Please tell me what you think?

Question

any criticism on this poem would be greaaatly appreciated!

His pen.

the pen he clenched

in his shaking hand,

anxiously scribbling "it's never worth it"

the pen feet away

watching

as he ended his life.

an accomplice to my friend's suicide,

I hate this pen.

His gun.

the gun he held in his trembling hands,

complying with a demand that would be his last.

fire.

an accomplice to my friend's suicide,

I hate this gun.

My friend.

the friend whose last minutes of life

were spent in sadness.

because of two elements so blinding,

he couldn't realize how missed he'd be.

all it took was one simple

yet irreparable mistake.

all contributing to my friend's suicide,

I miss this friend.

Answer 1

very deep.

Answer 2

wow thats good.

Answer 3

That's kinda sad.

Good Job:D

Answer 4

Is this about someone u knew? Thats sad..    :'[

Answer 5

its a good poem... its sound like in this poem someone's been through a lot in life i love poetry and write it myself i never post my poems on the internet because as you know people steel them... the poem is great! BUT... if you want to write a even better one try putting more feeling into... ^^

Answer 6

I like the personification where the pen watched him.

Your hate for the pen and the gun, such as life that we blame the innocent, is remarkable.

And the idea, so simple to think that if the pen and the gun had not availed themselves to him, your friend might not be gone.

Very eloquent...

Please check mine out too.

http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/?qi...

Answer 7

That was a really miserable, but amazing poem. It really got me thinking.

I loved your style of poem writing. It's very unique, very solemn and insightful. I especially liked the last stanza, and your last line was so moving and sad. Great job!

My only advice to you would be to flow more in your poem. The first two lines of each stanza kind of ends abruptly. Connect them together, and it'd sound a whole lot better.

But your poem was beautiful. Loved it! =D

Answer 8

very... saddening

Answer 9

This poem is very exquisite...

I love it...

I give it a 200/100 ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Answer 10

this is really good :)

Answer 11

This doesn't make sense to me. You write/post about suicide and get praised. I write/post about love and joy and God and get booed.

But the poem is very sobering. It's not my style though.  

Answer 12

For everyone who knows someone who committed suicide it is deep.  

Answer 13

Its really good actually, though you may want to try something else with transition from his holding the pen to it being feet away

Answer 14

Woahhh depressing.

But good :)

Are you gonna get it published?