Please help - need help to decide how to change my life?

Question

Here's me and my problem:

I grew up in a very strict, very dysfunctional home. At my local public grade school I was exremely smart, always getting perfect grades. However, I was also a nerd, and was constantly bullied and teased. I tried to change my image a bit at the beginning of high school but the same thing happened. Finally I began to smoke to ease stress. This led me to hanging out with smokers, which led me to recreational drinking and drugs. I loved the effects they had on me - they let me escape. I also gained friends, and no one messed with me anymore. I had a new image, and lived up to it. I got acceptance, friends, and girls started to come onto me (i had never even dated until my senior year of hs; i still have never gone out with anyone). but recently a lot of girls have been interested and have been flirting with me, just because i'm wild and dangerous. However, I realize that I'm hurting people who love me. I'm going to the University of Minnesota on scholarship, but I'm falling into addiction. I know with me and alcohol its all or nothing; and I use drugs as an escape, from life and from all my troubles that I have bottled up for all of my life. I don't want to hurt people, and want to make something of my life, but I NEVER want to go back to the old me. I love having girls interested in me and having friends; i'm know if i go and sober up i'll lose all that. College will give me a fresh start - but I don't know which path to take. Please help me.

Answer 1

Moderation is key my friend... If your addiction is bad then you should get help. You already have a leg up because you realize it's a problem and want to change. I think that you should just balance both lives or in other words be a cool nerd. I know a kid that's in 4 AP classes, on varsity football, has a beautiful gf, and the funniest part is that he has a 4.1 GPA. It can be done...

Answer 2

You know the answer. College is time to better your life for a great job. What would having a degree do when you go to get a job but can't pass a drug test or worse have a criminal record with drugs. You know what the right answer is. Popularity is not what matters in the real world in high school yes but it won't get you anywhere in real life.  

Answer 3

Are you really sure this is the kinds of friends you want>?Are you sure all of this worth it beacuse girls are now coming onto you? I think young man, you're in the wrong crowd, and if you don't break free from the shackles that is holding onto you, you're going to do more than hurt the ones who love you!Drugs, alcohol, s*x, is not the company you really want to keep! There is NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING SMART!Did it ever occur to you why you are so smart?All you have to do is ask God for the answers you are seeking, and those friends that you have now ARE NOT YOUR TRUE FRIENDS! The Lord gave you many gifts, but the most important one is [love], of others, and the love from Him for you, He allows all of us to make different choices in our lives, some maybe wrong, and some maybe right, but young man, I truly believe in my heart you need to retract your decisions about these fake friends, and get back to the life the Lord intended for you to live, and doing drugs,(and messing up your life), and drinking alcohol isn't in His plans for either!And these so called friends is not the kind the Lord wants you to have, He wants you to have real, true friends, not being your friend, cause you raise he-- with your new aquaintences, you definitely could not call them friends in any sense of the word! Young man ask God for your answers He'll answer you, and show you what friends He want you to hang around with, please gey out of this situation before you have so much trouble, you'll have trouble getting out of it! And as far you wanting to change your life I can understand that, and you will for the better, you see I know about trouble that's tied into drinking, (no drugs), wrong friends! I now have a disease in my body, called nerve damage, it is eating up all my muscles in my body(from drinking alcohol to excess), please do not do this to yourself, quit all of the bad you thought was good for you, and return to your life of who you are! God does not make mistakes! Just ask for help! He's been right there beside you all this time, wating on you to ask Him for help! He will never leave you alone, He's a great listener, try you'll see!May God be with you while you're getting your life back, from someone who has no business in your life!I drank for 25 yrs. but I've sober 31 yrs. This beautiful world that the Lord made for all of us to enjoy, is alot prettier looking out your window at the sunshine, than trying to see it thru the bottom of a beer bottle, seeing thru the drugs after you come down, off the drugs!I have 1 question for you? After taking all the drugs, drinking all the alcohol,to help you forget your problems, after all of that was over, did it help you!? Did you forget all that you anted to forget? Did it make you a better person? Didn't think so!

