I don't know what to do. I always do this. I am diet obsessed and whenever I feel like I ate too much food (even if it's healthy) or whenever I feel like I ate something that doesn't fit into my diet (again...even if it's healthy) I have to start completely over on a different day. And when I mean start completely over, I mean start completely over. I feel like I need to get a fresh start on my life. I re-organize my room and my closet, I get rid of all my make up and buy all new make up, I get rid of my shampoo and conditioner etc., and buy everything new. And I have to wash my sheets and my comforter the night before I start my new eating plan. The biggest part of this "mental cleansing" is that I have to scrub my teeth and brush them a million times with different toothpastes and I have to floss them a million times and swish a million times to get rid of what I did to myself. It's like I have to un-contaminate myself from eating badly in order to be able to start again. I can't go on with my life unless I can purify myself first. I'm filled with so much anxiety all the time. I always plan the day I'm going to start over. For example, I messed up today and I'm going to start over on September 5. That day seems SO far away but I won't have enough money to buy all new products until then. So for the next week I'm going to be dying to start over again. I'm so miserable and I want to cry for doing this to myself.
I spend soooo much money buying all new products for when I "start over." I also have to buy a new toothbrush, new dental floss, new toothpaste, new EVERYTHING. New lotion, new lip balm, new make up remover. I literally mean new EVERYTHING. And I cry whenever I throw away all of the wasted products that my mom buys me that I don't even use for more than like a week before I start over again. It's so sad. I don't want her to know that I do this, so that's why I tend to spend a lot of my own money on the stuff. One of the worst parts is the teeth cleaning though. I feel like I have to clean my mouth to un-do the stuff that I put in it.
HELP ME I'm so anxious and nervous and I need somebody to tell me that it IS possible to start a diet without doing what I do beforehand. I just need someone to tell me that what I do is crazy and unnecessary.
Does anyone know if there's a name for what I have? I know I have OCD but I would really like to find someone who has this same problem. It's ripping my life apart. I can't ever focus on anything when I'm thinking about this--which is ALL the time.
I hate my life!!!!! Please help!!!!!!!!! I'm only 17 and this is only going to get worse :(
P.S. I'm not over weight, I'm just really obsessed with eating healthily and being thin and dieting.
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