ok i really dont wanna think this and sometimes it makes me dissappointed but...a normal human life is so incredibly undesirable to me...i wanna be more and i knwo evey human does but i feel like i dont fit ina anywhere, like im not sappose to be human! i know i dont have a mental problem but life hasnt been good for me so far but even when it was good i feel like there was always something missing, and its not God casue im close to him but i feel like he has something big planned for me but its liek this you knw when you say you cant miss soemthing if you've ner had it but i feel liek ive nevre had "it" whateverthatmay be yet i still feel empty...i mean sure i wanna have a fmaily but not as much as my burning passion to be "immortal" mayeb i feel weakness in myself and thats why i wanna be like this but, evben asked my friend im drawn to mystery and adventure and sometimes i go looking for trouble just to fill in that hole! liek id lay outside at ngiht and be totally entralled by the moon cause its out of this world and something more, and i knwo evry human wants somethng otu of this world and more and such but they get over it eventrally and when i look back...ive never thought normally i always saw the world in a different way evern though i coudl be so intuned to whats normal like i can feel something there always but its always out of reach...i dont wnana think this way...i just wanan be happy being human! im always making sure that its safe like...its my "duty" lol to make sure its sfe lol gosh...i feel retarted but i feel like i would die to save people who are so mean to me...i just want it to stop! =p and i repeat again...tests have proven i dont have a mental dissability (they took tests on me cause my brother is severly retarded) =p
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