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Please help me with this!!??!?

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I know this is in the wrong section but still... Please help!!

I have to write an college applicant essay for my 11th grade english class. The topic is "something that affected your life and why" my essay is 463 words and it can only be 300 please read it and tell me what is unimportant that i can take out. thank you

The feeling you get when you wake up to your cousin shaking you and saying "they took your mom away in an ambulance" is not a very good one to a seven year old, or to anyone. On the night my mom was taken to the hospital many tests were run on her to see why she suddenly had a very violent seizure. Soon after, they diagnosed her with a cancerous brain-tumor. She held strong through all the surgeries and chemo-therapy sessions. These went on for two years. After all the miserable hospital visits she got tired of it and wanted to stay home and forget about treatment, the doctor gave her three months to live. It was almost impossible to crawl out of bed every morning just because I knew that my mom might not be with me anymore. She lived for another six months when she finally passed away. I woke up one morning and walked into the living where my mom had been living for four months, too weak to walk into her bedroom. My grandmother's eyes were misty and I could tell something was wrong… my dad softly called me over and I shook my head and turned to leave the room. No news was best for me. My dad called my name again and I turned and walked over to him he gently sat me on his lap on told me that my mom hadn't made it through the night. I blinked back tears as I ran from the room. I went in my closet and cried. Now I look back at my nine year old self and realize that I knew it was coming but nobody could ever be prepared. My dad taught me a lot from those couple years. He was by my moms side the whole way through and never turned his back no matter how hard things got. He kept up the house; he got us kids ready for school. He started working at home so he could be there for us and my mom. My dad taught me that you can't give up on someone because of something that they can't control; you have to help them through it the best that you can. My mom taught me about the will to live and the value of life. She once to my dad that she was so miserable she just wanted to die, but she had to hold on long enough so her kids could remember her. This experience in my life has made me stronger I still go through rough times but I know that looking at the bad things in a positive way makes you stronger. My life was changed… but my positive attitude helped it change in a good way.

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  1. I am very sorry all of this happened. I would just tell my teacher that 1. It was very hard for you to write this, and you feel it is perfect just the way it is. Reviewing it and finding something to remove would be very hard for you because you feel that it is taking away a big part of your experience. 2. you want people to know the whole story not just part of it. and 3. I would think having more than the required words would be good not bad. Extra Credit?? I think it is a very well written story! Nice Job!


  2. i didnt have time sorry can u give me in news paper method  

  3. Your teacher should suck it up and let you leave the essay as it is. There is nothing that should be taken out of this, not only is it well written but it is truly heart wrenching and inspirational. I'm sorry that I cant help you edit it down.  

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