Please provide insight, ideas, comments on visitation for a 6 months old. Father moved over 500 miles away.?

Question

Child is only 6 months old and to date father had not attempted to create a relationship and bond. He moved out when baby was 2 weeks old and left us for his best friends fiance and now lives with her in NC. He began cheating with her when I was 9 months pregnant and has made very few attempts to see his son. He's probably never seems him more than 2 hours at a time. We have a mediation scheduled for the 15th to discuss custody and visitation. Father wants child in NC (over 500 miles away) for at least 1 week every month. I am having a VERY hard time coming up with a solution that I feel comfortable with. I understand it's important for child to see father but father moved and has made no attempt....as of right now, it would be like dropping baby off with a stranger. Baby is still breastfeeding too. Anyone out there have a similar situation? Some thoughts that I have already is 1. After __ months or years of frequent, meaningful contact, I will consider over night visits, like 1 weekend per month where we meet in the middle to pick up/drop off 2. I feel like baby should be able to vocalize their feelings 3. HELP!

I really feel like, a routine and consistency is everything to a baby at this point and it would have emotional effects on him just being up rooted every month.

Any idea would be great!

Answer 1

His request is insane and no judge that has the child interest in mind would order that, you are going to mediation - flat out say no!  He moved to NC, if he wants to see your son he needs to make the trip to were you are until your son is old enough to spend longer spans of time with him.  Request supervised visits at first because your son has no idea who he is.  

If you cant come to an agreement in mediation, a court date is set.  If it comes to that, get yourself a lawyer.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

He is 6 months old and BREAST-FEEDING...He left you and moved 500 miles away (his choice) so he can just make the trip back for 1 week a month if he wants to see him...there is no court that would allow the type of visitation he wants at this age...later when the baby is older things will have to be modified, but for now he is S.O.L

Answer 3

I think you are 100% right! I would NEVER be giving my baby to someone who can't even take time out to visit him, especially when that some one lives so far away. Not a chance! I understand that he is the parent to but HE chose to leave, so you and your child shouldn't have to suffer!! and with the mediation and his track record they are not going to even suggest you agree with him so DON'T!!!

1. After __ months or years of frequent, meaningful contact, I will consider over night visits, like 1 weekend per month where we meet in the middle to pick up/drop off 2. I feel like baby should be able to vocalize their feelings

this tight here is perfect!!! stick to your guns!

Answer 4

That's crazy, a new baby should no way be being shipped across the state monthly like cargo. I don't think the courts would agree with this suggestion either as there is no responsible party to carry it out. Suggest that he might like to come and stay in your city each month to see his son and see what he says to that. I am thinking he will let the issue go rather quickly at least until the child grow's a few years.  

Answer 5

Yeah, the judge isn't going to go for what he wants when the child is so young.

My son's father was fighting for overnight visits too.  Judge said no.  We ended up with a graduated visitation schedule starting at my home for a few months and then slowly getting my son to his home and slowly getting overnights.  The way it's written, he wouldn't be spending the night until after 7 months of regular visits according to the schedule.

He hasn't seen his son since May 15th because he didn't get his way.

Sad.

And, unfortunately, breastfeeding isn't a real good excuse, depending on the judge you have.  Some judges will tell you to pump.  It's so unfair, but unfortunately, it's true.

Answer 6

No ways!!! You must be crazy, stand your ground, if not for you then for your little darling. There is no ways a court will grant him that.

He moved

He left you

He has not made an attempt

Now You have to give into this madness??!!\

Just think of how confused that poor child will be??!!

No ways!! I would not stand for this Cr*p!!

If he is serious about wanting to see the baby then he can move closer & have day visits, not even over night visits.

He will only be hurting your child

Good luck.. this must be really hard for you.

Just don't give in!

Answer 7

u are not required to do that

Answer 8

You are "MOM", always follow your instincts, only you know what's best for your child. Good luck.

Answer 9

I don't know what he's thinking but the child is to young to go through that, the child needs you the most at this time. No judge would permite you to send your child so far for a man who decided to leave. if he wants to se the child he needs to take his time to go and see the child. but believe me when i say this you too can live fine without him there, I'm not say don't tell you child about the father and who he is but don't stress yourself for this it's up to him to see the child now. God Bless You.

Answer 10

You have no real issue; there's no way a judge would grant visitation based on the current circumstances. Stand your ground, and make sure that if he wants to visit, the "father" has to make the trip.

Make sure you mark when he calls/visits on a calendar. If you ever get to the point where over a year has passed without a call or visit, get a lawyer and file to terminate his parental rights immediately.

Then you can decide if he gets to visit, where the visitation takes place, what they do, or anything else you like; from that point on he has no further input on the upbringing of your child.

Answer 11

Say no way!  You have a say.  If there is one thing that I learned after my divorce, and dealing with lawyers.... Don't just settle to get it over with!  Always relay your feelings and wants, don't be afraid.  It sounds like the ball is in your court anyway.  Don't give in.  This is a baby!!  Not one of his friends visiting for a week at a time.....I don't think any judge will allow your baby to go that far for a week at a time.  Get a lawyer if you are worried.  No amount of money should stop you from doing what you think is right for your child.  Good Luck!!  Just tell him no way!!  He can come and visit and more than likely he won't do that for long or as consistent as you think.  Keep records of everytime the father calls to check on the child and visits.  All of that will be good info to have for later custody battles.

Answer 12

Your meeting  in the middle idea seems MORE than fair.  He chose to ABANDON his child and should have LESS rights as far as visitation is involved, HE also chose to MOVE so far away.  Babies are NOT property and do NOT have to be divided equally. THAT man made his choices and should have to PROVE that he is TRUSTWORTHY before EVER keeping a child (especially one so young) for a NIGHT let aloe a WEEK..  You might also let the law guardian KNOW that the dad is not to be trusted as a role model for the child as the child gets older due to his low moral standards.....  grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr .

Heads UP, THIS type of man would STEAL his child and take him OVER the state line  to get even with you . Supervised visits are a must.

Answer 13

he cant be trusted a man who leaves a woman during pregnancy is lower than low - do not allow your baby to go to him - if he wants to see your baby let him come to your door and see how serious and committed he is then.  he sounds an idiot and although dads are important - no dad is better than a rubbish one that lets you down

you sound like  your doing a fantastic job - well done - stay strong and trust your instincts re your decisions about your baby - i have been in that position also