Please share some coersion techniques?

Question

I know they happen and maybe sharing what happened to you, will help others realize when it's happening to them.

Example: when my sons b-mom was in her pre-placement counceling (wait that is coersive too, really if you think about it, sounds too final) she was shown b-parent letters of couples who were better off financialy and was told that her son would be better off with a Doc or engineer. Even though he had been with us for 6 months. they even had surrender papers there, should she was to changer her mind.

They did it because we were doing a private adoption and were not paying that $18K placement fee.

She told them that she wanted us and they felt that she could use some more "counceling". She called and told me what happened and was sickened by their attempt to sign him into their care.

what can you share?

Answer 1

Heres a post from a blog I co-blog at that I wrote on coersion i'll just copy and paste it here cause i think its appropriate:

Thought Coercion:

In all forms of thought coercion the immediate objective is to force other people to act as if their basic choice rules were identical to those of the coercing party. However, this mere conformity of “outward” behaviour is but a first step. The true and final aim of thought coercion is to induce a change in the victim’s objective function itself, i.e. the basic set of values and rules by which the victim determines his or her own choice among the alternatives of any feasible set. Thought coercion is thus generally meant to be only temporary. Once the desired change in values has been brought about, the victim is expected to conform spontaneously, without any need for further coercion.

Whether and under what conditions this final aim can in fact be stably achieved is a difficult question, and it will be considered in the section devoted to the effects of coercion. Here it is necessary to point out that, whatever its effectiveness, thought coercion has in fact been used very extensively throughout history.”

This article is a perfect example of modern day thought coercion going on in pregnancy counselors offices in Illinois. This is the Illinois orientation of pregnancy counselors twords adoption (http://antiadoption.files.wordpress.com/... it gets REALLY good at page 5 ). I’ve been sitting here for the last 20 minutes trying to figure out which paragraph to add in here, because there are so many relative examples, I can’t decide which is best. My advice is to just download the entire 9 pages and read it for yourself.

The Adoption Show has many educational segments on their site that I urge all readers concerned with modern day coercion in adoption to listen to. In specifically one on Coercion post BSE w/ guest speakers Claudia Corrigan Sheeley and Laurie Frisch.

Parents are all over the headlines fighting to parent their children. (Allison Quets, Carmen McDonald, Cody O’Dea, Jonelle, Rashad Head, Saskatoon Dad that can’t be named, Stephanie Bennett )

Adoption voices and activists are also exposing the revealing truths about modern day coercion (Exiled Mothers, Origins Canada, Lifemothers .)

I can think of one adoptive mother Susan Burns who produced a book Fast Track Adoption, about how to soothe and coerce an expecting mother out of her child. When her adopted child’s natural mother accidentally found the book, Cindy Jordan ( the first mother ) took her life. I remember the day this happened, her friends, the whole adoption on-line community grieved and still grieve. Need I repeat myself, she took her LIFE after discovering she had been coerced by her daughters adoptive parents ( if they even deserve that title, but I will use it to clearly clarify exactly who i’m talking about.)

There are bloggers through out the web who have been victims of coercion in modern day adoptions. Some have silenced voices, because they are still bound to open adoption agreements just to see their children that have been adopted into different families.

Its all over the place, but it has taken on different forms than the Baby Scoop Era coercions of forcing mothers into unwed homes and forcing them from their babies and sending them home childless. Coercion has taken on a brainwashing approach to expecting mothers that is feeding into the demand of infertile couples wanting a newborn infant to adopt compared to the hundreds of thousands of children languishing in foster care thanks to the Adoption and Safe Families Act. Which allowed the legal family ties to be cut on children in foster care longer than 15 out of 22 months. Although adoptions were already on the rise, this same act produced financial bonuses for each year that the adoption numbers improved/increased.

Although the national parental termination rates doubled in the next two years following this act, ( according to the estimates per the National Information Adoption Clearinghouse in Washington DC ) the time to adopt children increased as well. On top of that, states were and are STILL having a hard time placing foster care children into homes, because grown foster children aren’t whats being demanded.

