Poem - Commands Of The Heart - What Do You Think?

Question

We walk the same path hand in hand

But yet we don't quite understand

Self-doubt dominates emotion

As does our love and devotion

I have heard trust has to be earned

Time must pass for it to be learned

But recognition began at the start

We must heed commands of the heart

Answer 1

I did enjoy it, but I would have liked 4 more lines, maybe those lines lie in your future and as of this moment are unknown.

add: I like cliches; hope you don't change anything.

Answer 2

your listening from the right place.

heartfelt matters are not torture./ahem.

Answer 3

This is really an awesome poem and it really makes sense how love and life go at times.

Answer 4

Good verse! It reflects a bit of wisdom. I agree with neonman about S1,L2 It does sound a bit "over-used" but I like your ending line. Overall, A well written piece...keep writing.

Good luck,

Lulle

Answer 5

i like it... sounds unfinished though, good poem, i'd urge yu to work on it a bit and take it somewhere... im sure it'll be a good place where it ends!

Answer 6

The poor man, tortured by a Hippie chick like this...

Answer 7

o0o0o! its pretty good, kinda short, but good. if you have anymore poems, id love to read them....send'm to [e-mail]

Answer 8

And who are you flirting with and wondering about?  Self-doubt, cast it out, rid yourself of that anchor and go for the gusto! lol  Nice, reflective piece.  Borderline cliche on S2L1 but you offset it with 'I have heard.'

Answer 9

i thought it was well written and rhymed

but agree with prior poster who said it seemed short ...i felt the poem was cropped....lured the reader in then stopped short .

perhaps the addition of a verse or two [not all poems have to be ten pages long i understand] and lengthen the lines as some didnt fit with a poetic flow

for example ...great lines

"self doubt dominates emotion

as does our love and devotion"

just felt it was less flowing than the two lines that preceeded them

perhaps simple additions may make the flow more natural ...

like

"self doubt dominates OUR emotion[s]

as does our OWN love and devotion "

adding little words and an s may make more of a difference than thought.

this technique can be followed on the second paragraph aswell,as it seemed cropped again [not saying disliked it just trying to help flow be more natural ]

consider :

"i have heard that trust MUST be earned

AND THAT time must pass for US TO LEARN

but recognition HAS TO BEGIN at the start

AND we must heed THE commands of the heart"

[adjusting a word here or there may make the natural flow more believeable ...and helps readers focus whilst reading "

goodluck and hope i helped

michelle  

Answer 10

I read a quote some time ago,

"We can't demand respect we command it."

this quote came to mind as I read your insightful poem, Kudos