Please read my story?

Question

Chapter One

I shut the bathroom door and lock it. I plop down on the toilet and lean against the wall, crying. I close my eyes and breath deeply. Mom and I just got into another fight. Dad sided with her and I feel absolutely helpless. Nobody understands how I feel. I sigh and wipe away the tears, smearing some of my makeup in the process. I lay down on the bronze rug that covers the bathroom floor. It’s as soft as rabbit fur and it soothes my buzzing head. I can hear Mom and Dad talking softly downstairs in the kitchen. I wonder what they are talking about. I listen intently and realize the whispers have ceased. Footsteps are climbing the stairs and I realize to late they stop outside the door. I slap a hand over my mouth, hoping to quiet my sobs.

“Danielle?” I hear Mom ask.

“What?” I mumble through my hand.

“Can you come downstairs for a sec?”

“Be there in a sec.”

“Well…” Mom hesitates. “All right.” She walks back down to the kitchen and I climb up from the floor. I look at my self in the mirror and my mouth is turned down into a scowl. My dark brown hair is mussed. I quickly run my fingers through my hair, wipe the excess tears and makeup, and hurry down the stairs. Mom and Dad are sitting on either side of the table.

“Sit.” Dad commands in a very serious voice, pointing at a chair in between them.

“What?” I hiss. “What do you want?” They exchange a glance and I can see tears forming in Mom’s eyes. I feel sudden guilt but ignore it.

“We need to talk.” Dad says gently.

“Then talk.” I reply coldly. His eyes narrow.

“We have decided that this yelling has got to stop. We’ve done everything; grounding you to taking away privileges. Nothing has worked.” He takes a deep breath, glances at Mom again, who is still sniffling and looks back at me. “We are going to set up an appointment with a therapist.” It takes a moment to register but then I gasp.

“No! I absolutely refuse to see a shrink!” I shriek.

“See what I’m talking about?” Dad gestures to my rigid body.

“What do expect me to do? Clap my hands with joy?” I say through clenched teeth, my hands gripping the sides of the seat.

“No but I expect you to understand how frustrating this is for us.”

“For you?” I gape at them. “Are you serious? I’m the one who is getting forced to go to therapy.”

“Please, Danielle.” Mom’s voice was hoarse. “Just one session.”

“One.” I growl. “I’m only doing this so you will get off my back.”

“We’re not--” Mom starts to say but Dad cuts her off.

“Thank you, Danielle. Should I set it for this Saturday?”

“I don’t care. I’m going to bed early.” I rise from the chair and stomp up the stairs. I slam my door shut and fling myself on my bed. I can feel more tears approach so I grab some tissues and let them fall.

Chapter Two

BEEEEEP! I roll over and groan. I slam my hand against the sleep button to quiet my alarm. I open one eye and look at my clock. It says 9/23/08 - 5:30 AM. I groan again as Mom saunters through the doorway.

“Time to get up! I made pancakes!” She says, pulling my blinds open.

“Why do they have school start so early?” I grumble as I sit up.

“It builds character.” Mom replies. I roll my eyes and crawl out of bed.

“Leave so I can get ready.” I tell her. She sighs and goes out. I shut the door behind her and turn around, studying my room. I just redid it in August and the orange walls seemed to glow in the morning light. I smile and go into my closet. I change swiftly, picking dark skinny jeans and a bright pink polo. I stare at my shoes lined up neatly on the shelf Dad set up for me. I am a big fan of Converse so they take up most of the space. Once done shoving my feet into my favorite pink high-tops, I carefully put my makeup. Light pink eye shadow, black eyeliner. I straighten my hair and clip a pink bow barrette on to a section of my hair. Picking up my backpack and purse, I trot down the stairs into the kitchen.

“Hey.” My brother Cory greets. Cory is a senior while I am a sophomore. You would think that he taunts me at every chance he gets but he is actually pretty cool. He even lets me hang out with some of his friends sometimes.

“Good morning, Cory.” I reply, plopping down in the same chair that I sat in last night with my parents. I mentally shudder back the memory and turn back to Cory’s rant.

“--same lunch this year.”

“What?” I ask.

“I said, it’s awesome that we have the same lunch this year. Maybe we can eat together.”

I roll my eyes. “You just want to hang out with Mandy.” Mandy is my best friend. We have been best friends ever since we were little. Cory really likes her and I know he hates it when I tease him about it. I don’t do it often but it’s nice to see his face get all red once in awhile. Cory has a reputation for being calm in crazy situations.

“I do not.” He mutters, turning beet red. I giggle and start to tackle the plate of pancakes Mom had set in front of me. Cory glances at his watch. “Better hurry up. I want to leave in 5 minute

Answer 1

BEEEEEP!

I hate that, it's such a cop out. Remove that and it'll make it sound a bit more mature.

Other than that, I'm not a fan of the present tense writing, but if you like it you should keep it. And the first paragraph has too many sentences starting with "I."

That aside, good start.

Answer 2

its really good i like it so far

tell me if you write more im loving it

goodluck with the rest:)