Please look,,, PLEASE HELP! best answer will be choosen!! =)?

Question

Right this isnt really a question i ask on here but im stuck. I love the yard im on and the people there and my horse. ( i cant move and i wont) ITS PERFECT. Apart from i feel really really REALLY left out at the minute. It was fine when i first came on and everything was fine. Im naturally shy but i got a lot of comments with my riding ability so soon perked up and started to chat with the other girls on the yard. Meanwhilst my friend was looking for a loan/lease horse like me, i found her "the perfect one for her", she was greatfull to me for ages and hung round with me at yard a lot. I was happy. Then she really took to another girl on the yard, im fine with that and just hung round with everyone again. But it got worse, she made more friends. And she got better friends with them than me. And sometimes when we were stuck for time she'd make up excuses not to ride with me, time was too tight etc, she likes riding later, she wanted to ride at a specific time,

Answer 1

I agree with JJH. I have been left out tons of times (I'm 15) and I still try to make friends. I have a few friends at my barn and I talk to them. Try to talk to them and maybe theyll start listening.

Answer 2

you will overcome this with time.. if it really bugs you talk to your friend in private and say something like "i feel like we haven't been spending enough time together..."

go out of your comfort zone and make an effort to make some new friends-- it'd be good if a few were her friends so you can be included in the group and if you had a few other friends that you could ride with when she's busy.

don't let her bully you, if you ask to ride and she's not available and then later she wants you to go ride and you don't want to just say you don't want to and that she could have gone eariler....

Answer 3

Usually what goes around comes around.  Hang in there and be patient.....these dynamics are constantly changing, and this is a temporary situation.

Answer 4

To start, being on the shy side really sucks! I would say that's were most of your troubles come from, that and it sounds like your introverted (not out-going, not comfortable around large crowds, etc...). It's very hard to get good friends and having more than one is nearly impossible. Just be yourself and don't worry. Be willing to meet anyone half way and let them take it from there. You can't make people be your friend. And your best friend there is probably the one your leasing anyway. I'm sorry your having this kind of problem. I know just how you feel. I think It will help you in life, if your happy with your own company and don't count to much on others too make you happy.

Hope this made sense and was helpful.

Answer 5

well you sound like a teenage girl, and i gotta tell you they can be real B****** being one myself... but dont worry you will make new ones! forget her!

Answer 6

well, i know what it's like, for different reasons then you've said. instead of the smallest rider i was the largest and the most shy (still shy to this day). . . i'd be walking by the tack room and hear the other's making jokes about my riding/size/whatever they could. it did bother me.  

so what did i do?

1. smiled as much as i could even if i felt like crying.

2. laughed and made jokes with em. . . most the time if i dont laugh i'll cry. LOL it does make you feel better.

3. know she isnt a true friend if she does that to you, and you should seek out other people who will respect your time and you as a person.

4. i'm used to being a loner anyway, so it did bother me after a while b/c i loved just spending time with me and my horse. (he took care of me and always cheered me up)

5. always look out for yourself and horse, everyone else can take care of 'emselves.

good luck, and your not alone in feeling alone, alot of people feel that way

Answer 7

No, no, no - you're a kid - this is part of learning about life.  Moving the horse or to  a different yard is not the answer.

You must learn how to interact with people and you must learn how to satisfy yourself first.

First and foremost - your friends shouldn't be the ones you rely on to make you happy or feel successful - and often that's what young people look to friends for - upholding their success.  So here's waht I suggest you do:

1.  Concentrate a little bit on you and your horse - what have you learned, what do you want to learn, what goals have you set and what ones have you met.  When you're young, if you can get into the habit of setting goals, you'll be better off in life later on.  Try to set yourself up and learn how to set goals and achieve them and from that you will gain satisfaction in yourself and your abilities - you'll learn to make your own success and depend on yourself first.

2.  None of us likes to do things without friends.  And true friends are not the ones with the coolest jeans or the best horse or any materials things that kids often see as measures of a cool person.  A true friend is one who can talk to you and doesn't get mad at you for what you say or what you do - they understand who you are and help you become better - they listen and understand.  

It's hard to say why the other gals pal around without you since we don't know much about you personally and don't get to interact with you other than here - also we don't know the age difference between you and them.

If the age difference is large, it's probably got more to do with the older girls wanting to be with other girls their age and talk about things other girls their age talk about.  Believe it or not, each year's difference in age does cause a difference in what interests you - you'll look back when you're their age on a person who's your age now and think things about them - and I hope you'll remember how you felt at this time.

