Please people tell me, is there hope?

Question

I have been in a 2 in a half year relationship with someone I want to spend the rest of my life with...I didn't think our relationship would turn out to be this way....

How do I start.... last year in spring, we ended up kicked out from a roommate because I'm guessing she just didn't want us there anymore. We had nowhere else to go, and had to end up living in the car almost throughout the entire summer. I told him that I would be there for him no matter what we go through. If I was really that shallow and materialistic I would want to be with someone that has money, or things I want. But I don't.

Now, we have a place of our own, and we've lived there for a year. I have tried to hold on to the jobs I had, the first one didn't work out over "retaliation", the second I had to leave because now, I am 5 months pregnant, and they kept giving me a hard time over me having to try and maintain morning sickness when its not possible especially being surrounded by food.

Now I'm not working, and my boyfriend has a problem with it. I try to have a job, but I'm not having the best of luck, because it's too late for me to work. I won't qualify for maternity leave, and I'll lose my job. At first having this baby would be the greatest thing, but now I'm not too sure. I had an abortion before for a bad reason, and that was to save my relationship, but that didn't work.

Now I'm depressed, stressed, pregnant. and suffering through some pain. All I can think about is how I may become a "baby's mama"... He has been complaining a lot about how he pays for everything, and I try to do what I can. (receiving money from my family for financial assistance). But it's not enough. I do house work (cook, clean, do laundry, and run errands for him). But it's not enough. Our Apt we pay 595 a month, two utility bills, and he gets paid 1600 a month.

Of course whatever else he has to pay for is his business, I just choose to get involved. He doesn't show me love anymore, doesn't give me any physical or mental attention, and he told me that he doesn't want to marry, after a year ago proposing to me. He insults me on my pregnancy, doesn't show me any respect, and always tries to leave the house on the weekend to see his friends and not make time for me.

Now he's been having conversations with me about the "would if it doesn't work out" ugh. I never thought about that. I'm always optimistic, I always think of the bright side of things. He has been talking to me about separation... It frightens me. He already has a baby's mama, and owes a lot on child support, and credit debt. I have nothing to do with that. But because I'm not working to him I'm useless and a waste of time.....

How should I really feel about someone I love so much, change and decide to become this person. because in the past He was never like this. He has done wrong to me before and I forgave him for it. But because of MONEY, it's causing our relationship to turn into this....

Answer 1

Doesn't sound like Money is the problem at all. You said yourself you guys lived in a car before.

Probably he is getting freaked out about the baby and all the responsibility that comes with it.

I say get out of the House and live with your family if you can.

That time apart can do wonders. Eitherway he's going to have to pay you child support. But maybe you guys need that time apart.

I have a feeling you will find eachother again...just give it time.  

Answer 2

I'm sorry, but there is NO hope in this. He was just using you for s*x and doesn't love you anymore. You need to leave him and go to your friends and family. All he keeps doing is making you more and more unhappy. If you keep staying with him, you'll be so depressed to the point that you want to kill yourself. Find a right guy that will love and respect you! But I think you need to see a therapist for all of this. It's making you an emotional wreck.  

Answer 3

Well first of all if you are pregnant you can't do anything about it, how can you get a job and make money like this?

No, the right husband would earn the money and take care of you and be happy about it.

cant any of your parents help you out with the financial problem?

Answer 4

Sweety, it's not your money that has caused your relationship to turn into this...it's him...and YOU.  You stated that there were problems with him before the money...things you had to forgive him for...so this is really a case of you not seeing the train reck coming...you are a repeat of the last baby mama...you say you didn't want to become  baby mama, but you hooked up with a baby daddy...if u were having s*x (and unprotected s*x at that) u were destined to become a baby mama.  It's sad to say, but it sounds like he has found someone else and I know that may be hard for you but the best thing for you and your baby is to face reality.  Take that money that you have been getting from family and others and start getting your life together because it seems like he will be leaving soon...I don't mean to be so straight forward, but the quicker you decided to get yourself together, the less time u have to spend being in a mess!  I totally commend you for keeping your baby!!!  I suggest that u find a pregnancy center that helps mothers...they provide diapers, food, clothing, cribs, car seats...look in the yellow pages and find one...and sign up for WIC (women infants and children) and government assistance if needed.  Do what u can to make sure your child will have a stable life.  You can make it!!  Even if it means without him...if he doesn't want to be in you and your baby's life, then you've go to move on...with confidence.  I tried to get a job when I was pregnant so I understand your frustration.  Try going into the interviews and holding your stomach in or wearing clothes that don't reveal your pregancy...at 5 months u shouldn't be too big.  The important thing is getting your foot in the door.  Once you're hired, they can't fire you for being pregnant...so do your best to maintain the best work ethic...it's a cold world, but you can make it if you are determined...do what you have to do for u and your baby to be okay.  I pray that all ends up well!