Please help my relationship. We are starting again after she was unfaithful ?

Question

Please could you help me! after a brief and meaningless affair , my girl and me want to start over. I admit I had been very uncaring to her and regret this, and she regrets what she did. At the time i noticed she was sleeping badly and having nightmares. she really does regret it - and I#m totally in love with her.

please give me tips to make sure that we stay happy again, without jealousy! (incidentally I had also looked at girls in dating sites, but only met up for a drink with them - this was stupid of me i know) (but she really did sleep with someone - but i understand I drove her to it)

Answer 1

They say that love and relationship always deserve a second chance...If you still love her and are ready to trust her again, then, by all means start all over again...But be sure to really trust her again with all your heart....

Answer 2

You both need to sit down and have a long honest talk about this.

Both of you should make a list as to why you think this happened, and what you both want out of this relationship.

Try to be as honest with each other as possible, and talk through all the problems you were having.

You admit you were both in the wrong, so that is the first step. You also must both sincerely forgive each other, and try to forget about this. Any arguements in the future can't have this event dragged into it once you have agreed to move on.

If you both love each other and are both willing to work hard, this may end up making you stronger than ever.

Good luck & I hope it goes well :)

Answer 3

leopards never change there spots, shes done it once n uv forgiven her so whats to say she wont do the same thing again

Answer 4

I tell everyone this , It's bugging me now . !

IF she did it ONCE she'll do it AGAIN.

Answer 5

TRUST is the key to any reltionship you have to redevolop that trust and you will be flying high

Answer 6

It's hard to move on from something like this. However, it isn't impossible.

You know that she regrets it and that she's sorry. Chances are that if she had a horrible reaction as she obviously did with nightmares it's probably not something she ever desires to do again. She obviously loves you and knows she made a mistake.

You have already take the first step and that's forgiving her and loving her despite her faults. That's love <3

The next steps are to just take it one day at a time and move past any of the hurt that the two of you caused one another.

Do more things together, and do things that will help the two of you rebuild your bound as a couple.

Make sure the two of you are verbally affectionate to one another and not just physically. Words are important too! :)

Also, if by chance this incident that occurred got told to someone outside the two of you make sure that you don't listen to anything negative they might say about the decision you made to give her another chance. ( It may not be that anybody says anything) but just in case. Don't let somebody instill doubt into your decision because that will make it harder to move forward!

<3 Good luck!! :)

Answer 7

I personally don't think it will work. But good luck anyway.

Answer 8

well the trust thing is gone and it will take for ever for this to ever be overlooked.

If your not married and both of you have the wondering eye, i'd say start over with someone new

I would have started over if their were no kids involved.

Answer 9

I know what you are feeling because I went through a similar thing with my ex-husband.  We had a lot of problems in the marriage and he felt I drove him away, and to be honest, I believed so as well.  He met this girl and they started seeing each other and started an affair.  I found out and it was absolutely devastating for me.

We tried again, going to RELATE, counselling, anti-depressives, but I must say that you never forget this kind of thing, and there will always be an issue with trust in the relationship.  It only lasted 2 years before I had enough and decided that I could not continue with the relationship.

If you have truly forgiven her and you truly believe that you will not bring the issue up in the future, then do whatever is necessary to get your relationship back together, but in experience, I don't think it will last long.

I wish you all the luck!

Answer 10

Sounds like your both as bad as one another, therefore maybe your relationship will work.

Answer 11

You have to learn to forgive her. You are making a new start, so that means neither of you can bring up what has happened in the past or use it against each other during arguments. If you really love her, then it'll be worth the try, however I do think you are taking a risk, she has hurt you before and may see you as a pushover now.  

Answer 12

You can forgive a thief, You can forgive a liar but you can never forgive someone who has been unfaithful, It will always be in the back of your mind. Do yourself a favour and start again with a new partner.

Answer 13

No you did not drive her to it. She had affair in her blood all along...all you did was bring out the truth about her.

If she was a good woman she would of divorced you first before having an affair.

Answer 14

The party is over mister.

Answer 15

Once it fails...  it will fail again. Start again but each one separately. Good luck!

Answer 16

Well if you're both committed to making the relationship work again, then I applaud you. You're both bigger people than I could ever be. ^_^

The jealousy WILL be an issue for a long while, but I think you two have a bigger issue to work on; commitment. What exactly did you do to "drive" her to cheat on you? And why do you think you were also looking at girls on dating sites while still in a relationship? By getting to the root of why both of you strayed (in different degrees of severity), this will help resolve any future trust issues you might have.

If you can afford it, a professional counselor can help answer these questions.  

