Please tell me the age you were adopted, found out you were adopted, & your present attitude towards adoption?

Question

I've seen such diverse answers on adoption, to extreme measures. I'd like to know, for instance, if you hate adoption, adopted privately, through foster care, and if your adoptive parents were abusive, alcoholics, drug users, over religious, or just everyday working people. Details please! Thanks!

Answer 1

I was adopted at the age of 5 my BIO brother was 6.

We both were taken away because my mother was unfit.

I have grown up knowing that I was adopted and my current view towards a adoption is wonderful. My parents adopted me when they were in there early 40s. They were Christian parents. My parents have been married almost 25 years...Just about 3 months ago I met my biological father. It was awkward but made me even for greatful for being adopted.

However during my whole childhood, I suffered from depression and bad behavior. My adopted mother and I never had a good relationship..It just wasn't there.

My parents tired to connect with me, my dad was able to however my mom tried to hard...She was forceful and everything had to be her own way. It was a struggle. I suffered from deattachment disorder. My Bio mother never had a connection with me. I was shuffled from one foster home to another. If I am correct, I was in 3 foster homes before I was 4.

I learned to deal with it over time. 3 years ago, I met an amazing man, who is 63 days will be my husband. He supported me through the whole process of trying to find my birth family. My fiance was the only person to really understands what it's like to be "left behind". I had a hard time dating men, they just didn't understand the struggle of what its like being adopted. For me as a female, I need to know who I am. It's an Identity thing. It's been almost 18 years since I was adopted. I learn to live with it every day.

I know that no matter what I do, my adoption was haunt me.

I tried suicide a few times, mainly for attention . I tried cutting when I was a teenager. I acted out and such..My parents sent me to treatment centers and boarding schools...Luckly, I was able to get through it. I stayed grounded in my faith which is probably the main reason why I am the Sane person I am today. The church and my husband give me the faith to move on. My only fear is that I won't be a good mother to my children. I am scared that I will mess up. I am scared that the Bi-polar and szchopherina that my birth parents had will be passed down to my child. I am just scared. I want to adopt my own kids but yet again I am scared. What if they come out wrong or weird...I pray everyday and thank the Lord that I am here. Every new days comes a new blessing.

Answer 2

Some of these stories are so sad. My adoption experience was completely different. I was adopted in 1964 though Catholic Children's Charity. I was adopted from the hospital at about 2 weeks of age. My parent's are the most wonderful people in the world. I would LIKE them even if they were not my family. I have NEVER felt like an outsider or "different" from other family members. My aunts, uncles, and cousins could not have treated a natural child with more love than I was given. I always k new I was adopted. Thought it was pretty cool. My biological mother gave me the best start possible and I am eternally grateful and pray for her though I feel no need to meet or know her. I have one natural and one adopted child of my own.

Answer 3

I was placed into foster care at 12 hours of age, spent three months there and was then adopted through social services. This was 1977 and most adoptions were through the government.

My adopters were fairly normal. Amom was religious but not a zealot, adad was not religious at all. Amom was in and out of hospital from the time I was around 10 until she passed when I was 14. Adad developed a drinking problem and became very abusive. Adad moved us into a new house with his new girlfriend 6 months after my amom passed and remarried three months later. Their first bio child was born 11 months after the wedding and step mom became pregnant again 10 months after that. In the middle I too found myself pregnant. The day after my 17th birthday, I was already 4 months pregnant, my adad beat me badly saying he was "going to kill that little b*****d inside me" and I left home for three months. I moved back 2 weeks before my son was born and stayed there for the month he was in the NICU. The day I brought him "home" we went to his aunts house, he was not welcome in my father's home. A week later my belongings were dropped off on the lawn of my new home. I was pressured to relinquish my son for 2.5 years until I was forced into it by a social worker. My adad and step mom congratulated me on my wise choice (choice? roflmfa! yeah that's it). To this day, 10 years later, I am not to mention my son's name or reminisce about the time we were together. If I slip up and mention him they simply walk away from me, even in the middle of a conversation.

