Please read! it's really short.?

Question

I just stared at the judge. He was mumbling words not even Danny’s lawyer seemed to understand. I recalled all the events that had happened and wondered if I had chosen the right thing.

Danny somehow looked different, older. I had come all the way from America to Puerto Rico for only one purpose. I wanted to tell Danny. I wanted more than anything to have a future, but I didn’t know if that was possible anymore. He probably thought I was mad in love with him. To tell the truth, though, I wasn’t sure anymore.

“Sara Brookman?” I looked up. The judge wanted me to take a stand. I realized that I couldn’t go back, I had to save Danny. I had to save us.

--How could I make it better? Did you like it overal?-- I've been trying to write a book...it's been kind of complicated...this is the preface...

Answer 1

OMG!  Someone on here can write, spell and use correct grammar!

It sounds like good start to your story.

I get so tired of people on here saying "I wanna be a writer."

I have been a writer, abet not very successful, for 10 years now.

I have two books published and I have written over 300 short stories, poems and commentaries.

I encourage you to continue this story. Just don't get to impatient.

It took Alex Haley around 10 years to write "Roots."

There are a lot of resources on the Internet to aide you in writing a book.

It would be hard for me to suggest anyone web site. You can Google "how to write a novel" . Read several of them and put together your own plan.

If you want to post more here or send me an email feel free too.

My writer's email is [e-mail]

Good luck!

Al

Answer 2

I stared at the judge.

   He was mumbling words not even Danny's lawyer seemed to understand. I thought of everything that had led to this and wondered if I had made the right choices.

   Danny looked different. Older. His hair was longer than I remembered, and the lines below his eyes- lines that I had once thought of as laughter lines- were deeper, as if prison had aged him. I wanted to tell him that he was the reason I had travelled to America from my home in Puerto Rico. More than anything, I wanted to have a future with him, but I didn't know if that was possible anymore. He probably thought I was still madly in love with him.

   Maybe I was.

   'Sara Brookman?'

   I looked up. The judge sighed, and the bailiff glowered at me for daydreaming. Legs numb, I made my way to the witness box. There was no turning back. I had to save Danny. I had to save us.

(Please don't be offended by my edit- it's only my opinion. I thought it was pretty good.)