Answer 17

go have an affair of ur own jokkkkking

if she says she regrets it and u love her u just have 2 trust her

Answer 18

it's a shame you feel you drove her to it & if thats the case, this should serve as a slesson thet we need to look after what we have. If you'r edoing things that you're not supposed to be doing in a relationship, and making the other peson feel unloved & insecure, then you shouldn't be in a relationship. Have you ever thought of how she feels towards you? The trust YOU have broken when you were doing all those other things? From looking online, to talking to s*x....it all comes under the same  thing: CHEATING.  

Answer 19

to be honest.. kick her to the kerb and move on. if she done it once she is capable of doing it again!!

but if ur determined to give it another go.. u have to be honest with each other

dont keep stuff seceret. stop using dating sites. having female friends is not a problem but goin on dating sites to find them is!

an u need to be prepared for an argument.. cos if up her cheatin when u argue u can kiss goodbye to her for ever.

keep the fun in ur relationship an things shud be ok.. try being spontaneous.. book a wk end away sumwhere.. doesnt ahve to be expensive..like go camping or go to the seaside and stay in a b&b. take her out to the cinema and for a meal.

buy her flowers (not all the time but before she asks u too!)

Answer 20

Why were you looking at dating sites and why was she conducting an affair?

You both found something missing in your relationship and unless that is sorted both or one of you will start the same old thing again.

I am not sure a life long commitment is workable these days.  The more and more I get clued up on marriages the more I think, why bother?  Half end in divorce.  Why not just be happy and have a succession of relationships of between 2-10 years?

Answer 21

My husband cheated on me and I accepted him back to work on our marriage.  It is now better than it ever has been.  It will take a long time and you BOTH need to be transparent with eachother in everything you do.  This is help bring the trust back into the relationship.  Start dating again, get counseling, read books, find each other's love language...you BOTH need to put your whole hearts into it and do everything and anything to try to make this work.  Good luck.

Answer 22

Well If you are going to take her back....you have to forgive her....If you hold on to the affair it will eat you alive.

You also cannot walk around mistrusting her every move. You have to understand anyone can cheat at anytime. If you restrain her, to keep her from cheating you will drive her right back out of your life.

You have to be a hero and step up and say...This is the past and it cannot be changed but it can be worked through.

Make an effort to make her feel important and to let her know what you want and need from the relationship that way you'll avoid any future straying.

Answer 23

Wow, people here are very black and white. If you both want this then you can make it work. In fact you may have a better chance than most as both of you know what you stand to lose and don't want to make the same mistakes again.

What you both have to do is agree to let the past stay in the past and not keep bringing it up - work on the future.

Good luck - and I know a couple who have now been happily married for over 10 years with 2 gorgeous kids who went through exactly the same experience.

Answer 24

Trust... Honesty and Respect.

Until you can honestly say that you have all of those then this relationship won't work.

You have a LOT of work to do between you...good luck.

Answer 25

The grass does always look greener on the other side. If both of you are honest and give it your best then all should be fine. Stay away from those chat sites and keep an ear open if she needs to talk.

Sometimes it does take a mistake to realize what you do have.

Answer 26

Many relationships end with reasons of infidelity. But you two look positive as you realize what was wrong between yourselves and want to change. That's really nice!

My advice is, you two have to communicate very well. Communication is one of the most important things beside love, especially in or after troubled relationship.

Second is, always look positive side of your partner and compliment each other. By doing this, you feel loved and cared.

My last advice is, you two can try something new. Maybe plan for a travel (romantic Carribean beach, Cancun Mexico etc... if you can't afford, then you two make plan and start save money, so you have happy plan together) or do some sports together.. etc.

But after all, if you have God in you, He will lead you all the way.

I think you are a very nice man with a big heart.

All the best !  

God bless you.

Answer 27

I doubt you'll like my answer.  But, here goes.  First, NOBODY is "driven" to have an affair.  You may have been a butthead, but she did what she did.  Unforgivable? Not always.  Some people can forgive an affair, and get past it.  But, you never mention that this relationship IS a marital relationship.  Are you married?  Or, is this just a couple people playing house?  My answer is ONLY if you are married.  If you are just friends that share a home and bed, then she didn't cheat, because she COULDN'T.  Only MARRIED people CAN cheat.  Only marriage provides a reasonable expectation of fidelity.  It's tough enough making a relationship work, when you follow "the rules"  But, when you try to build a relationship, without first building a foundation"marriage", then the structure isn't going to last, just as a house wouldn't last if you simply tried to build it without a foundation.  EDIT  EDIT.  My point is that real life doesn't stay like high school.  Bill giving his varsity jacket or class ring to Susie means they are a couple, and only date each other.  That's fine for school kids, but just doesn't translate into a way to live for adults.  Sadly, many people confuse high school dating with life.