Only thing is, the foster family is more clever & deceitful. You know my former foster mom & foster step-dad STOLE the UNDESERVED reward of being FOSTER PARENTS if the year, just because they were popular in the foster care system? & the social workers & psychiatrists tried to say we were delusional hypochondriacs & schizophrenics, just like our birth mom. I'm NOT schizophrenic! But that was their strategy to get away with their abuse.

The foster aunts & cousins treated us like revolting pests. The second we walk NEAR the kitchen, they're yelling @ us, telling us to go away. 1 of my brothers was in my foster mom's sister's care, & he has mental disability. 1 time, he was hungry & ate a bowl of cereal for breakfast, & my former foster aunt gave him the HATE-ANGER look & told him, "Now that's your breakfast, lunch, AND dinner, you hear!?" When the foster grandma used to watch us, she'd consider us greedy & begging, just for asking for a glass of WATER! & 1 of the foster cousins used to tell us to drink our spit when we asked her for water.

We REALLY suffered!

EDIT: Oh yeah, I just remembered. My foster mom's biological son *ahem!* daughter (you may as well call him a FEMALE!) was like 24 y/o. & I was 9. He came out of NOWHERE & beat the s**t out of me for NO reason! & I was wondering why. I later realized that it was b/c I fixed myself eggs for breakfast b/c everyone else went to bible class that day, & it was just me & him. I don't know how or why I was left home that day. Maybe I was sick. I thought I was home alone.

Later that evening, me, my twin sister, & 1 of the other foster sisters toasted bread & put syrup on it, & he beat me up AGAIN! & just simply yelled @ my twin sister & the other sister.

He stomped on my foot & squeezed it. Then, he took 1 of my flip flop slippers & beat me with it, & then put me in wrestling moves where I can't breathe. & somehow, my lip is busted.

I remember 1 time, he put his knee in my throat b/c the foster mom told him to kick my ash.

______________________________________...

AGAIN! I am SO sorry. I just remembered this, too. 1 time, I was eating a bowl of cereal for breakfast, & the former foster mom gave me this LONG lecture about how I'm gonna wind up in jail or dead & deserve it, & that I'm gonna wind up with a heart attack, stroke (I already had 2 strokes @ age 5, & they had NOTHING to do with my diet!), & diabetes! She told me that 1 day, I'm gonna be as big as a house, & that I'm bedridden. I was & STILL am able to walk freely & exercise! I may get out of breath too fast, but I'll get used to it.

The foster family used to lie their way out of their abuse, & mental health professionals, psychiatrists, social workers, & the law (the cops) thought that b/c we were foster kids, nothing we said made sense & we're crazy & imagining stuff. They were buddy-buddy with the WHOLE state system! So, no one believed us when we reported the abuse. & then, the foster parents used to punish us, & their family members would give us the cold shoulder & hold a 2-yr. grudge.

Answer 26

Wow oh wow...I think we need to have some clarification here, as you have NOT relayed the whole story as it related to the discussion.

I am 90% sure you're talking about my post on adoption.com.

My children came from a background of sexual abuse, so why do you feel that it is too much to ask for my children to quietly play in their rooms and get ready for school rather than go into each other's rooms, with the possibility that they may "play doctor"?

Also, this is a direct quote from my post of which you say I "bit your head off"....

***quote: I guess a lot of it still comes down to having to learn to be a mom, too.

I was the last kid in the family for a long time...and my nieces weren't really around much after my sister divorced her ex...so, a good 20 years of no youngsters in the family, we're all learning and re-learning.

I would allow snacks, but that's another story...they're used to hoarding cause their birth family did deprive them...so I don't want to start that type of habit up.

As for myself, I can only remember only eating once a day because I never was hungry...so mom offered and refrigerated what was left when I was too full to eat...so this notion of having to have breakfast is also new to me...as I have NEVER been a breakfast eater."

So, in addition to not biting your head off...my children were, and I say WERE hoarders...they do not do that now...so why WOULD I have them start bringing food into their rooms again, when they know in just an hour, they will be fed an AMPLE breakfast???

They eat 3 times a day, and have nutritious snacks in between times...EVERY DAY.  I just don't allow them to bring a snack into their rooms, because of the previously mentioned hoarding issues of the past.

