Please help with my poem?? i just wrote it, plz give feedback?

Question

"breaking dawn, breaks my heart

you'd have to take away all my abuse.

turn this madness into art.

for my expression goes unspoken.

i can never hate myself enough to make much sense.

with too many truths, that after taste is akward.

a blend of colour.

douse my thoughts with gasoline.

spark a fire.

i'll set your curosity a blaze

Answer 1

I have nothing to say on this poem, but i think Sam is out of her mind on drugs after making such a comment. It boggles the mind how stupid some people are.

Answer 2

It sounds like you are in a lot of pain.  If writing eases you or is a way of expression keep doing so.  My interpretation is: the dawning of a new day doesn't excite you any more.  With each new day comes a series of questions, ie:  is something good going to happen to me today?  I also see you keeping people at a distance because if they got to know the true you

it would shock them and they would no longer want to know you.

Answer 3

That poem is very good. It's interesting and way better than I or anyone I know could do.

Answer 4

That Rocks!

I really like it, I don't quite understand the "that after tast is awkward" part.....

GOOD JOB!

Answer 5

its not bad. I dig it

Answer 6

I pretty much agree with Siren on this one. I really liked it and she said all that I would have said.

Answer 7

What shines about this poem may not be the form, a thing I give little credence, but the unique concept... I have made it my own personal standard not to pay much attention to anything that does not feel original... as far as I can see this is and very... I love your use of words, I love the idea, I love the imagery...

I do have one question, why does it begin with a quotation when there is no other in the rest of the piece?

Moving on... you can, if you want, smooth it out a bit by changing some of the wording to make it more clear... unless clarity is not the goal. The first line threw me off but I have to say it was enough to draw me in as well... the seconded stanza-let is odd because it breaks from the form of the other two... not to say that this doesn't work, only I have not found an explanation for it... another suggestion is to use proper capitalization...

If you think that I am being too "rules Rules RULES!" here just take a look at some of my earliest works then come back to my more recent... I have been refined by many of the pros here on answers... they have helped me refine my art... and I have only benefited from it...

My two favorite lines and the reason I so love this poem... 'turn this madness into art,' ',spark a fire/ i'll set your curiosity ablaze,'... beautiful really...

Over all I say, exquisite... if you are new to the poetry world you are off to a great start... if not then I know you are progressing and learning more each day...

Blessed Be in The Ongoing Learning Process, Siren