Please read! I'm sad and afraid my mom is not going to be okay!?

Question

I'm not trying to make this into a sob story or anything, I just really need some advice/ encouragement.

This semester I was supposed to start my second year of college. About a month before this my mother had a break down and was admitted into the psych ward. When she eventually came home she was sobbing and told me that my father raped her when they first got married. That was 18 years ago and she said she hadnt said anything until now because she wanted me to have a father. When I tried to go to school I couldnt concentrate at all and I started crying and felt like I was going to throw up. This happened every time i tried to go. Im not trying to be a baby about things but I could not concentrate in school. I dropped out for the semester to try and get myself together.

These past couple months have been so hard, Ive been trying to comfort my mother and keep my family together. Do you think I am just stressed out? I feel like I have no one to talk to, and I have lost my love for art. What can I do to get myself back? And do you think I should have tried harder about school, even though I did all I could?

Answer 1

Now, I've never gone through this but i can tell you this :

It's not easy carrying a burden. It's worse when your carrying a few of your own plus someone elses.

I know what it feel like to need someone to rely on.

Mayybe your feeling are all cavng in on you..Time off would be good for you. But don't cut off completely. School could be a stepping point for you.

Everytime i am stuck in a situation where i don't know what to do...and i feel alone, and sad...i just think about my future...(strange?)

I think about how i would like my family to be and how much harder i am going to try to make my life better.

If you work on yourself then you will help your mother by showing her that she's got a brave daughter. Let her be proud of you and always be there for her. But don't forget about your needs.

It's important that you have someone who will be there for You.

I know this may be a little hard to understand.

Make a few changes in your life. You'll soon see a difference.

x

Answer 2

Talk to your mom let evrything you feel out or too both ur parents I understand you it must be really hard I think I would kill my dad if I found out he did anything to my mom or anyone talk it out with them get evrything strighten out tell them what your feeling thats the only thing that will help you out  

Answer 3

Your mom is going to be okay.  She was okay for 18 years.  It is really unfair for her to dump this on you.  I know it is hard because you love your mother so much, but you have got to focus on you and your future.  You can be there for your mom, but not to the extent that it causes your life to be worse.  Honestly, she is probably having a midlife crisis and the 'rape' has little if anything to do with it.  For example, I got married in Feb.  I had been out of my mothers house for over 5 years with a child of my own.  Right after I got married my mother practically had a nervous break down and basically equated it all with me getting married.  I felt bad because I never want to see my mom hurt.  I gave her all the info she needed so that she could use the resources that were available to her and I listened to it for about it week.  Then, I asked her how long she was going to be upset about it because it was getting a little out of hand.  You have to let it go.  Your mom is an adult and so are you.  Take care of yourself first.  Good Luck.

Answer 4

It sounds like you need to talk to someone. If you can, get into therapy or something similar. Talk to your mom, and let your feelings out.

You can also call:

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Depression Hotline: [phone]

Make sure you let your feelings out, and talk to someone.

If you think you tried your best at school, then you did. Don't beat yourself up over this. You can always go back to school, when you feel ready.

You sound very stressed, but also sad.

Take a walk and clear your head.

Answer 5

I think the reason you are so worried about your mother is because sexual abuse is not a thing to take lightly, I know first hand, she may need to go to counseling if she is having breakdowns. All you can do is be supportive because you have to realize that she is living in the same house with someone who took something special from her, not saying your father is evil, and it may be hard to do that. I think you are also stressed out because you have all these feelings about the situation but have no one to talk to.

If you want to talk to me you can: [e-mail]

Answer 6

It was a good thing your mom was in the psych ward. She was probably having  a psychosis.. that is that everything seems confused, and scary, and a strong feeling of paranoia develops . when a person has this,they cant see or understand they are being irrational. ITs not all about ONE bad experience. Its a chemical imbalance,and medications can treat this well over a period of time. Ask your mom if she will give her psychatrist permission to speak to you, and that he be able to call you in on discussions on her well being. Try to stay calm. Your mom may have just exploded on that one event.. but its a acummulations of lots of things. Your mom needs medications, treatments , therapy and someone to help monitor and support this. You didnt say how old you are, but if your over 18 your an adult and can intervene to help with her care.

See if after a while you can go to some of your moms therapy sessions with her to help discuss what happened with her therapist so that you understand it. Maybe get a counselor at college to discuss your reaction to all this and to get your own support for this crisis.

It will take some time, but in time it will slow down and become managable. I believe college health services offer mental health support.

please seek it out for yourself to help you through this rough time.

good luck and be patient.. it just takes time.  

Answer 7

Wow - what a lot to dump on you, I feel for both you and your mother.

The only thing I can suggest is that you get back in touch with the Psych ward or her doctor and tell them what is going on.  They are the best to judge her mental health.

This is not your problem, and should not be.  What I mean, is there is nothing that you can do about what happened so long ago.  You should support your mother but you do not need to know the details.  

Try to be helpful around the home, bring in fresh flowers, do little things for her - it will make you feel better and maybe her.

You need to talk to someone, maybe your doctor can recommend someone.

Good luck

Answer 8

BE STRONG it's NOT your fault. You need time. you mom will get better-

I promise!!!!

Answer 9

i think you're family needs to go to counseling especially you and your mother.. whether its together or alone... both of you need medical help because y'all have been hurt emotionally and mentally...