The Adoption and Safe Families Act has provided financial incentive for adoptions, but it does not specify which adoptions, it has not provided priority on the children who NEED the homes. Instead it has supported the financially motivated industry built on providing babies for infertile couples willing to pay thousands in misc. fee’s in exchange for a child.

It has helped to develop coercion tactics in agencies, it has brought to the headlines parents fighting to parent, it has created thousands and thousands of unnecessary separations in families.

Adoption is supposed to be about the children. Children and their families first, families wanting a child via adoption second. Adoption is NOT about fulfilling the needs of couples WANTING a child, its about providing a home for a child who needs one. WHO NEEDS ONE.

Coercion shouldn’t even exist in adoption, but it did yesterday, it does today and will tomorrow until its exposed and put to an end.

Answer 2

Single/young mothers are targeted in hospitals.  Nurses who are trolling for babies for their friends tip off social workers that a single mother has given birth.  The nurse will try to keep the baby from the mother for feeding and will confront her about her ability to parent.  The social worker pays a visit to the mother and tries to tell her that she is not fit to parent.  The social worker tries to block the birth certificate by losing paperwork over the course of a 9-month period.  The mother is reported to the county and told to be "watched".

At the time, the mother was openly supported by her family, had medical insurance, and was a non-drinking, non-smoking, drug-free college student.

Answer 3

I don't know if I'm ready to put all this out there.  I expect a gianormous amount of thumbs up for this answer darn it.  ;o)

My family would not show or guide me through the transition into parenting during a crisis pregnancy.  Their options were adopt (people pay good money for healthy white infants, but you wouldn't do that...) or get out of their house and support myself on my own with no guidance.

There is no listing in the phone book for "omg, I'm pregnant and want to keep this baby, help me."  There is abortion, or there is adoption.  Adoptive agencies say they will help counsel crisis pregnancy, but hello, they are an adoption agency.  I wonder what they would prefer we did?

I did not call an adoption agency.  I imagined that a phone call like that was admitting over the phone to strangers that I was unfit, unprepared and a failure.  I would have called a crisis pregnancy help me parent line though had it existed.

During an ob-gyn visit (my second one, I got started rather late into the pregnancy) that doctor on the rotation saw the note on my file that I was considering adoption.  She asked if she could show me a letter written by another of her patients that had been trying to have/adopt kids for a while but birthmothers kept backing out.  One baby was even home with them for two weeks when she changed her mind.  The doctor asked, "You wouldn't do that would you.  I'll only show you the letter if you are serious about adoption."  She then had the nurse call them directly so I could speak to them because I mentioned my fear of making that phone call admitting failure.

This is where the adoption koolaid comes in.  This is where everyone who then surrounded me said how brave and selfless and wonderful I would be for doing this for my child.  Compared to before that choice I was a stupid git who got pregnant in the eyes of those who surrounded me.

My husband, then boyfriend, and I met with the adoption attorney and the potential adoptive parents once before my baby was born.  Once.  That afternoon we spent a bit meeting with our baby's soon to be parents for a bit in an attorney led discussion.  When we were asked our feelings about contact, birth preferences, hospital stay, etc... it was a led discussion all assuming I would place my child for adoption.  In fact, by the time I went to that meeting, I shared my u/s pictures to show how wonderful he was.  *I* feared rejection.  =oP

They asked if I wanted to hold him, they asked if I wanted to stay on the same floor as the maternity wing, they asked if I wanted to breastfeed even though they thought it would make it harder to say goodbye.  All of these questions on the spot with no information on the consequences of the choices at hand.

The lawyers asked the potential adoptive parents to step out and addressed as potential birthparents.  She mentioned there were other profiles we could look at if we weren't satisfied with them.  How could we say no to them when they have been heartbroken multiple times before?  We didn't look at any other profiles.