You also failed to mention that the reason I am not up until 8 or 8:30 (and that is just during the summer...I have them at school every morning at 6:45 a.m. for basketball practice during school...and I have maybe 1 hour of sleep before I take them) is because I am physically disabled, suffering from 2 slipped discs in my back, and even though I am awake when they are, I cannot make it out of my bed until my back is un-stiffened...which can take a good hour.

Lady, I get 3 hours of sleep a night because of the severity of the pain...and that sleep isn't even into the "restful" sleep...as I toss and turn for those 3 hours.

So, why you are making such a big deal about 1 rule the kids constantly break (going outside of their rooms until I am present, for now) for THEIR OWN PROTECTION (in regards to the sexual abuse) and twisting it into your own words and making it sound like I am a vicious child abuser is beyond me.

The MOST the kids are up without me present is an hour...and an hour after getting up, and going to the bathroom and playing their playstations in their room surely isn't too much to ask when they are NOT starving!

Yeah, I only ate once a day...because of my metabolism...but my kids are WELL fed and are star athletes in their school and weekend ball teams, as well as honor students...so please, read first, judge later.

Answer 27

As I read your question, I was mortified.  As a mom to a special needs child who has to eat every 4 hours or risk having fatal consequences, I cringe when I read about anyone depriving kids of food...regardless of the type of parent.  

I agree with the other posts that food hoarding is a sign of not having enough food.  The concentration should be on providing behavior modification through therapy NOT locking away the food which will only contribute to the child's fears.  UGH.  What do these people think some days??????  If the parents are worried about the children not eating too much of the wrong stuff, then don't have that kind of stuff in the house.  Choose healthy foods and healthy snacks for the kids.  These parents would think I'm a horrible Mom since I have to feed my kid every four hours round the clock or risk him having organ failure.  I'm constantly TRYING to get my son to eat more, but I realize that is because of his medical disorder.  But the foster parents should treat this type of behavior the same way and seek medical help for the child - not just deny food.  

Answer 28

There is a difference.  Some neglected foster children will go to the ends of the earth to hoard food.  Mine would gorge themselves till they puked all over the carpet and do it over and over and over.  They gained all kinds of weight until i realized that they could no longer control their food issues.  They would turn away the food i served the family in favor of rummaging through garbage cans at night or binging on everything else - preferably something stolen or forbidden (like the dessert you were going to bring to a party).

It's like a security blanket for them.  There are other creative ways of dealing with this issue - some moms allow a f***y pack of snacks to be with the child at all times.  Some allow canned food only (with a can opener) to assure the kids they won't go hungry.

This is a pretty complex issue that "normal" children don't deal with.  It's very ingrained into their young heads that they MUST always have food that they obtained themselves and never from an adult.  It's very difficult to deal with - especially since many of these kids will cry "abuse" and the situation does look abusive to somebody who's never lived through it.

If you really do feel these kids are being abused - call your local social service or child protection agency.  All i can tell you is that the problem is common among children who were severely neglected.  The parents who are dealing with these children are not in it for the money because it's a tough issue and extremely exhausting to deal with.

Yes, some foster parents abuse the system.  But this scenario sounds incredibly familiar.

Answer 29

People like that are ugly insecure control freak cows that just want most of the food for themselves. God forbid little Cindy eat the last bowl of the fruit loops.   When I was younger I had a friend that was adopted by a women like that.

She did that as well as other things just to try to control my friends feelings. Her mom would sulk, get angry or lay guilt trips on her when she couldn't return her affection. My gf was adopted at birth (she was mixed raced) and her a-mom was a social worker, infertile, very very large, white,a  major slob and not particularly attractive.   My gf hated to have to go home and was angry at her a-mom for trying to constantly force her to feel something she didn't nor couldn't.  When she was about 10 she stopped calling her mom. I felt so bad for her that she had to live like that until she was 17 and left. The only upside to her childhood was that her a-mom had to work all the time.

The food hoarding is about worrying if there is going to be a meal tomorrow. It not always about neglect but even more so poverty.  I see it all the time in Guatemala where people can't get jobs because there aren't any. If you offer a kid a piece of candy there make sure you don't let them take it out of the bag because they'll rip the bag out of your hand. They don't know better.

Edit:

Prison warden Stormwa, you shouldn't be near a child. They should be able to go in and out of their fridge anytime they want. Its not about "boundaries" from what you're saying its about "you" needing to feel in  "control". Get over yourself, it not about you and leave the kid alone.  Stealing?...unbelievable and sick.