I do not like adoption. I understand that it can be necessary and in a child's best interest but I will always believe that children should stay with their natural parents whenever possible.

Answer 4

I was adopted at birth, and found out that I was adopted at such an early age, that I really don't remember when.  I have 2 adopted children, from birth and they knew early as well. My attitude toward adoption is very positive.  I was adopted privately and so were my 2 children were as well.  About my adoptive parents- my dad passed away over 25 years ago, my mom is still living and is wonderful,  I was a Christian before my mom was.

Answer 5

i was adopted at 2.. by my grand parents i found out i was adopted when i was little .. and yes i hate adoption because the state never knoes how to go about the best intrest for tha child .. they went by who the real family was back when i was little ... and i feel they should have left me where i was i was in a good home .. where people loved me and wantd to keep me .. and when they took me away i cried how can u take a cryin child away from her foster mom.. my mom left me there when i was a infant .. and never came back. and my grand ma is very religious .. and theres ppl here who drink have been on drugs abusive everythang .. but i bet they wudnt  care becasue ay im with my real family huh .. yeah right ...

but  soon i will be  workin wit social services to make things right for every child in america .. and im goin for the world becasue theres alwayz a  child who needs a home .. i would love to sdopt alot of  kids from all over and give them the love i never  got ..!

Answer 6

One adoption centered life history coming up lol.

My B-parents were killed when I was 10 days old, car bomb in N.Irland. There was no family to take care of me, (possible brother).

I was in care until I was 6 months, adopted by my 1st family. They moved to england and then gave me back when I was 3 1/2, because 'god' gave them real children. Twins I think. Nie enough people, remember ice cream and horses.

I stayed in care until I was 5, adopted by a religious couple.

Nice enough,  until I wasn't religious.  

They were catholic, and I am buddhist and bisexual. They kicked me out when I was 16, because they didn't want me 'disturbing' their 'real' daughter, and my lifestlye was evil.

From the second family I still keep in contact with my cousins, lots of them lol.... 16......

I don't hate adoption. It's a neccesary evil, that isn't so evil in someone's eyes.

People should see it for what it is, a child seperated from her mother. Not a brand new, delivered baby.

Personally, I have a three month old daughter, and when she's older, maybe 5/6, we might adopt from foster care. We're not sure yet. Still getting to know this one.

BTW, I'm 23, married, got myself through college, twice, (England and america.)and travelled across america, france, switzerland etc....

That's mine :)

Answer 7

i was adopted at 4.  i was actually taken away from my biological mother, as she was declared unfit

always knew i was adopted.  kinda hard to hide it at four

my mom was a great mom, single parent for most of it.  pretty normal i guess.  really helped me to get over moving from the place where i was at to a nice home which couldn't have been easy.

big fan of adoption, so long as it's open.  i know my biological mother, and remember some of the time i spent with her, also know my biological family (my mom made sure of that).  it made things really easy, as i felt really loved, it was clear for me to see what my life would have been like had i not been adopted.  i also plan on adopting, most likely an older child. though older children may have separation anxiety and stuff, from my experience with others who were adopted from 3-5 years old, and those who knew they were adopted from jump and those who found out later, i think telling kids they're adopted from the beginning is best, and adopting slightly older is best for me as they know what they're missing (ie, don't have the image of their biological parents being the king of siam, crying over their missing baby, that sort of thing)

