Question:

Please rate my poem. thank you.

by  |  earlier

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A cup capsizes along the formica,

slithering with a dull clatter.

A few heads turn in the crowded evening snack-bar.

An old man is trying to get to his feet

from the low round stool fixed to the floor.

Slowly he levers himself up, his hands have no power.

He is up as far as he can get. The dismal hump

looming over him forces his head down.

He stands in his stained beltless garberdine

like a monstrous animal caught in a tent

in some story. He sways slightly,

the face not seen, bent down

in shadow under his cap.

Even on his feet he is staring at the floor

or would be, if he could see.

I notice now his stick, once painted white

but scuffed and muddy, hanging from his right arm.

Long blind, hunchback born, half paralysed

he stands

fumbling with the stick

and speaks:

‘I want –to go to the-toilet.’

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5 ANSWERS


  1. Wow!...This is deep...It has great imagiry...amazing!! I write poems too, but differently. I love peoples talent and their amazing imagination...love it!! Keep it up...go get this published.


  2. All these stupid suck ups

    your poem sucks its not ultra modern

    It sounds like something written to amuse

    four year old

  3. hahahaha come on dude.

  4. Hi Edwin Morgan!

    http://www.ltscotland.org.uk/literacy/fi...

    ^_-  Plagiarism is fun! ^_^;

  5. Ultra-modern. There's a pervading sense of darkness in the poem, but I can't pinpoint it exactly. Generally a good poem. It's very, very, literal (but then that might be what you were going for). I would add more metaphor somehow if that makes sense. Don't get me wrong, however, it's a good poem. Very strong imagery.  

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