Please help with my almost 4-year old daughter. Behavioral/social problems. Autistic? Immature? Maybe bad mom?

Question

In 3k two mornings a week-put her in KNOWING she has social issues - thought it may "help". Teachers say she doesn't talk in class or socialize. Limited eye contact. Has had eval by district and "doesn't qualify for spec ed".

She was rated (by me) as having a "definite difference" is all 4 quad of sensory test. Test was tossed out as "that isn't possible". Social skills tested at 24 m/o. Spacial portion of IQ was "borderline delayed" at 82. Knowledge was 106. Can't understand verbal directions, but can learn great visually.

District made me out to be exaggerating or attention-seeking. Said could be parenting. DD is just challenging us and will do well 5 days/wk in 4k. Now mind you her teachers that pushed me for eval.

Not sure what to do. Is she "on the spectrum", is there bad parenting?, is she just very shy and immature?, all of the above. She is "difficult" at home. Has recently begun wetting. 4yr visit in a month. Discuss with ped? Will be shattered being told it's me again.

Answer 1

THANK GOD you are a proactive parent! Listen, depending out your medical insurance coverage...you could be getting the run around...insurance companies don't want to pay extra money. Second...I know that the public school system, is very hard to into the special needs program. You need to keep pushing!!! It is your job as a mom. Thank you for not running away from the problem. It is really easy to look the other way. I would suggest paying the money to meet with someone like a speech pathologist, they will help teach you what doors need to be open etc. My cousin (an attorney mind you) had the same problem! She was at wits ends with her son and fighting with the school system, doctors etc. She did finally get her son into a special ed program. Keep doing your homework, read up on child development. WE are parents and it is our job. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 2

Sounds like autism of some sortto me and the typiacal school run around. Did theydo the right tests? Tossing parent surver\ys are a no-no. You need to read IDEA and can look at wrightslaw site online to get some guidance on this. You must ask for stuff in writing, ask for their reasoning in writing, then write a request for an indepandent educational evaluation. They have a timeline and you get to pick who does it. Thj\hey might try to throw it awayif it s\does not jibe with their desires on this, which is to get you--the good concerned parent--to shut up and go away. Whatever you do don't do that because they will fault you on that also! Find a parent advocate....they are around. In Ohio we have a coalition of parent advocates who can attend meeting with us, free. Find them in your state and have them go with you. My advice is to not go to meetings without two things...documentation and an advocate or mentor. Schools play the odds...odds are the parent will give up and one less to provide services for. For those who don't go away easily we will berate them and tell them they are bad parents and odds are they will stop asking. For those who still persist, we will stymie them and tell them we can';t and odds are they will stop asking...odds are that most peple will do that or find a way round their incompetence by providing at their own expense services outside of school that they won't have to pay for or deal with in the classroom. However they are, like it or not (and they don't) mandated fy federal law to find those children and provide them with services. Time consuming, rusta\rating but necessary for your child to be the one with a catttle prod poking at them the entire way....but if you don't do it I can guarantee you that odds are nobody else will.  Don't buy the bad parenting lael unless you are a bad parent. Find a reliable therapist for the kid to help out. I would avoid psychiatrists and seek out a neurologist or a developmental neurologist instead.

Answer 3

Never ever blame yourself. Blaming the parent is the easy way out for the professionals involved. You need to note down all her behaviour on a daily basis and anything out of the ordinary that she does. You must also remind the other people who are involved with your daughter that you are her mother and you are the person who knows her best. I went through the same thing with my own daughter. I knew there was something different with her but was told there was absolutely nothing wrong with her. I did manage to get a look at her medical notes and was shocked to see the paediatrician had written that I was an over protective parent and it was my parenting skills that were to blame, needless to say I changed to a new paediatrician with more experience. My daughter now has her diagnosis and gets the help she needs. You must keep detailed records of her behaviours and present these to her paediatrician, if possible try to record some of the behaviours on your mobile phone to use as proof. I hope your daughter gets the help both she and you need.

Answer 4

Parents who care are rarely bad.  we all try to do the best we can.  Sometimes we may get it a little wrong.

