Please interpret my nightmare because it's worrying me?

Question

preface

I live in the Sacramento area and racial tensions are high here, if you have never lived in a place where there are lots of racail tensions then it would be impossible for you to really understand what I am talking about. A couple weeks ago I was on the train and I had to stand because the seats were full, I was holding on to the safety bar, but not too far out in the isle. I got a huge blow on my back that sent me forward into the bar and I struggled to stay up. The another blow to my side as the person came from behind me, reactively I tried to push the person away from me, then I realized in was a black man doing this to me. He came all the way around me and yelled at me, saying I was taking up too much of the isle. The train stopped and he got off "it was his stop" a black lady yelled at me from a nearby seat something about me being white- I do look completely white although I'm not. Anyway, she was being racist. That really had an impact on me- I don't think I will ever ride the train again.

My dream:

My boyfriend, Kamal, and I were sleeping in the living room. There were many other people sleeping there as well. I was also in the living room, but not asleep. Then I heard some drunk guy yelling in front of the apartment, "Where's my son! Come here son!" The livingroom window was open, and I became afraid thinking how there was only a screen between everyone in the apartment and this angry/crazy drunk man.

Surreptiously, I came to the window and was getting ready to close it, but the yelling man saw me. He was in his 40's and short and fat(stalky) and he had an automatic rifle (the kind soldiers use in Iraq), he was an African American. He came over to the window and continued to yell for or at his son and began saying that he was going to shoot in the apartment. Then one of the people that was sleeping in the living room got up and went to the door, he looked remarkably like the guy that ran me over on the train- he was even wearing his red cap.

The red capped guy shouted to the man with the gun, "I'm coming out, don't you harm these nice folks who have been taking care of me."

I was scared as he was unlocking the door, because I kept think the man with the rifle would push in the door and kill us all. I told the red capped guy to not go, but he continued unlocking the door.

At this point I woke up

Answer 1

You were assaulted on the train.  You should have filed a police report and had police on the lookout for the man who attacked you. It was a crime that I don't think had much to do with your racial appearance.  I think you just encountered a lunatic.  To make transportation safer for everyone you should have reported that.  As for the idiot woman, ignoring her as you did was best.

The dream is telling you that you do not feel safe "living" (location of living room in the dream) because of your fair skin.  You don't say, but you're probably African American too. The same man who attacked you in reality declared that you were nice in the dream and had taken care of him.  He and his "father" represent your mixed emotions about dealing with your identify and the African American community.  You fear African Americans, believing they are all volatile and ready to harm you or any one else (gun toting father) but you also want credit for not harboring any ill will toward them (the son: "these nice people have been taking care of me.")  

Beside the trauma of the day, there is unresolved guilt or shame here somewhere.  Are you passing for white in some situations? BTW, while on first glance the majority of really fair skinned African American individuals may appear white, most of us can tell if we look long enough.  I don't care how white the skin, fair the eyes or straight the hair.  There is usually a way to know when someone has been raised African American.  

I noticed you said you weren't white, but you did not declare what your identity happens to be. Do you despise or feel you despise African Americans much of the time?  Work out those issues during your waking hours and you'll probably rest easier at night.

Answer 2

are you from the area you live in...i mean born and raised there...how long have you been there...were you sheltered by your parents...are you having or want to have a relationship with a black person...but maybe its against family tradition to do so and you fear breaking your kindreds heart ...maybe in your sub-conscience this how you are dealing with things that you have been raised to identify as taboo ..if this is the case...then your parents did a great job instilling values and bondaries because even thou you can make your own decisions ...they have a great impact on you...and thats good because it keeps you grounded and from making choices that are not pleasing or sometimes not so good for you...men are men no one race has a better assortment than the other...and they all will be unfaithful whether they look good or bad so dont think one will treat you no different from the other..guard your heart

Answer 3

Well, I feel like Cindy and Amazingly Intelligent have unraveled this dream, but I will give you my perspective too.

I would say that everyone sleeping in the living room next to the screen window means that you feel vulnerable that vulnerability was taken advantage of by the homicidal maniac with the soldiers rifle. =there is a crazy force outside of your life- that keeps you up at night figuratively.

so the vulnerability might be feeling attacked because of your race

The fact that you gave safe harbour to someone who had harmed you in your waking life means that you felt this person was indebted to you

I think this dream just means that you feel very vulnerable and like there are some crazy people out there that exploit your vulnerability.

Answer 4

     I never had a racist bone in my body until racism was accused upon me by the color of my skin and sound of my accent.  There is a theory that African Americans can't be racist, however i have witness more racism from African Americans than caucasions. Kinda funny huh? What are we teaching our kids, if your caucasion you should shut up and take it?

Answer 5

Wow! This dream seems to have so many elements in it.  Let's start with the fact that you were trying to protect the very individual that had in reality been so mean to you..This says to me you have now forgiven him and understand that he could've had a really violent father which is why he's screwed up in the way that he is.  Anyhow, now that you've forgiven him, I bet you would be able to ride the train again.  Just try to be as considerate to everyone involved as you can be, and I bet you'll be ok.  When we retreat from what frightens us, the world becomes a more difficult place to negotiate.  I don't know why your boyfriend is in the dream.  Maybe just to make you feel safer.