Answer 8

i was adopted at birth, in leesburg, florida., in 1963. i dont know much about my BM's situation. but my Aparents were the best anyone could ever hope for!! my Adad was the purchasing mgr for the coca-cola co., and Amom was a stay at home mom. they DID/DO love me just as if i was thier own!!i also have a brother they adopted in 1966, from an agency in orlando, fl. (my adoption was private...the doc had 1 woman who wasnt able to keep her child, (my Bmom), and my Amom, who couldnt carry a child to term, and hooked them up, so my Amom knew she was getting me before i was even born). we grew up as a loving family, transferred to houston texas, and they bought a big new home, and we lived as a happy loving family. we never wanted for anything. when christmas came, they would fill the formal living and dining rooms with toys for the 2 of us! @ the age of 13, i was stabbed in my back, (literally), and paralyzed most of my body from my waiste down. my dad kept my brother, and my mom stayed @ the hospital with me for most of 6 months. she went to physical therapy with me, and cleaned up after me. she even fetched me something to drink if i got thirsty in the middle of the night. now, i am 44. then 4 years ago, i had to stop working because of severe osteo was just making it too hard on me, plus i found out i was terminally ill. well, the social security the US 'says' we can pay our rent, lights, water, gas, phones, food, personal items etc etc is rediculously low, i couldnt afford to pay all of that on what i was getting. so i found the cheapest way to survive, was to buy an RV, that way id only have 1 bill that covers everything. i was looking @ old ones, that were affordable, and my Amom stepped in, and took me 'shopping' one day. i didnt know she was taking me to buy me a BRAND NEW 44THOUSAND DOLLAR RIG!!! she also bought my adoptive brother a new truck, to help him with his work. NO SHE IS NOT RICH!! she put us, before herself!! she cashed in coca-cola stock, meant for her retirement, and took out a reverse mortgage on her home that WAS paid for!! my Adad died with complications of diabetes in 1981. i miss him sooo much. they were the best thing that could have happened when my Bmom didnt want me. what if i/we would have ended up with our B parents who didnt want us, couldnt care for us, or whatever!!! maybe they would have beat us, put us in microwaves, starved us, OR WORSE, simply because we did something we had no control over....BEING BORN!! watch the news people!!! look @ what people r doing to thier own children!! ....or letting 'the love of thier life' doing to thier own children!! ..when they could have simply given them up for adoption, to loving parents!!! who would love them, care for them, and teach them to be good people/parents themselves!!! i have 1 daughter, due to my own complications from when i got stabbed by the sick b*****d on drugs, (Lonnie Allen Davis), or i would have had more children. my 2nd daughter was born when i was 6 months pregnant and weighed 1.9 ounces, but died of s.i.d.s. @ 5 1/2 months of age. but now, my own daughter, (who, btw, is also my best friend), is grown and married to a man who in my opinion is as close to perfect as they come, and they have given me 2 amazing grand children. and my Amom just adores all of them!! ...and has also helped them to buy things for thier home as well, and spoils them ALL rotten!!

the only thing that 'i' have a problem with, literally the ONLY thing, is i know at the time of my birth, my Bmom had an existing child, (girl?), and i would very much like to meet my Bmom so that i could find my sibling(s?), and get to know them. if my Bmom wants no relationship w me, thats fine w me, what id only like to know is my siblings names, ..let THEM decide if they want to know me, but most of all, before i can leave this life time, in peace, is FAMILY MEDICAL HISTORY, ETHNIC BKGRND, and maybe some family, for my own daughter. because when my mom passes, and i pass, then my daughter will be left all alone. my little brother and i arent very close, due to his drug issues, my nephew is following in his fathers foot steps, and my niece is grown and into her own thing. so we arent very close on that side, so for my daughter, im making an attempt to find my Bmom, and family, to find out what i can for her.

SO.... in MY opinion, ADOPTION IS A WONDERFUL THING. BUT keep in mind that one day, the child is going to want to know "where they come from"...read anniemae.com, it IS important to be able either atleast know the Bparents names, and a way for the child to contact them if possible. make sure u can give them thier family medical history....its hard for someone in my position who is constantly filling out new doctors paperwork, when they want family medical history, to constantly only be able to write "dont know..adopted". also they keep testing me for EVERYTHING, because we dont know what to look for or not to worry about. so that takes up alot of my time that i could be spending going swimming with my grand kids!! and they will obviously look different than u do, so, make sure that u can give them thier ethnic background as well.

