Please help . my dad drives me crazy with his talks its getting to me now ,?

Question

my mom died whn i was young and my aunt adopted me . my dad however , never did anything for me. like he never offered to pay my school fee ,,,basically he was absent frm mi life . now that i am an adult and i am getting married in a few months, he is trying to show people that he is very involved in my life . i found out he was telling people that he always paid my fees n all. he is also trying to impress my husband-to-be by telling him false things ,, like how nice and considerate he has always been etc .he keeps on telling me to say good things abt him to every1 .

yesterday he took me shopping and he didnt buy me a thing but ended up buying lots of clothes for himself to wear at th wedding ...

i think he is insane . ,,,,, this sounds ridiculous i kno but it really irritates me ,,, please hel me ,,,,, i want to maintaing a distance from him . how do i do it ... he comes to visit often and drives me mad with his nonsensical talks .

wht should i do . ?

Answer 1

Your dad wasn't there for your whole life, but you do owe him some respect and at least a little kindness.  When it comes to strangers or distant friends that he is trying to impress with his lies, just smile and ignore it.  Only answer honestly that he isn't telling the truth if you are asked directly, but you don't need to volunteer to people you don't care about that he wasn't ever there for you and is a big liar.  When it comes to close friends and family, you can talk to them in private and simply tell them that your dad has been telling a lot of lies.  Let them know that you don't want to cause a problem, so they should just ignore his lies and treat him as politely as possible.  You can maintain your distance from him by treating him politely and respectfully but without a lot of undue affection.  If you want to tell him to stop telling silly lies, you should just talk to him privately and honestly.  Let him know that you are aware that he was never there for you either emotionally or financially in your whole life.  Tell him that you don't plan to tell people anything bad about him, but that you won't make up good things just to make him feel better about himself.  You aren't going to lie for him to cover up his guilt and shame.  Tell him that if he wants to develop a better relationship with you he is going to have to earn some trust and be there for you.  And it will take time.  He can't make up for a lifetime of neglect in just a few months.

And if you don't like spending time with him, just don't.  If he asks you to go shopping, just say you are busy.  Let him know by your actions and behavior that while you are not planning on kicking him out, you don't intend to treat him like the father he should have been.  If he asks if he can visit, tell him you don't have time.  Tell him that he needs to give you space and time before you are going to allow him to be a big part of your life.  Give him a chance, but make sure he knows that he did wrong by you.

Answer 2

If you feel this strong about your father than cut him out of your life completely! Know one says you have to have anything to do with him because he is your father. And please don't tell me he is walking you down the isle? When he comes over leave, don't be around him. And why would go out with him if you really hate him this much? You need to sit back and really think hard on how you feel about him. Are you upset that after your mom died he was never there?And didn't take care of you. You have a lot of issues with him that need to be rectified.

Answer 3

Hi

If your father wasn't involved much in your life and is making you make up lies for him then don't. It will just confuse everyone there if hes telling people one thing and you another. I think you should tell him to but out and that its your life and he didn't make an effort to be a part of it. If he wants to go on spreading lies, let him do so, but just tell anyone who asks you about what he said ' He said that? He's more deluded than I am..'

He doesn't deserve you.

Chloe x

Answer 4

This will only be resolved thru self rerflection - does HE bother you, or what he been DOING?