Please look at these VERY different answers these 2 Q's got, why is it so different?

Question

Why is 1 woman bashed while someone placing a newborn has the support of many.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Au71kzfraciOEe.wDI0qYugjzKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20080105122310AAdlhgF

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AnZ6UNm15FXty2RZWkjzAdPsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080110194355AAy3FIk

Should the woman who placed after attempting to parent be told these things while the one thinking of placing a newborn gets all support to place?

Answer 1

The special needs one they are not seeing the whole picture the time involved (which she may not able to give) the cost (probably is in no position to afford) and many other things we can only imagine. She knows she is not capable of providing that kind of care. The other is a newborn who's mother is putting it up for adoption because she knows she can't provide and care for it properly. Really no difference. The only difference is the age of the child. In both cases it is because neither of the mothers are in a position to, or don't feel that they can provide the proper care for their child. The difference in the answers is that people can't see that.

Answer 2

I'm not going to applaud a woman for making an attempt to parent when she chose to have s*x, chose not to have an abortion, and chose to give birth. Then on top of that, she apparently chose to parent this child for several years (probably in a poor manner if she wants to give him up now), and all of a sudden she wants to give him up. No applause here.

She's doing what she's supposed to do! Parent the child she gave birth to! Why in our society do we applaud people for doing what they are supposed to do? You applaud people for going above and beyond. You applaud people who choose to lovingly and patiently parent a child who has special needs.

Do you applaud a druggie who tried to parent but gives a child up for adoption? No. Why, because they chose drugs over a child. This woman is essentially choosing the same thing, except her drug of choice is a more selfish lifestyle.

I don't applaud a woman who gives her infant up for adoption. It's a sad situation which needs no applause.

I just don't think applause should ever be used to describe anyone who "tries" to parent but fails to due to their own selfishness.

Edit: No, Sarah does not get it and frankly I'm insulted that that is what you think we are getting at. I'm not secretly wanting more women to place infants up for adoption. I'm not "applauding" this lady because I find her actions deplorable. I could never give up my child no matter how bad off he was. It's just not natural! It takes a special kind of person to be able to do that.

Also, it seems as if your version of getting it is flat out agreeing with you. I don't get that. We're not stupid we understand your question. We just don't agree with you.

Edit: "I could never give up my child no matter how bad off he was. It's just not natural! It takes a special kind of person to be able to do that."  - I'm talking about people who raise a child for several years and then give them up because they aren't fitting into their lifestyle. This has NOTHING to do with my son's natural mother. Everybody's situation is unique. Two completely different situations. It seems you're not "getting it".

Answer 3

They have diffrerent answers because the situations are different.Both women should be complimented because they have not abandoned their children.

Answer 4

All I have to say to this is that "some" people need to look back a few decades.

When my great aunt and uncle had their second child it was the mid 50's. Ronnie was born with numerous mental and physical disabilities and they were pushed towards putting him in an institution. They chose not to. He was in their home until the age of 8 when his care became too much.

Now is someone here really saying that my family made the wrong choice? That their choice to place him somewhere that could better accommodate his needs was wrong? What is deemed right by society changes with time. In the 50's you put  these kids in institutions, today they are placed in other homes. I think adoption is far better than an institution. A family is far better than a hospital bed, Dr. and nurse.

Is that not exactly what this mother in question did? She chose to place her child somewhere that was more equipped to give the child the care and time needed!

Now my question would be... Is it better to institutionalize people than to place them in adoptive homes?

Answer 5

Interesting (taking notes)  thanks for pointing that out I think it shows a clear bias and that adoption is still entrenched in societal stigma and shame

I think Sarah314 hits the nail on the head

Answer 6

In the case of the woman with the special needs child, she is choosing to reunite with one child and not with the other.  One cannot help but consider the further wound this might cause the special needs child...Not only has this child felt the wounds of his/her disability, and the abondonment of his/her birth mother but also the betrayal of not having been chosen over the other child. It is a horryfying thought to have to choose between your own children...I think people are reacting emotionally to this issue.

Answer 7

'I don't know the answer--I just know we all live our lives to the best of our ability--I praise both mom's on realizing they can't give the time or support to the kids.  We don't know the whole situation with the mom with two--she is not throwing him out--she just realizes God gave her more than she can handle--and that child needs more than she can provide so she is trying to make a better life for him--people are so cynical--never put themselves in someone else's place.   We don't know her situation.  She may still want to be apart of his life--just not the constant caregiver-not that she doesn't want to do that maybe she can't--financially.  Next if she's on welfare to take care of her kid's and taking care of him all the time she will be put down for not working and living off the system???

OKay Cowboy--easy for you to say--she never mentioned having help from the dad--always the woman whom is the one responsible--right???

Answer 8

There is very different answers because they are very different questions. In the first the woman clearly states that she can't handle her disabled child and doesn't want him but wants her "normal" child. In the second a woman is giving up her child as an infant but not because the child is handicapped.

Answer 9

Do you think that people are more encouraging of moms who might be placing newborns up for adoption, because its so much more difficult to adopt a newborn here?  In contrast, there's no shortage of older children and special needs children who need homes.

(I'm not saying people do this intentionally, but I'm sure that subconsciously some posters might have that sort of bias...wanting pregnant women to relinquish at birth so that an adoptive mom can get a newborn.)

Answer 10

Hmmm, very good point.  Seems the shoe is on the other foot this time.  

What happened to "if a mother can't care for her child, it's the Loving and Brave thing to give her baby to someone who can"?   I guess that only applies if the child is actually WANTED by other people...meaning it's healthy and a brand-spanking newborn.

I mean, where's all the people jumping up and down saying they want to adopt this woman's special needs child like they do when a pregnant woman is asking about placing her child for adoption, hmmm?

HYPOCRITES!!!!!

Answer 11

Because the one woman was choosing between a special needs child and a normal child.

Answer 12

I think the difference is that one is choosing to give up her son because he has special needs, while the other is giving up her baby  because she is not prepared to be a parent.  I personally think that if a parent is unable to care for their child, the right thing to do is to give them up for adoption regardless of the reason why, however, I can also see why people respond negatively to the direct willingness to raise a "normal" child and not the one with special needs.