Please let me know what you think about my poem! Please!!!?

Question

Mississippi

The heat rises with the softness of rain

It’s thick and you feel it enter your lungs

The sun feels like it can see through you

The moon shows the lands that lay ahead

The water is the father of my people

The people that see the beauty in this place

The emeralds that mark this land shine with

The trees of pine that grow tall and stay true

The birds sing and never leave this place

And early morning when the breeze is gentle

You can truly feel the magic of my home

And when you’re lost and you no longer follow any path,

When you don’t have a friend in sight, a stranger will help you here

A stranger will lead you to his house and share all he has

He will give until he can give no longer, until you have all he has

Brotherly love is here alive in her great people… along with her soul

Her soul is so loud but you must try to find it

If you listen closely when you’re in the Delta

The magical flat lands where the soft music plays

On some hot humid night you can capture it

Like a butterfly in a jar you can see it shimmer and glow

That soft glow is my Mississippi, the Mississippi I know.

Answer 1

I liked it!! The first two paragraphs really put the reader into the place you are talking about. I especially like the last two lines ;)

Answer 2

The way i see it, its a rather heavy poem.

It feels to me, like a cake that is 70% baked, so it feels heavy and wet.

You can actually go to this site for a better analysis of your poem

http://www.thepoetsanctuary.net/

Is it the Mississippi river you are talking about or the place?

Too many "The" used in the first para.

It feels more like a Mississippi national song rather than a poem to me.

Imagery is very important and the overall feel that you have to Mississippi is very important. Add more sensitivity to it, and have a feel, to how the environment tingles your skin. That will do good.

Have a certain flow, format, rhymes and rhythm.

I hope my comments are ok and i hope you don't mind what i've said.

Answer 3

I spit on mark twains book after i read this poem.

Good F*cken poem

Answer 4

Hey Great Great Poem.

Answer 5

Wow it leaves me wanting more! Great poem!

Answer 6

Well, I like it. My favorite stanzas were the first and last- the imagery they contained was lovely. I think you've got a great thing going with the metaphoric/symbolic writing. You've done a great job. The stranger/brotherly love part could use a little polishing but it's a very nice poem. I greatly enjoyed it. :)