Pls...Pls help! tell me should I not care about his ex-wife keeps calling him and he lied?

Question

My boyfried is getting divorce, he already got the paper from Judge and court, their marriage will be over in early Octorber. Recently his (ex)wife keeps calling him, asked to stop by or to see him, so far I know he all rejected. But one thing worries me is he doesn't answer her calls in front of me, but he answered her calls when I was not around, and he lied to me, he said she never called and he didn't talk to her without me there. I am sure he didn't go to see her, but why he is afraid to talk to her in front of me? why he lied about she called when I wasn't there? Is it because he doesn't want to have trouble or fight with me? or there should be something else?

I know she wants to try work out the marriage (even in the beginning she insisted divorce), and I asked him would he try work out with her? He positvely told me he is 100% in love with me, he doesn't want to go back to the same road, he wants to be with me and marry me soon after the divorce finalized. And we are trying to have a baby now even not marry yet because he wants to.

Should I not push him too hard for those calls? People say there are always some secret between a couple, and we should leave some space to each other..........I am vevy confused now, what should I do? Do I really think too much. Pls...Pls.....somebody tell me?

Answer 1

It is really so touchy when dealing with married people. People should have their space but not when another woman is involved. When I met my husband he was divorced but him and his ex had a child visitation arrangement. If he wanted to see his daughter he had to stay the night at his ex's house. After we met he told her that he wouldnt do that anymore and she was pissed. At one point the calls were so bad I just told him to get out of my house, thats what it took for him to know I was serious. You have to understand they have a history and alot of feelings involved, I surely wouldnt be working on kids til the divorce is way final.    

Answer 2

I think that when a couple is separating sometimes they need to talk about the logistics. How things are going to happen or whats going on at the time with each others lives. He probably doesn't talk to her in front of you so he can keep the peace, it keeps her from saying "so shes there" and it keeps you from saying "your talking to her again" he probably just says what he has to and hangs up. if he loved her and wanted to be back with her he wouldn't be there with you. so give him the space till they are divorced an then throw him a divorce party when its over.  

Answer 3

I would never suggest anyone to stay with a partner that lies. Your life will always be full of doubts and questions.

We don't lie because we have done a good deed. We lie because we have done something wrong. But I'm sure you all ready know that.

Answer 4

I don't think you're imagining things. If he's lying, he's a liar. If you can live with that, good luck.

Answer 5

No..somehting isn't right. If there was nothing to hide he would answer her calls with or without you around, but being as though he only answers when you are not around that tells you that he don't want you to hear whatever his response is to her. and if he didn't want to be bothered he wouldn't answer her calls at all!

Answer 6

RED FLAGS, read what you typed and ask yourself how you would help this person, YOU BETTER RUN AWAY FROM THIS GUY!!

Answer 7

You need to wise up and run as fast as you can away from this mess.  Do you think the ex is just gonna go away because you get married to him?  Do you think there is no reason for him to be hiding talking to the ex?  Don't you think there is some sort of encouragement if she keeps calling?  Why do you want to begin life with someone with so much baggage that is sure to have a great  negative effect on your life?  

Answer 8

In every relationship TRUST is a very important factor. Transparency builds TRUST. So such secrecy can weave doubts in your mind and you need it least at the moment since you are still building your relationship. Talk to him about it...talk to him how you feel and what you want.

Answer 9

Yes you should run in the other direction Because I fell for the same lies and it's a bunch of bs he's feeding you.Men will tell you anything to keep you at bay.Sweethart you can do better.My x did the same thing only I was the one who left and proud of it.And when I did I went out and partied my *** off.The funny thing is I still see him from time to time passing by.All I can say is he's not worth it he's a dog once a dog always a dog!Kick his *** to the curb where it belongs.

Answer 10

OK here is the thing...If he started a relationship with you soon after leaving his wife or God forbid if you were the reason why he left his wife...9 times out of 10 your relationship will not last.  If you really care for this guy I suggest you give him space to work out whatever he needs to work out with his ex and don't influence his decision in anyway.

Definitely do not get pregnant before you marry him.  (Bad idea)  Be his friend and suspend judgment regarding the telephone calls and his ex-wife.  Let him have his private conversations, she is his ex-wife, they did share something in the past that you had nothing to do with and its their right to processes those emotions so that they can both move on.  Try not to be insecure.  If you know he loves you then trust in that.  On the other hand if he is not totally yours and still have feeling for his ex, you'd want to know that too even if it hurts so provide him some space and pray he'll do the right things to sustain you relationship.  If he doesn't then he wasn't for you.

Answer 11

You must get a hold of yourself and not get so insecure you drive him away or back to his wife. He is avoiding talking to her in front of you (and honestly, that is his prerogative and you need to respect him enough to let him talk to his ex without you hovering and listening, that's terrible, no one would want that. You have no right and no reason to want to listen to his conversations with her. Right now it is a very very difficult emotion time for him, you must back way way off or you will lose him altogether. Right now you need to put all your insecurities and emotions away and focus on giving him all the space and time and privacy he needs.

Answer 12

Not divorced from her, not married to you, babies too soon, lies, and deceit on his behalf...SLOW DOWN! What is his hurry? Talks to her behind your back, then lies about it...RED Flag!! You need to run from this disaster-in-the-making!