We then were asked to meet with the social worker right then for counseling.  She skimmed all parenting help because we insisted we were placing.  Not once did anyone say that the choice to parent or relinquish should come only after birth.  In one afternoon I became an incubator for someone else's baby.  I would not claim this baby as my own for what I thought was my own sanity.  There was no psychological counseling on what our reasons were placing really.  There was no information on consequences to us or our son by choosing adoption.  Just a whole lot of "good for you for choosing to be selfless and not hurt these people.  What a positive conclusion to a meeting"

When I was induced, they were there on my invitation.  I did not know this was a coercive technique.  When the nurses were asking once the baby was born if they could place him on my belly, I wanted to refuse.  It would be too hard.  My mom (she did not coerce me to place, but she found out about my pregnancy after the adoption landslide began) said that it would mean the most to me later and she was right.  The labor was hard, and I felt the most alone in my life.  Then everyone surrounded me (husband, mom, and the adoptive parents) as our son entered the world.  He was on my belly for a few moments and I turned to his parents and said "your son in beautiful" and then he was whisked off to be held by his parents.  Not us.  That was the last time I was allowed to see him because of health troubles he had.  He stopped breathing the first few hours after he was born and was required to stay in the nursery.  Not one person working in the hospital came to tell me that.  It wasn't until the next day that I braved asking for him to be brought to me that someone mentioned in passing that he couldn't leave the nursery.  They also didn't say that I could go see him.  They made it sound like I had to stay in my room to recover.

I did not get to see or hold my son other that moment he was born before they released me from the hospital early on the day after he was born so that the relinquishment papers could be signed right away.  No one asked if I got to see him.  I signed the papers and was reminded that I could revoke consent or file another paper at this location to completely waive our rights to revoking consent.  Being the ever compliant, I'm not going to change my mind, we signed those papers once that office opened.

I saw my son three times after we signed the relinquishment papers.  The first was with my mother who came later that day to check up on me.  She insisted I walk to the nursery to see him.  I wanted to hold him, but when I touched him the wires set off an alarm and the nurse chastised me.  So we left.  Then later that evening I asked my dad to take me back, that time I held him and he fussed at my touch.  So I passed him to my dad, and my son was amused by my dad's face.  But then his parents came to feed him and he instantly calmed down at his mother's touch.

I made my husband go back with me the next day, the last day he was in the hospital.  He wouldn't/couldn't hold him.  He still regrets that.  There are no photographs of us with our son.

But still, I chose adoption for my son.  I'm just terribly hurt by how I had to be coerced further into that choice.

Answer 4

I am adopted and have 2 adopted kids- and I want to share what the birth mom of our son said, about why she selected us-  she did not select us because we were rich- in our bios we shared that we weren't.  We did have a house, but we had no savings. If the attorney told her that most couples were rich, and if she had been coerced she would not have selected us-  she selected us because we looked like a very down to earth family, that type of family she was from.  So granted I am not saying coercion does not happen, but please let us also say that adoption for both the birth mom and the adoptees and adopted families can be positive.

Answer 5

Our story is very similar to yours.  When we were adopting our son, he was in kinship care with his bio grandparents.  They told the state that they could only care for him temporarily because of their age and health.  When it became evident that the bio parents wanted nothing to do with changing their ways, the state told them & the bio grandparents that because the child had a life-threatening disorder, they would make out better finding someone to adopt him privately.  They did that and chose us.  As we were going through the process, the state "changed their minds" and decided that they were going to place him into foster care for the purpose of adoption.  As the state case worker told us "he was a caucasian infant which made him a hot commodity" for them.  I believe at that point the state became more focused on stopping the adoption than what would benefit the child or what the bio family wanted.

Answer 6

This is very long, I'm sorry.

My mother was "counseled" while pregnant with me in that she was sat in the room and asked questions about her background and heritage.  When she became engaged to my biological father, her caseworker told her she would "ruin her life" getting married so young and keeping me.



My paperwork has a document that was to be given to the hospital saying that she wanted to hold me and spend as much time with me as possible after I was born.  Her caseworker's signature is on that paper.  When it came time for her to give birth to me after two days of labor, a gas mask was placed over her face against her will and she was knocked out.  When she awoke, I was gone.  She begged to see me and was told that her caseworker was unavailable.  I have documentation that proves otherwise.  My mother's caseworker was present but deliberately did not respond to my mother's pleas.  My mother was not allowed to see me until the next day when the nurses  finally relented because she would not give up her demands to see me.