be accepting of the fact that it is in thier genes that they r going to be 'different', and u just have to love them for who they are!! i am wiccan, and my mother, (Amom...she is the only 'mom' ive ever known), is a christian, although she doesnt actively go to church. and she isnt very open to learn about wicca. she doesnt understand that it is all about the greater good. but she heard the word 'witchcraft', (and at 77 years old, and only heard that witchcraft a bad thing), and simply doesnt want to hear about it, but doesnt condemn me for my own beliefs.

with adopted kids, even moreso than with ur own kids, u just have to try very hard to look at whatever it is that they r going thru, from many different ways, ..including thier way of seeing things. and even if u dont 'like' what they r doing, u still can be 'supportive' of it, and in most cases, from my own experiences, (myself, and many other adoptees and adoptive parents), if u r supportive, then the 2 of u, usually can find a medium ground that eventually makes everyone happy!! when my daughter started dancing, (professionally, not topless), i didnt like the costumes at first because they were too revealing, and provocative. but it was her passion. so instead of telling her NO. and ending it there, causing undue stress on our 'friendship', i got involved. and then with her promotors, i was able to put in my input, and guess what!! we all ended up happy with the out come!!  

...incase u r wondering about my little adoptive brother...he is 42 yrs old now, doesnt care to find his Bmom at all,  he started out to be a decent father, but then when the drugs came in, got his divorce, and ended up with a cocain w***e, turned out to lose his relationship w his daughter, almost all together. has his son atleast smoking pot WITH HIM, and i cringe to think what else. he just lost his house. his son, and his b*****s daughter, r living at my moms house. and my mom hasnt even heard from either my brother, or his ***** in several days. they just moved all of thier belongings into my moms garage, dropped off the kids, and im assuming, hit the dope house, and they r too high to call mom now.

but thats how it goes tho....in cases like this what do u do?

lol

Answer 9

I stayed with a foster family for three months after I was born and was then adopted in a closed stranger adoption through the county.  I was always told I was adopted but didn't understand what being adopted meant until about age six.  I remember the day that I finally understood, I was devastated.

My aparents were not abusive, I was never spanked.  They were not alcoholics, they almost never drank and certainly no drugs, they didn't even smoke.  We went to church on Sundays, but they definitely weren't overly religious.  They were very healthy, sane people.  The family was a very normal middle-class family...except, of course for the fact they adopted me.

I have suffered depression my entire lifetime.  I was a pain in my aparents butts from early childhood.  I was always very sensitive, emotional, depressed, never happy...just very difficult.  When I graduated high school they kicked me out of the house because they "didn't know what else to do for me".  I'm sure they regretted adopting me for all the trouble I gave them and that I have been a huge disappointment.

I didn't know what to do after they kicked me out of the house or where to go.  I ended up with a very abusive man that I married and he used me as his personal punching bag for two years.  He threatened to kill me at least once a month and loved to hold loaded guns to my head.  I would tell him to just go ahead and shoot, I didn't want to live anyway, but he said he didn't want to go to prison over me.

Somehow I got away from him, I got myself through college and have managed to hold down a job for most of my adult life with just occasional times of depression so severe that I couldn't function at all.  I am married with a child.  Unfortunately, I'm not a very good wife or mother because I'm so depressed.  I know that it has affected my daughter negatively.  The damage adoption has caused has certainly not been confined to just me.

In adulthood, I have tried just about every treatment available to alleviate the depression but I have become increasingly suicidal over the years as I see no escape from the pain I'm in. Being abandoned by my mother has caused me severely low self-esteem and overwhelming fear of rejection and abandonment.  I trust no one and am always waiting for people to s***w me over.  As such, I cannot form normal relationships with people.  Currently, I'm estranged from my adoptive family, I have no friends, everyone I meet hates me.  I guess I just send out vibes of insecurity and negativity.

