Please help with my mistakes?

Question

Can you plllleeeeaaassseeee read this and tell me what mistakes i made? (spelling/ grammar) Also if the wording is bad or if i need to add or take away? I really need this job or I can't go to this college so please! Itll only take a sec!

Why do you want to work for ******* ************ ?

More specifically, what do you expect to learn from ******* ************ ?

I believe that the best way to gain true knowledge of any field is to experience it firsthand. I am majoring in Entrepreneurship/Finance, and the opportunity to work at ******* ************ would educate me about how a business works from many levels. The experience would teach me what I cannot learn in the classroom. It would be a tremendous advantage for me to be an employee at ******* ************ because it complements what I came to learn at ** in the first place. I cannot imagine a better place than *** student run business to learn about how an organization really works.

Answer 1

i would suggest the following approach"

research the company you want to work for - what is their 'mission statement' then you can be enthusiastic and knowledgeable in giving your reasons for wanting to work there. link this with things you value highly, for eg, dynamic company, opportunity to begin your career in an area you love, blah blah

then you can talk about how that will tie in with your studies, but as it asks you to specific, you will need to give specific examples, rather than making general statements - for eg - it will give you the benefit of working beside experienced staff in the industry blah blah

the quality of your ideas is fine- you just need to display a little more depth  - good luck  

Answer 2

Everything okay, except the second and third last lines. Should be:

>>...it would complement what i come to learn at **.

>>delete 'in the first place' which is redundant.

Well done, on the whole. Good content and show of your conviction, attitude and passion. BTW,  a little lapse in grammar and quality of sentence structure are really considered minor in most jobs, in the education/language field. Cheers and good luck!  :-))

Answer 3

Really good. Just a suggestion but maybe try using a thesaurus on small words but otherwise good

Answer 4

you spelled compliment wrong, but other than that everything is good.