Answer 4

Amanda is right - you know the answer.

The question I think you are asking is how to be smart, get good grades, AND make friends at the same time.  Before, it seemed like you could have one or the other, not both.

The good news is that colleges are a great place to meet other smart people who like being smart and getting good grades.

Work on developing the parts of your personality that make you attractive to people.  Those characteristics have always been part of you but you were too shy or uncomfortable to show them before you started drinking and smoking.  I don't believe you that if you sober up girls won't be interested in you. I am sure you have other good qualities besides being wild and dangerous.

It is great that you realize some of your habits are not good for you.  If you seriously want to gain control over them, please consider a therapist to help you make the changes you want.

A good therapist (and there are plenty of good ones) can help you become the person you are wanting to be without having to give up your other good qualities, like intelligence and caring about others.

A good therapist will help you to move past all the troubles that you have bottled up for all of your life, and teach you how to deal with the future in better ways.

College is an excellent opportunity to make those changes and to get a fresh start in a new environment.

Go for it! and Good Luck.

Answer 5

Well you really hav been through a lot.  but believe me drugs and alcohol is not what makes you get friends.  I know you're scared of going backk to the old you but just be yourself.  The way you are is what will make you get friends.  From what i've read you are not a nerd.  being smart doesn't make you a nerd.  uuuhhhhh well its true that the whole being "Dangerous" does usually attract friends but sometimes its not the right friends.  Plus you don't want to hurt the people you care about.  So my advice just be yourself, don't overthink things, just chill, stop the addiction, and that should work.  Hope that helped. later    

Answer 6

Drugs and alcohol are not what makes u cool, u are.  All they did was give you permission to do what you didn't think you could get away with sober.  Ur an adult now and don't need permission anymore.  This is ur chance to start anew, so just do it anew...  quit drugs and alcohol, and cigs- not very popular these days with the fairer s*x.  Any girl worth your time will prefer you sober anyway.  You are not you on drugs or drunk.  You are not the old you no matter what because you have changed as you've grown older.  The best advice anyone can give you is to be yourself.  Smart is not bad, as long as ur smart about life too.  Smart people don't do drugs or stay drunk all the time.  Drinking in itself isn't bad, but being a drunk is. Know ur limits and respect them so you don't lose control of yourself, or do something you will regret- like drunk driving or hurting someone.  You can be fun without those things.  Be playful, while respecting personal space; listen to people, they are the biggest clue to what they want in a relationship or friendship; Only socialize with people who are healthy friends.  Choose on-campus organizations with similar interests as you and you will surely find people who share ur interests.  Don't be afraid to be yourself ( I just can't say it enough).  Anyone worth hanging out with will like you for you, not because you were smashed and high at some party.  Take the sober path, it's just as fun and at least you remember the trip afterwards.    

Answer 7

What's more important, having friends who like you for who you pretend to be to fit in or for the person you truly are.  My boyfriend had the same problem as a teenager.  He felt if you think outside or live outside the box or didn't follow the crowd, you wouldn't be well liked. I'm certainly glad he realized that he was smarter than that and got his act together.  Now, those same friends or what he thought was his friends are in jail, on drugs or dead.

You sound smart enough to make that change for the better; for now and the future.  Don't throw away a promising life an exchange for a dangerous one.  When you go to the University of Minnesota, surround yourself with people who are positive and want more in life.  You will see being smart is not abnormal.

I wish you all the best! Stay on the right path!  Don't be a what if story.

Answer 8

I'm glad that you shared your life with us, but i'm going to give you the straight answer. You are who you are! Be yourself! You are just one person in a billion on this earth. Love who you are and not what the smoking, drugs, and drinking can do for you. I wasn't raised in a strict family, but I was raised to believe that the wrongs that you do will end up hurting you down the line. I though that I would be a single man after leaving high school, but I work hard in believed in myself that there was someone out there for me. After acouple of years I met a wonderful lady and got married and had kids. I couldn't be more happier with the "right and correct" decision that I made. God only put me here to live life and come home when he said it's time.