I cannot stop thinking about killing myself.  The only thing that stops me is that I do not want to leave my daughter with a lifetime of trauma.  I figure a messed-up mother is better than a mother who killed herself.  My life is miserable and I sincerely wish that I could have been aborted instead of born only to be abandoned and adopted by strangers who I never bonded with and who didn't understand me.

Answer 10

i was adopted when i was two.

i found out i was adopted when i was nine.

and im still kinda pissed that my parents never told me i was adopted.

i remember asking them when i was nine why on this other sheet of paper my last name was different.

and they told me i was adopted and that they didnt plan on telling me.

=/

i was adopted by my grandparents,

which is kinda odd,

cuz i call them mom and dad now.

=/

but my birth mom was single,

cuz my dad left her after he found out she was pregnant.

and my mom didnt want to give me to just anyone,

so she decided to do an open adoption with my then grandparents.

so yeah,

everythings kinda confusing with my family.

Answer 11

I was born on Halloween and adopted on New Years Eve. Always knew I was adopted so they must have started that you didn't come from mommies belly but we still love you as if you did BULLSHIT. My attitude towards adoption is that... if not for God blessing me with my children and grandchild then I wish Roe vs. Wade had been in effect when she got herself knocked up. I am sure she would have aborted me becaue the little time that I did have with her all I heard about was how she had to graduate from college later than all her friends because she had to take off a semester  to go to an unwed mothers home and oh yeah, how she missed the halloween party they were having that night at the home because she went into labor with me. She didn't do me any favors. Adoption works SOMETIMES. For my childrens uncle IT WAS A GOD SEND but the majority of the time I believe it really causes alot of psychological damage. I mean lets face it. You were given away by your own mother-how much more rejection can you get....oh wait...then theres my soon to be x-husband but we won't go there lol!!!!  I hated my life. I was adopted through the great state of Tennessee. My mother had me about 120 miles away from where I was raised ( i was born in Nashville). They placed me with a family that was within 30 miles of my biological mothers  hometown and 20 miles of my biological fathers hometown. I actually went to school one year with a half brother that was one grade below me and really cute. Thank God we didn't date. Yes I was sexually abused by my adoptive parents biological son who was 13 years older than me. Yes my mother was an alcoholic. My father died suddenly from a rare heart condition when he was 41 and she turned to the bottle. Soon after he died she was diagnoised with Multiple Sclerosis- the most severe progressive type. She still stayed drunk all the time even after that. By the time I was eight years old I was having to do most of the house hold things and stand by her when she walked outside to make sure she didn't fall. She could hold onto stuff in the house. By the time I was 9 or 10 I was transfering her to a wheelchair,bathing her, feeding her, waking up 3 to 4 times a night to take her to the bathroom or change a pissy bed. NO IT WAS NOT HER FAULT BUT NOT MINE EITHER. When I would be so exhausted and get frustrated and complain she would tell me that when I would arrive at school the next day that there would be people from the department of human services there to pick me up. They would take my clothes I had on me from me and I would leave her with what I came her  with......nothing. I believed her. Don't know why I did but I believed her. She would never have gotten rid of her free labor and gosh forbid her biological son ever have to lift a finger to help unless it was helping himself to me. I told her about that too and she would not even listen to me; her son would never do that.We came from a very "well to do" family. All the s****. rich people, doctors,doctors wives etc were "good friends". They knew what was happening expect the sexual abuse and no one would help me. There was no one else to take care of her. I was told many times about jewels in my crown when I got to heaven and how I will be blessed on day. They were as wrong for what they let happen as my brother was. She only weighed like 90 pounds but it ruined my back. I never got a full nights sleep so I know the medical problems I endure have some sort of connection. I have huge trust issues- I basically trust no one because everyone I trusted either left me or hurt me. The verbal abuse was just as bad as the sexual abuse. If I did not do what she wanted when she wanted it she would start in on the verbal abuse.Things like no one wants you, your mother didn't want you, I don't want you, no one does. These things play over and over in your mind and  you question your self worth daily. It is hard to even have a relationship because you have the wall built so high because gosh forbid you take  down one brick and you let someone in then they hurt you. My answer was to put the brick back and build that wall a little higher. Therefore my marriage has suffered from it; I have very few good friends because I don't let many people close enough to me to hurt me. I have no idea what a marriage is really suppose to be like because I had no aunts or uncles and with my dad dying when I was so young I had nothing to compare what a marriage was suppose to be like. SO TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION FROM MY POINT OF VIEW ADOPTION SUCKS. IT WAS PURE h**l. It did not end when my things were put on the front porch when I was about to graduate from high school and her free labor was over. The ripple effect contiues today. If I ever felt my husband getting too close or if I found myself lettting those bricks accidently fall over I would find anyway in the world to build them back up. I hurt every day, I have fibromyalgia, my back already has arthritis in it and I am not even 40. You tell me ...............what would your opinion of adoption would be if you had to walk in my shoes just for a few days during those years? You can't tell me that some of this still doesn't go on. The school even  knew it. I had to walk home everyday at lunch to take her to the bathroom, change her if she had voided in her clothes, fed her, try to grab a bite myself if I had time depending on if she had just urinated in her clothes or if it was a bowel movement which meant I had to wash her up again, and then walk back to school; weather was no option, thunderstorm, snow,rain,100 degree tempt. who cared. I would just sit there in water soaked clothes for the rest of the day because she was prominent in the communtiy and you just didn't talk about it. This still goes on and nobody really cares. Sorry but you ask. I know I went on and on but this has truly effected my life, it will never NOT effect my life. Yeah my vote is in my case ADOPTION SUCKED!

