Please help! what do i tell my child.........?

Question

my girl is 10 1/2 years old. she is a very well behaved child & has never gotten in trouble at school. she is in the 5th grade. i have always taught her to not be rude & never fight with ppl. her cousin is 11 and keeps harassing her. she calls her fat, yells in her face, shoves & pushes her. the child's parents know this & do nothing. i keep telling her to ignore her, but she is starting to get to her. now my child wants to go on a diet & flipped out on her cousin yesterday when she shoved her off the seat on the bus & yelled in her face. what do i tell her to do? i have always told her not to fight with ppl no matter what, but i can't just let her cousin destroy her like this. thanks for your help.

Answer 1

Obviously the cousin has entered puberty and at this age girls get nasty.  The cousin is feeling self conscious about her own appearance and when girls feel this way they tend to make fun of other girls.  It is quite normal.  I would continue to tell your daughter to ignore it because one of these days things will all even out and your daughter will be the one teasing another girl.  

Answer 2

It's a shame that a family member (her cousin) has to be that cruel to another family member. Is there anyway you can step on the bus and have a few words with this obnoxious cousin? put a scare in her. Or you can call the school and report her to the principle. They can do plenty like suspending her off the bus. Her parents will not like taking her to school. They may say something to her then.

you are bringing your daughter up in the right manner, unfortunately... you have some parent who want to teach their children to bully so they never get picked on. It's a shame! especially when the parents don't do anything about their children's behavior. I have 4 boys, they never bullied anyone nor laid a hand on anyone, they would have me to deal with if they did. Kids were intimidated by them because they are very tall and athletic, but deep down inside, they are kind and respect others no matter what they look like. I do have to say... one of my sons did defend a neighbor boy who was bullied terribly before we moved in the neighborhood, he did back this bully up into a tree and told him if he ever catches him bulling anyone, he was going to bully him back. things became fine after that. you do need to report this. other wise it will cause tremendous low self esteem with your daughter at an age when she should be enjoying and i don't want to see the precious thing go through this.

Answer 3

I'd first and foremost sit down with the parents again.

if they don't get it get the teachers, principle, and bus driver involved. there has to be some kind of harassment or tolerance rule in the school.

if none of this works sit them down one more time with a warning of getting the law involved. that could be police, harassment suit, whatever.

if you don't want to do any of this at least get your child in self defense classes to protect herself... this kid's not going to stop at pushing. "don't fight people no matter what" no matter what? what about when this kid punches her in the face? pulls her hair out? starts vicious rumors?

this kid is just going to keep getting worse and worse. you're daughters self esteem will get worse and worse and right now she might not feel like you're on her side at all. the only other thing you can do, and is probably out of the question, is to switch schools. but what happens when there's another bully?  

Answer 4

First and foremost, tell your child that they should be happy with themselves and if they are not, they have a right to try to change something, but fighting should never be the answer to things.  Honestly, it may be a health risk depending on how overweight your child is, if she even is.  You may want to ask a doctor about younger "dieting".  Not to be mean, but I see a lot of overweight children and feel for them b/c down the road they may have health issues due to it, but they don't know this, it's their parent's job to keep them healthy as they grow until they're "out of the nest" in my opinion.

Answer 5

you should threaten them with the police if the parents wont do any thing its not fair on your child the police will scare her into stopping even though they are family its still bullying  

Answer 6

How about telling her cousin's parents that unless they start making their daughter behave properly, you won't let her near your daughter any longer.

Answer 7

I think you need to teach her the opposite and stick up for herself. If its not her cousin, it could be someone else. Sticking up for herself does not mean physical fighting, but you cant allow people to walk all over her

Answer 8

let her go on the diet, but tell her that she does need to fite bak tho, wat if some1 coms to her w nife, she just stands there, she needs to fite bak sometimeds,hate to break that to you!

Answer 9

You are expecting your 10 year old child to behave like a 40 year old adult.  Kids are kids and at that age, bullies are a fact of life and must be dealt with.  You are teaching your child to allow a person to abuse her.  Your daughter had enough and "flipped out" as you say, although you didn't define what "flipped out" included.

I say let them handle it old-school style, even if it means an old fashioned fight since alerting the cousin's parents has dead-ended. That mean cousin needs to be taught a lesson and your child needs to learn how to defend herself.  

Oh and don't think an old-fashioned fist fight will turn your child into a thug...it won't.  It will teach her that defending herself is actually very positive and healthy.  Why, do you suppose, women learn self defense to ward off attackers???  Should they just let them mug or rape them in the name of "never fighting with people"???

Passivity isn't the answer here, it is proving more destructive than anything else.  If you aren't careful, your child will develop disrespect for you and your passive ways because of the painful injustice it/you tolerate.

Answer 10

If the kids parents know and y'all are related...

Do what we do in the south:

Just let your daughter whoop his *** one good time, he sounds like he needs it.

You can be smart and successful and polite and and and!

But; diets and all that?

Reinforce that fighting is not always the answer, but it is definitely a quick attitude adjuster.  

Answer 11

I understand you not wanting your child fighting but to just ignore the situation can sometimes add fuel to the fire.  Some children will just prey on the weak, it makes them feel bigger.  If other bullies see this they may start to join in.  It needs to be made clear that she will not be a target.  I think your daughter needs to display a clear barking warning and if it continues I agree with a good a$@ kickin.  I always tell my children that they are not allowed to start fights but will not be punished for defending themselves. There really is a big difference.

Answer 12

She needs to beat her cousin's @ss one good time. I'm sure she will leave her alone after that. What kind of parents does the cousin have if they aren't disciplining her? That's supposed to be her family. I think it's ridiculous. Don't teach her to be a wimp. If she can't even stick up to her own cousin, imagine all the other people in world who are going to harass her and walk all over her.

Answer 13

Her own cousin is doing this?  I would directly speak to her parents about this as they are family....

Tell your daughter she is beautiful just the way she is and to not listen to rude / obnoxious people even if they are family!