Please i really need help...How to remove my fear that my husband will cheat on me or two-time me?

Question

i just have this constant paranoia or fear that my husband might find someone else or have another woman behind my back. He's in another country for a year and a half now, we became exclusive (bf-gf) for a year and got married on 2006 and been able to be together for only 6 months (after getting married) before he left for abroad, we have no kids yet. it's so hard for me, i know he loves me and is doing everything for our future (we are planning to settle and start our family outside the country after his contract which will end on May 2009, he will renew his contract and apply for an immigrant visa and finally get me). He have assured me often that he only loves me and thinks of our future. i know i'm being stupid for feeling insecure or afraid that he would suddenly go behind my back, but i'm really having a hard time controlling these emotions, and talking with my husband didn't help either, because i've tried getting assurance from him too much already that he got fed up about it (he got pretty mad one time,and i really did some serious apologizing) i know they say that the more you don't trust your husband the more he will be pushed to do just what you are fearing he will do. That's why i really need some good advice how to stop feeling like this already, i know i've got trust issues and i know the problem is with me..if anyone can recommend a really good therapist (which won't cost me too much and still within budget) for me to talk with regarding this please let me know, i love my husband so much i wouldn't want to lose him because of my unjustified paranoia

Answer 1

I am only going to tell you the story about my son.He was involved not married to a woman and he really seemed to love her alot.

But their was one major problem......She was so insecure that i actually watched through the two years how much it drained him.

Finally after two years he said she was way to needy,and he couldnt do it anymore.

I dont beleive you have anything to worry about.

But I do think you need to get busy with your life so you dont come on so needy.I have seen that break down a relationship and its not good.

Answer 2

You need to give yourself a pep talk. You have a good man there. I have a loving wonderful husband, but there is no way he would where a headset out with the boys just to make me feel better. He would say, get over it or don't. Think of things this way for a while. Every time you question his faithfulness you are basically calling him a liar. He won't put up with that forever. Also why do you think you are not worthy of him and that he can't possibly love you the way he says he does? Every time you ask for reassurance, you are bringing attention to your own bad qualities, pointing them out over and over for him to see. That is not attractive. Pep up! Know that you are the one he loves and wants to be with, play up all your good qualities every time you talk and stop asking for validation and start giving him your real love. One more thing. Always ask yourself, what is the worst thing that could happen? If he goes out with his buddies and get drunk and flirts with other girls, is that the worst that could really happen to a drunk man in a foreign country?

Answer 3

Just take a breath. Talk to him 24/7, you should be able to tell if something is up. You guys sound like a happy couple, so do not worry about it.

Answer 4

man that sounds tough. i would worry too. however, your husband doesn't show any signs of infidelity. but you must trust one thing: if your husband is not a cheater, you can't drive him to cheat. some men use that excuse that they were driven to cheat but cheating was their own choice. just call him more to make you feel comfortable. if he is unfaithful he will give you signs, even over the phone.  

Answer 5

it's not true that your lack of trust could push him towards someone else, if it happened it wouldn't be your fault in the least. You are in a difficult situation and anyone would wonder what their partner was doing in these circumstances, try to be practical, go and do stuff so that you have less time to think, maybe see if you can move to be with him earlier,