Being respectful, not boastful, not nasty or mean, not doing or saying things geared to show "I'm as smart as you" or "I'm better than you" is what a young girl like yourself should be focused on.

If you act all the time as if you were the friend you want to have, you'll naturally gain friends.  

Also, if all the people at that yard are older girls who only care about being cool, why do you want their friendship anyways?

Let me tell you - I grew up pretty much alone.  I had a cousin my age that I hung around with until she moved to KY when we were 12.  Then I found another friend, then she moved away, then another friend.  I never was one to have lots and lots of friends - and that was OK because I now find myself with only a couple really good friends that are true friends who understand me and support me - we support each other and we don't judge each other for what the other thinks or does.  Friends like this are worth 10 "friends" you hang around with to be cool.

Surround yourself with people who are like what you want to be - respectful, honest, friendly.  And never ever tell them things in such a way as to be negative or hurt their feelings - even if they ask.  Learn to tell them things they ask in a positive, supportive way without showing them you think they are wrong or bad.  I don't like the way my best friend treats her dogs like they are people - they aren't people, they're dogs.  But what would I gain if I told her this?  Nothing, I'd only hurt her feelings and I would gain nothing but a friend who doesn't like me to tell her things she won't like.  I accept her as she is and understand why she does what she does.  The way she treats her dogs has no affect on me.  This is an example.

I hope this helps - remember, you're never alone if you have your horse with you.  A horse will always come back to you whether you yell at it or hit it - tomorrow, when you arrive it will want you to pet it and be it's friend - so you are never alone with your horse.  Allow your horse to be your friend and treat it very well.  It won't tell you bad things about yourself or judge you - it'll just be there to listen while you sort your mind out.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Hello Jade,

Well, here is my input!

#1- odds of you staying "life long" friends with her is SLIM to NONE!

#2- DON'T put up with that c**p!

#3- LIFE is TOO short for you to be treated BADLY by the people YOU choose to keep company with!

#4- Don't feel trapped at this barn, I am certain there must be other stables close to you?  CHANGE barns, you don't have to stay there!

#5- Don't let these MEAN girls bring you down and keep you from having a good time riding!  THEY are a bunch of ninnies and you don't need them!

#6- TRY doing something TOTALLY different that the other girls Don't do; barrel racing, cutting, etc...  just find some other event you can learn and do without having to be around them.  This would give you a chance to meet a different group and learn something new.

WHY let her and the others treat you this way! I think you should find a new barn and some one else to ride with!

SORRY to be harsh and I am certain many people won't agree but I am 42, mom of 4, and been with my cowboy for 25 years now and have some sort of knowledge about this stuff.... My girls have been through stuff like this and it will pass, but, you have a chose here!

YOU grow out of 99% of your friends as a kid when you are all grown up! DUMP her and find someone else who is NICE!  

YOU deserve the best!

EDIT****  got your note about having Dancer on loan there, sorry I overlooked that I just got so worked up!  I can NOT stand it when little girls get so MEAN and catty!  IT is a bunch of c**p!  My girls had lots of MEAN girl c**p when my two oldest now 17 & 15 were in elementary school.  It isn't too much fun!  And I am pretty upfront and put a stop to that right away!  

Is your riding stable english, western, jumping, showing, etc???  Do you take lessons?  What do they teach you?  Is it private or group lessons?  When you ride with the girls is it in the arena or on trail?  I was just wondering if you had many options to ride in other events, etc?

It is TOO bad you aren't around here, we would let you ride on our ranch!  These older girls should be mentors to you and not such idiots!

Answer 9

Love your enemies; it'll annoy the c**p outa them!

Answer 10

hey, it happens to all of us, how old are you now, ? it'l pass and you'l find a better friend. Just concentrate on horses

Answer 11

dont not pay attention in lessons and dont ignore your friends. try to balance both. be nice to everyone, even if they're mean to you and soon you'd be attracting friends. if you dont then dont worry about it. it will all go away when you grow up

Answer 12

well, you could always go and ***** about her to the yardowner and get her thrown off... but if you dont want to do that, perhaps talk to her. i know its very hard and you wont know how the h**l to go about it, but its worth a try and it doesnt sound like your very happy there. Are there any friends you could meet up with from different yards? could you go to another yard for the day and spend it with better people? This sounds like somewhere i used to go but it was worse! i got bitched about and thrown off in the end due to hearsay!!!