Please let me know what you think of my poem..thanks?

Question

Sentimental memories always come so easy,

But it's the ones that hurt that leave a mark,

A scar on my chest where I broke my heart,

Never goes away, and then neither does the pain.

I'm sailing a sea full of past tense,

As I clinch my arms I feel my muscle crack,

With a shape of a flower I blossom a smile,

Although it's fake, I'm not in denial.

I'm in love with myself cause there's no one else,

I'm happy to be here, but I wish that I was somewhere else

As clouds appear they slowly fade away,

As the moon comes over this broken down day!

Forgive me my father for I have sinned...

Answer 1

Nicely wraps feelings together, from what might be a jumble of emotions.  something to relate to.

Answer 2

i think its really good. keep up the good work =]

Answer 3

thats a very beautiful poem! its sorta how i feel lol

Answer 4

everything was ok except the forgive me father thing in the end..it didn't really fit..try to find more words that rime i know you don't need to have it in a poem, but its nicer to read that way...but other than that its a nice peace of work.

good luck on your other poems =)

Answer 5

holy c**p, i'm in love with this poem. I can't even pick a favorite line or lines. The whole poem is superb. However, I do really like the strength of the line 'i'm in love with myself 'cause there's no one else.' I think a lot of people can relate to such a statement. Hope to read more of your written work.

Answer 6

....Wow you have a way with words keep writing poems u can be sure that i and lots of others will read them

Answer 7

i think its amazing :) its great!

Answer 8

*yawn*

The last stanza was good, the first two were really average. Keep working at it, do not believe the silly person who suggested you publish this. It is nowhere near Publishable. But if you keep writing and developing your structure and utilise more real emotion from your heart, you will be a good writer in no time.

Answer 9

I will be honest with you. The first verse sounds very clichee. The other two are pretty good, sounds like lyrics for a song. Keep it up!

Answer 10

Trite, self-centered, and inefficient.

D-

Answer 11

beautiful.

Answer 12

this is...

AMAZING!

you have talent!

you should check in a magazine or something if they have any contests!

try to publish it!

I love it!

PLEASE contact me next time you write a poem!

Answer 13

I like everything except the last line, it doesn't really work with the rest of the poem.

Answer 14

I like the "past tense" line. Try to imagine the rest of your imagery within a similar style. Also, pay more attention to the meter of the words. Your rhythm is all over the place. Do this by reading it aloud. You definitely have some raw talent and good ideas. Keep writing!

Answer 15

i love it so good is it for ur father