Answer 12

I was adopted right after I was born..I think if you cannot provide for your child the way it should be cared for then give it up for adoption to someone who can care for them. I love my adopted parents for believing enough in me to care how I grew up. Personally I hate my real parents. I will never forgive them for giving me up..and I feel if they didn't want me 25 years ago..why do they want me now?..I have a family..I do not need one that will only ruin what I have now..plus I don't have any idea the kind of people my real parents are nor do I care. They continue to try and meet me and my daughter but I could care less. I have a loving family..I am set with my life..and I do not want to have things interrupted in my life. I am speaking with my biological brother via emails because hes in Iraq but when he gets back I will indeed try and meet him and just him as it wasn't his fault I was placed for adoption..

Answer 13

I was taken from my mother by a pack of lying Nuns and my own grandmother and turned over for adoption.  My mother was told I was dead.  

I was put in foster care for 3 months before going to my adoptive home, which was an absolutely wonderful home with people I adore.  They had no idea of the circumstances of my birth and as we have only just discovered the truth this year, my adoptive Mom is still trying to come to terms with it and hoping my natural Mom doesn't hold her responsible for what happened (she doesn't, how could she).

The adoption was finalized at 1 year until which time my natural Mom had the option to 'change her mind' but how could she?  she thought I was dead.

She couldn't look at a baby for years.  It broke her heart. And it breaks mine.

Having only had the truth in front of me for a few months now, all I had previously was fantasy and conjecture.  The majority of which came from heartless people who told me to leave well enough alone and that she didn't want me and/or I should not 'disrupt' her life.

I was also told that if she was not on any 'mutual consent registry' that she did not want to be 'found'.   Well, why on earth would you go on a registry if you thought someone was dead?  so many flaws in the system of secrecy and shame that permeates adoption law in the USA.

We are so, so happy to be reunited and it has brought peace and closure to both of us.

Why do you ask.

Answer 14

I was adopted at birth. Physically, Mentally, and Emotionally abused by my A. parents.

Adoption should be against the law. If you can have a kid, you can figure out how to raise a kid. And if you want to "give them a better life" then MAKE A BETTER LIFE FOR THEM.

Answer 15

Well I'm not adopted (I'm 12) but my friend's cousins adopted a little boy from Russia a few years ago. I don't really know any details though sorry.