Please help with a needy/annoying mother in law?

Question

My mother in law is really causing problems. She called us today from California (she is visiting her son - she lives nearby us here in PA) saying to my husband that she's upset because she thinks I "hate her" and that she is sad because she knows when her grandson is born (I am due 12/19) that she isn't going to be the most favored grandparent (my parents are) and so because of this she is leaving to visit her other son in California for Christmas because it is obvious we don't even want her and so it is pointless to be around for her grandson. Furthermore, she says we were not sympathetic enough about her "pneumonia" before she left for California and she was really upset about it. I put that in quotations because I would run out of fingers and toes to count the number of illness she has had in the past year - furthermore, the pneumonia cleared up in 3 days.

Anyway, I'm not sure where she gets this. We are at her house every day helping her out and sympathizing with her various short term and chronic illnesses. Her son does EVERYTHING for her because she has chronic back problems and "fibromyalgia" so she can't do much - this woman is 60. I am there with her talking to her when he is not and doing shopping (including baby shopping) with her. And my husband thinks I am super sweet to her. So I have no clue where she gets the "I hate her" from.

Does it just sound like she is trying to get attention? Any tips on how to deal with this?

Answer 1

JUST BE EXTRA SWEET TO HER...

Answer 2

yea she is just trying to get attention. I am guessing that she was like this before you got married so you sort of knew what you were getting into. Just keep being nice. You really cant change her and she sounds a little crazy saying she is always sick. If she chooses to go out of town for christmas then let her but be as nice as you can to her in the mean time. Continue doing what you are doing. I think that if she can get over being sick so fast she will probally get over this too. Your husband problally wants her in his life so this is what you guys have to do. And even if you dont want her to tell her you would love to have her around for christmas. But reallly she will be like this until she dies so you just have to learn to cope.

Answer 3

She certainly is doing things purposely to get attention, doing the "poor me" act.  I don't know what more  you could do for her from the sounds of it.  I would ask her where she gets the idea she w/not be a part of the family after the baby arrives.  For heavens sake, she even sounds jealous of the attention the baby w/get over her.  Some people you just cannot please regardless of what you do for them.  She sounds like one of them.  You know in your heart you've gone above & beyond for this woman, so I would have no guilt in what she says about you.  You know the truth, your husband knows the truth, & I'm sure the other family in CA are also aware of what kind of a person she is.  She's got to get off her "pitty pot" & be grateful for everything that's being done for her.  If you want, come rite out & ask her why she feels you hate her when you've always been rite there for her.  I have a very bad back too, but NO ONE does anything for me, & I don't expect them to.  I've found the more I sit around doing nothing, the worst I feel.  Maybe if she got herself up & moving around she'd feel lots better.  I mean that in all sincerity.  If she keeps this up, you have no choice but to ignore her & tell her you feel she should show you more kindness & gratefullness in all that's being done for her.   If she keeps it up, she's just going to drive everyone away & she'll find herself alone.  No one is going to even want to be around her & I'd let her know just that.  All the best to you...:)

Answer 4

What an ungreatful lady. What else does she want you guys to do?

I think she just wants attention. I knwo it sounds silly but i think she is jealous of the baby because she KNOWS once the baby gets here you guys will need to focus on the baby and not on her. I say you confornt her about what she sadi but in a calm manner and ask her what have you ever done to make her feel that way, also make it known to her now that when yourbaby gets here you will be very busy and might not be able to tend to her as you and your hubby usually do.  

Answer 5

Maybe your like me- making the attempt to be nice but in other ways show your agitation with her neediness and constant "illness".

I try to be nice to my mother but she had a fake limp, and when she starts limping around I know that my facial expression gives away that I don't believe her and my voice tone does too, even though I'm trying my best not to make it obvious.

Also she probably thinks you won't have so much time to dedicate to her when the kid is born, she sounds jealous and insecure.