Please... your thoughts on this poem?

Question

He punctured her dirt soul with his iron cudgel,

She mistook the miracle as a mishap of pain,

After first mistaking it as a movement,

Away from the mundane...

Her earthen body and dirt soul,

Has been staked by man,

Who sees her as ground,

To be trodded upon...

Dark soil upon layers of even darker rock,

She's sturdy, she's strong...

The man stakes his claim,

Never knowing her bellied pain,

He doesn't know,

What darkness of shade,

He has planted in her soiled soul...

He enjoys her shade,

Eats her berries,

Carves his name,

And leaves,

Fall from broken stars in her eyes,

Sap spilling down her shaky trunks,

Hardening before greeting her dirt soul,

Preserving her sorrows in stagnant sweetness...

Answer 1

SICK SICK SICK

Answer 2

It`s really good! I thought you were referring to Adam and Eve when I first read it but then someone said something about that being a terrible way for her to lose her virginity.

What exactly did you intend by this poem?

This poem is artistic, it can be viewed in more than one way like a oil painting. I loved it because as a woman I can relate. I`ve had my share of male chauvinist relationships.

ex. "Who sees her as ground,

To be trodded upon..."

and

"He enjoys her shade,

Eats her berries,

Carves his name,

And leaves,"

I read it a few more times and I get it better. I think I have dyslexia or something. lol It takes me a little longer to get things sometimes!!!

Again beautiful poem!

Answer 3

that was soooooooooooooooooo good

the point was really put across in a beautiful, powerful way

i LOVED it

i could read this over and over and never get bored .. you have a real natural talent for poetry

good luck  .. i would love to see what else you can do

xx

Answer 4

i really like it. and no, im not just saying that.

Answer 5

The story is well done, and could easily be read as a tree's story when they come to tap the trees for the syrup (sap).  However, I see so much more.

This allegorical poem is dark and filled with pain.  The rape captured in powerful words; showing what his thoughts of this young girl are by leaving her dirt soul.  This is something she will live with forever -- a sad way to lose her virginity and then be left with what "He ... planted in her soiled soul..."

Well done.

T.

Answer 6

BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL

Answer 7

I thought it was a good poem. : )