Please rate this 1-10 (preferably someone who understands poerty)?

Question

dont be mean

constructive critism is welcomed. thank you

Oh, delicate petty humming bird

Seeking a flower of beauty

Hovering frantically in a field

Of useless weeds.

Rapidly flapping her wings

Anxious but hopeful

To find a blossomed flower

Filled with nectar she desires.

Oh, delicate petty hummingbird

Your cryptic coloration

Displays a happiness

That secretly you yearn for

Your strong motley wings

Begin to increase in speed

Searching for scarlet bee balm

But disappointed to find nothing but weeds

Countless hours spent

But not a flower to be found

A hum let out

What a sorrowful sound

Not a melody of bliss

But a song of faith

Knowing she’ll find her felicity

And make peace with herself

But oh, what a shame

Her flower never discovered

And every hour she hovered

Caused her pain.

Answer 1

8.5 I think it is splinded and the powerful words connected like bbq sauce on stack, but I belive you can do better then that. Go a little more deeper and express your thoughts with more knowledge of words. "BUT OH" can be removed and put something like "oh such painful shame." other then that you have talent. :)

Answer 2

How does this sound for a second stanza? An example of the changes you need to consider making throughout the symmetry and cadence of the poem:

Furiously, she flaps with (anxious) (troubled) wings,

panting breathless, for the blossomed flower.

' Where! where! my sweet nectar? The kind I so desire! '

A poem can go in so many different directions, depending on the author, and of course the message being conveyed . I feel that this humming bird needs to come alive with a little desperate self expression in quotes. It will give the reader a better sense of the creature's pain. Her lover, dream, longing, was never realized... too sad.   (5)

Addition: One other thing to consider about any critical analysis applied to a literary work; most serious critics would consider a "10" to be on the order of Longfellow's "Hiawatha," or the classics of Dickenson and Keats. Even their poems did not score that high when they were first published. Any art is like vintage wine, or the quality wood of a violin. It ages and mellows with time. Another thing about the creative arts, they can be illusive to the critic - like your hummingbird's desired goal. A literary piece that everyone pans today, may hit the top ten in years to come. Excellent contemporary creations might score a seven or eight, in my opinion, but it is the classics that become the "nines" and "tens" of any art.

Answer 3

7. It's a little too repetetive, and I think you could have dug deeper into the theme, wich was quite original.

Answer 4

my favorite part is where you use alliteration- 'cryptic coloration'

i also like the parts where you use 'oh' to tie the poem together

you may want to go over your grammar and change some words to make the imagery more real.

some parts are choppy. try changing the words around or using a thesaurus for a better fit.

i got confused with he last 2 stanzas. i know its trying to connect with something deeper but i cannot think of any possibilities.

in all its an ok poem. you could def make it better if you keep working on it though! right now id give it a 6

Answer 5

But disappointed to find nothing but weeds -

But find nothing but weeds

But not a flower to be found - can drop the but in this sentence

the beginning starts out EXTREMELY strong. the end is something i'm used to, a kind of meh ending. the last three stanzas can probably be reinforced, but the rest of the poem looks perfect as far as I can see.