It sounds to me as though you have concerns based on sensible observations etc.  After all, teachers had prompted you - so they too have some concerns.

Sometimes very clever children with a disability may e classed as fully normal as they can still achieve OK.  For example, i remember a student at one of my schools, severely dyslexic, but as she had an IQ of 154 (the highest in the school) she could outperform average children despite her dyslexia.  The exam board would therefore not allow her to use a keyboard, though that is what she required to perform at the level she deserved.  it is possible your daughter is similar, ie clever enough to mask her problem.  Special needs if identified can cost the authorities more, so it can be harder to get an accurate diagnosis.

Can you make contact with an autistic group that socialise with their children?  the more you understand about the possibilities the more you are able to make a judgment, and then to decide whether to push for further expert diagnosis.  Your concern may be making your daughter nervous (bed wetting) or she may be finding the stress of socialising is a little overwhelming.  Keep reassuring her how much you love her, make sure there are opportunities for her to do those activities she most enjoys.  don't beat yourself up worrying about your parenting at thi stage!!!  Good luck.

Answer 5

The ONLY way you can get help by the public schools is that your child has to qualify for sepcial education.

I know you said your child doesnt' qualify, but did the school go about the correct legal process in determining she doesn't qualify?

Most parents dont' know that most schools DON"T follow the legal process, to keep kids OUT of special ed.

Schools always put the blame back on the child and/or the parent to get them 'off the hook' so to speak.

They try their best to prove the childs problems are not qualified to be helped thru special ed.

The teachers 'pushed' for the eval because they usually do not know that the 'higher ups' in the system are the ones who don't want to qualify kids for special ed.

There are many things you can do at this point to STILL get help from the school. It's too complicated to list it all here.  If you would like me to help,  email  [e-mail]

Answer 6

She could have autism,and be high functioning,or aspergers.Limited eye contact,doesn`t socialize or talk with the other kids or teachers.These are symptoms of ASD.She may be higher functioning,so more difficult to get services.I would have her evaluated away from the school.Someone in the area that specializes in ASD disorders.Get more opinions.

Answer 7

if you have a 36 month old child scoring at the 24 month level in one area-that qualifies for special education in my state

the criteria are

25% delay in 2 or more areas

or 33% delay in 1 area

24 out of 36 months is a 33% delay

You need an independent education eval-you may be able to get teh school to pay for it

in my state if you sue teh school and win-you get reimbursed fro everything

You need an eval by a developmental pediatrician

Was there a speech therapy eval-what did that say-

unable to follow directions is a significant language problem

A lot of times teh regualr pediatrician knows nothing about developmental issues and will just blame it on the parent or say there is nothing wrong-

DON"T listen to taht-insist on a developmenatl pediatrician or pediatric neurologist or developmenatl neurologist

and if it is you-you are taking responsibility and tahts a good thing-

start some parenting classes--maybe work with a psychologist

Answer 8

Your pediatrician will only be able to refer you to someone.  I tend not to count on them for too much.  Contact your insurance co. and get a referral to a child psychiatrist.  They can give your child a diagnosis.  They are specially trained and have a lot more experience with children and disabilities.  Also, push for a neurological Psych Evaluation.  The child psych can suggest someone.  The no school left behind act wants children who have special needs to be mixed in with regular kids.  It's almost impossible since the learning styles are so different and the kids can't keep up.  They need smaller, structured environments. Don't give up, as a last resort, go to the local Social Services area office and ask to speak to a supervisor.  Let her know the problems with your child and that you need help.  Believe it or not, they don't only deal with "troubled" or kids whose parents can't take care of them.  They are a wealth of info and know where to go and what to do.  Just Be Persistent!!!

Answer 9

You know your child better than anyone.  If you feel there is a problem I would enlist the help of a parent aide.  You should be able to go to your state's dept. of education website to find advocates for you. An Internet search may provide the name, address and phone number of agencies that can help.  These advocates are usually free of charge.  Special ed. law can be confusing and you may have more rights than are being disclosed.

You can also look into your states Department of Family Services.  They may have voluntary services (again free) that can come into your home, work with you on parenting style and be an ally when you are dealing with the school system.  They can point you in the right direction anyway.