Please read, I'm pretty new to poetry! ?

Question

I'm still pretty new to writing poems. Some friendly advice is welcome and opinions of course (polite ones please)

Thank you!!!!

Pretending you never happened

The constant lies are too much

Pretending the connection was never there

Memories all I have to clutch

Pretending that your words don't kill me

You know things shouldn't be this way

Pretending that I didn't just catch you staring

I wish you could hear silent pleas

Pretending that you never wanted me

Are we both ashamed? Or perhaps afraid

Pretending that the dance was never done

Why can't you just fade?

I fall to pieces

You hold back

Love decreases

My world becomes black

I am in love with you.

You said you love me

That was your cue

So why can't we agree?

No more lies

Take my hand

Look at me in the eyes

Help me understand

Answer 1

it's sad but very good

Answer 2

try to let go on such a strict rhyme scheme... relax and dont worry about making it sound good at first. But it is very good you have a lot of potential... go to my profile and questions and read some of my poetry i have been writing for a while!!! please comment! :D Thanks great job!

Answer 3

Pretty good for a beginner. The rhythm seems a little off, but the more poetry you read and write, the quicker it'll come to you.

Answer 4

That was a really good poem. You can't tell you're a beginner. i t just really opens you're eyes t  it almost wanted to make me cry ( of course i'm really sensitive) I loved your poem.

Answer 5

I don't mean to be cruel but when you ask me to spend my time, I have to be honest. If you can't handle it, stop reading now.

Once every other line starts with the same word, I stop reading. Robert Frost couldn't make soup out of that stock.

Answer 6

i think it was nice try not to used the same word a lot please help me now http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?...

Answer 7

it is an excellent poem, by reading it we are easily able to understand your feelings.  your wording is clear and concise and provides a dramatic visualization of your situation.  and by the way if he is playing coy perhaps you should find someone that is at least open enough with their feelings to be honest with you about them.

Answer 8

The last three paragraphs were awesome i like the short lines that like collide with each other it's great you should keep writing!!

Answer 9

Lovely poem.

Seriously, you can't tell you're a beginner.

Looks like you've been writing poetry all your life. :]

Im a poet [kind of] myself, and Im not that good.

You beat me. Oh darn!

Lol, :]