Poem: Falling Sky - what do you think of this interpretation?

Question

Falling Sky

(Based on Walking with the Dinosaurs)

Victoria Tarrani. All rights reserved.

Copyright © (0006.24)

Feel the rhythm of the falling sky

tasting of magic that has gone awry

caustic raindrops full of alkali

the day of destruction is magnified.

Nepheline cries as the rocks go by

Phonolite rings as the particles fly

fiery Magma burns to sanctify

the volcanic ash into fireflies.

Feldspar birthed with the greatest sigh

while mother Earth shows a glassy eye

of crystalline tears that will mollify

the dinosaurs in their last good-bye.

An asteroid's trip cannot be denied

crashing through the molten side

of tectonic plates that shift and glide

to settle with a new seaside.

The aviary links verify

survival as they multiply

bringing life as they deify

saying once again the Earth is spry.

Answer 1

I can feel the earth shaking,the unbearable heat.Well done, I love all your poetry.You took me someplace I have never been before.

Answer 2

I think this could be one of your top 3 poems.

I look at this and it causes me to wonder why! where did the epiphany originate for you to write this poem. I ask because I know you are a theist, but this poem is about evolution and chance. your use of vocabulary is excellent;

survival as they multiply

bringing life as they deify< this is natural selection, a wonderful perspective

all in all I class this as one of your best

keep them coming Tori, you shadow us all

Answer 3

Wow.

So this is what happened to Jurassic Park.  I thought they shut the place down.

Good.  As always I like your use of words to paint a picture.

Answer 4

You are in rare form today! So many poets - including some that are quite good - never reach beyond the minutiae of their own lives as a source of inspiration. Here you choose a theme that is literally cosmic in its dimensions, which is refreshing in itself. And this is a tour de force. I enjoyed this SO much. [And I learned two new words!]

Answer 5

It is poetry like this that makes me realize how talented you are. There is no one here that writes better than you, and I look forward to reading your poems daily. You truly choose your words carefully and place them time and time again in the right place.

...crystalline tears that mollify... rhythm of the falling sky... cool

add: never change content for the sole purpose of making a line rhyme better... please.(smile)

Answer 6

Nepheline cries , i love it! Keep up the great writing.

Answer 7

Tori, you are writing about one of my favorite programs ever.  And my not so secret passion for paleontology.  Yes, the birds...interesting to think that turkey on the table is T-Rex's cousin. This is wonderful!

Answer 8

The assonant end rhyme is absolutely breathtaking. I find myself enscorcelled by your science, concrete knowledge of the world delving out into the arcane which once was my dominion, until I realize that the two are intertwined, two forces conjoined that we consistently try to alienate, denying that the one has birth in the other and the other applications in the one.

But enough of the ramblings of a mad poet. I must say you leave me speechless with this work, the words that bring to mind dictionary definitions, but not pictures, and I find that I am greatly intrigued by that which goes beyond the pictures that are not painted but that lie on the latent canvas of words. Intrigue me again, I pray, bend my mind to wear it ventures past perception into a world of time that was there...then gone, with only fossilized memory, in the end, the only guarantee.

Answer 9

interesting i like the continuious ryme scheme but i would suggest that to keep it constant you might find a way to change "magnified" into "magnify" on the 4th line.  

Answer 10

Ah so is this what the Dinosaurs saw?  Wow!  

Answer 11

This is very interesting.  It is difficult to sustain a rhyme for four lines of a single stanza, yet you've managed to do it effectively for five stanzas!  "magnified" is a little off-key, but close enough to sustain the rhyme.

I like the flow of most of the lines, and you couldn't ask for a more literate association of sophisticated words into an elegant poem.  Rather than sounding pompous or stiff, they flow easily and paint a very clear image and provide proper context for the images.  

The only thing I'd suggest is to use your ear a little more...have someone read your lines out loud and "listen"..."tasting of magic..." is off...you could have said, "taste the magic" and the flow and "sound" would have improved...without compromising the meaning...the same goes with "the day of destruction"...why not, "destruction's day"?  Also reconsider the use of "the" before "volcanic" and "dinosaurs"...you could drop the "the" from each and it would tighten it up while improving the flow.  Again, listen and let your ear see where it sounds too prosy and where the beat falters.

...nicely done...keep writing

Answer 12

Very good poem, Chicken Little. The powers of poetry will never fail.