She decided to keep me until learning that her mother was gravely ill.  A family member who had abused her in the past ordered her to relinquish me and then drove to the city of my birth and forced her to sign the papers.  My mother was still not willing to relinquish without the promise that I would not go to foster care.  The caseworker made that promised and then sent me to foster care within hours of my mother signing the papers.  I spent three months there.  Three months in which my foster parents drugged me whenever I cried.  They wrote it all out in a letter to my adoptive mother. I have it.  They gave me pills whenever I fussed or cried for three months.

In the meantime, the adoption agency was very busy terminating my mother's right behind her back.  They called for emergency sessions to terminate her revocation period early because, and I quote, my mother was "selfish" and "insecure" enough to change her mind.

The agency was ordered to notify my mother of the emergency termination via registered letter which they deliberately sent to a vacated address.  Her family had moved over the summer and the agency had the new address but they sent it to the vacated one on purpose.  She never got that letter.

The kicker is that I was placed with my adoptive family almost immediately after my mother's rights were terminated once and for all and the wardship was granted to the agency.  But the agency didn't bother to tell my aparents that I was their ward and that they were collecting state support off of me.  This money was never given to my aparents who took on full financial support of me once I was placed.  So the agency made money off of me for almost two years, in fact since my wardship had been done secretly in a different county court, it wasn't actually terminated until three months after my adoption was finalized.  So what was I  for those three months? A ward or an adoptee?  Who cares as long as the agency made money, right?

So in my situation, my mother was coerced, my aparents were deceived and I was fleeced for child support.  Pretty sick if you ask me.

Now this was back in the seventies mind you and I hope that there are not cases like mine out there but that is my story.  It was pretty shocking to learn in my thirties that everything about my adoption was a lie but it was.  I try not to be bitter about it but that caseworker had better hope she never meets me and any of my parents.  She's got some explaining to do.

Answer 7

My mother was tied to her bed and maybe even blindfolded to keep her from seeing me.  She was told that only two parents would be the best.  She was told that she was not a mother unless she was married.  

I know of a couple of mothers who were threatened with financial reprecussions.  They would be sued if they didn't relinquish their child.  A woman who has a crisis pregnancy is called a "birthmother" before she has even decided to place.  I know some women are hounded until they do relinquish.  Many times women don't realize that abortion and adoption are permanent solutions to a temporary situation.  No one wants to provide help to women.  

Thanks for asking a good question.

Answer 8

-i was told that most black college-bound girls have abortions. poor black girls chose to be single parents, are on drugs, have sick babies or don't "match well." hence, i was the "last chance" for this couple.

-when i decided to change my mind, i was accused of only reacting to the hormones.

-when i decided to change my mind, i was threatened that the paper i signed (a release of medical records) was binding, and i couldn't just "breech the contract."

-at the hospital, i was depressed and spoke with a hospital counselor.  after my son's birth, i was contacted daily by he agency.  when i disclosed that i'd spoken to someone and was sure that i wanted to parent, i was told, "you really need to speak to OUR counselor about this. the hospital counselors are not experts on birthmother issues."

i can go on if you'd like...

Answer 9

I can't even type through the tears. OMG the stories here are heart wrenching.

My story is one of two choices, relinquish or be terminated as his mother. I had NO choice, I couldn't cause him to live his entire life in foster care. I guess I can't say it was a coerced adoption, it was a forced adoption.

Answer 10

Unfortunately coersion happens with unscrupulous agencies and people in adoption. It is not only illegal but if the judge who hears the case for the adoption believes it to be coercion in any form for any adoption it will not be granted and the person(s) that are doing the coercion can go to jail.

If you suspect that an agency you are working with is guilty of coercion for some reason and have proof you should consult with an adoption attorney right away.

Coercion can be:

* bribes to the biological parent in the form of expensive gifts, money or other things.

* promising the biological family things you do not intend to make good on after the finalization of the adoption.

Legally however an adoptive family can help with medical care and expenses as well as medications or living expenses (such as rent) during a pregnancy or until the adoption is finalized if needed by a biological parent placing a child into an adoption plan with a family. There are no laws against this in any of the 50 US states.  It is because of coercion situations that good attorney's and agencies who are on the up and up will tell you it is not a good idea to buy lavish "thank you" gifts or the like for the biological parents because it can be construed as bribery and coercion.