Plzzz help I get angry when my MIL comes and enjoys at my house. i HATE HER SO MUCH. Plzzzz hel?

Question

I have moved to a new place near new york that is just magical. i have a nice hubby. He is supportive but of course loves his parents too. He is very understanding about the fact that I dont like her but there are some things he has to do like invite his parents once every 2/3 yrs to America etc, go visit them etc.I actually see them roughly once every year for about a month.She has a problem with my SIL too.

We are from Asia and my MIL and FIL visited us once earlier when we did not have anything and lived in an average place in the suburbs in a different state. My MIL used to say I get bored, no ppl to look at, no parks no nothing, one needs to drive for anything. They are from Asia, cant speak much English and not many Asians were around. Now my SIL is preggers and I am trying to conceive. If I do then there are good chances she will come next summer. I am driving myself crazy thinking about how much she will enjoy here. We have a small aprtment but its so luxurious. Lots of asians around, lots of places to enjoy, basically a total city life with a huge park next block. We also have Asian channels on TV now. I feel she will love it too much and will tell my hubby she does not feel like going back which will make him guilty. Also even if she goes back, honestly, I hate her so much that her enjoyment at my house makes me cringe. I know I am being too frank now. Please help my mind stop thinking all and please tell me what I can do to make her enjoy less. When she visits its usually for a month and we cannot reduce that time. A month at my place and a month and BIL's place. I cannot put her in hotel too. She WILL stay with me. Please suggest and give advice revolving around these facts.

I am ruining my present bcoz of this. Maybe I have a disorder. Please help.

Answer 1

In-laws have a great effect, good or bad, on a relationship.  It sounds as though you have never gotten close to your MIL and she just wants to be part of your life.  With the plan of having children, she is going to want to be involved more in the role of grandmother.  My fiancee is from Asia also and will soon be moving to the states with me, so I expect there with be some emotions there with the separation.    

Answer 2

When your MIL comes, get some cockroaches or other equally nasty things, and release then in her room about the third day in their stay there. That's a particularly good one, particularly if she's one of those annoying guests who leaves food or sweets in their room.

If there is someone in the house who keeps reptiles, get him to pretend that one of them got loose, like a boa constrictor or something.

Get it in writing, set out with your lawyer, and agreed with your husband, that your MIL does not stay a minute longer than a month (a MONTH?! I don't suppose it ever occurred to her that anyone can have too much of a good thing?) or you will sue him for divorce. Naturally he could do the same for your family.

The thing is, though, to make sure that she doesn't want to stay too long. So investigate what pest you can introduce to your house that will either embarrass her or disgust her into going. Personally if any family member of mine decided to stay longer than suited me, I'd simply tell them to leave.  

Answer 3

You are upsetting yourself about some things which might never happen.

MIL will  visit.  She will probably have a more enjoyable time in your new home.  Your husband does want to be a dutiful son to his parents.

I'm not sure why you feel so strongly about her.  Your question doesn't tell me if she is rude, cold, insulting, or mean to you in your own home.   If she does not behave correctly, your husband has every right to gently say that she is a guest in your house and you deserve respect.

She is the mother of your husband, and will be the grandmother of your child.  Was she a good mother to your husband?  

You fear she will intrude on your life even more than now, and that you can't handle that.  You want to feel your home is your own special place and people come there only when you invite them.  My husband and I talked this over after our marriage, when I learned his mother was accustomed to deciding on her own she would come and would call to let us know she would be arriving!  That is not how things were done in my family.   My husband came to see my point of view and let his mother know we would be doing things a bit differently.  She actually took it very well.

If you have a child, your MIL's relationship with that child will be dependent on you and your good will.  She should be motivated to please you and be considerate of your feelings.

I hope I am saying some thing here which help in some way-- I understand your feelings and want you to have peace and harmony in your home and marriage.

Answer 4

Whoa!! slow down hun, take a breather! OK, now all u have to do is tell her straight up if she starts with the guilt trip, or manipulation on your hubby, about wanting to stay longer than the original time, u just tell her that u cannot afford for her to stay longer, and u only agreed w/the one month time .Be straight up w/her hun, you have the same rights as ur hubby as to say how long she's allowed to stay, i'm quite sure if he had a problem w/any of ur family members coming over u will have to hear him out, and allow them to stay as long as u two agreed upon, so likewise he need to be OK with it too,He needs to understand how much his mom annoys u and you're not saying that u won't allow her to come at all, u are just saying No about her staying longer than he agreed time.