Please rate my poem?

Question

Criticism and comments are welcome. I can take any abuse.

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Psychotic

Sociopathic

Narcissistic

Masochistic

Sadistic

Pessimistic

I am all this and more

I’m nothing

She’s everything

I hate everyone

Blood on the classroom floor

Media man lives no more

Our enemy is fallen

But the war is not forgotten

Her happiness is the only thing I want, need and feel

My pain is her every meal

My pain, it never ends

Because on my pain she depends

Answer 1

Hey......Yer a pretty good critic there Bec.....right on that one.

Answer 2

It's very depressing. Some advice: dump her and find a girlfriend who doesn't need you to get hurt just so she can be happy.

Answer 3

great but it just feel sad when read.

Answer 4

I find the subject matter of this piece was delivered rather awkwardly at some spots in particular the last stanza. There seems to be forced rhyming going on there. The 2nd stanza, however, is brilliant. I love it. It's exactly as poetry should be. Subtle, honest and compressed. The first stanza was a mixed bag for me. I found the lines of adjectives rather repetitive and lacking in any interesting poetic devices. The last few lines are a little immature and unoriginal but there is also a raw emotion in them that is essential to brilliant poetry. I would suggest just having:

all this and more

We're nothing and everything.

that would be far more powerful. I especially dislike the last line o the first stanza. It sounds far too immature and full of repetitive teen angst.

Overall though, this has enormous potential and I would love to see a re-write or something new.

Answer 5

i find this very good but i think it is very  depressing i hope this poem isn't about you

Answer 6

It's so friggin sad and dark, but you can write poetry.