Poem I wrote, what do you think?

Question

Hidden wishes of a broken dream;

Kept forever in a forbidden stream

Of broken hearts and fallen tears;

Drowning in deciit and unsung fears.

Was running a race I didn't know I was in.

There's the finish line, but do I want to win?

You came in to rescue me from everything.

I fell into your arms and now I'm living.

Now I live for you;

Putting your perfection in everything I do.

Oh I'm falling for you

And it's everything to know; you're falling too.

I'll catch you, before I catch my breath.

And I'll love you, till my very death.

Your eyes, your smile, your mind

All consume my thoughts of every kind.

I love everything you are;

Forever, no matter how bizzare.

And I'll love all you aspire to be.

I trust and support you completely.

For you I'd run a mile with chains on my andkles.

You are my life, my handsome angel.

Your wishes and dreams become mine.

A world without you is a world so malign.

At every sunset and sunrise,

Burns in my mind, the memory of you

Answer 1

I love it!

Answer 2

Lover everything except the second stanza.  It was awkward and hard to read, but it does propel it into the love theme.  My advice would be to re-write the second stanza and its all good

Answer 3

that was beatiful.

expertly done. :]

Answer 4

Its confusing and doesnt make sense until the loving part, and this part

You came in to rescue me from everything.

I fell into your arms and now I'm living.

doesnt rhyme

Answer 5

I LOVE IT!!!!

Answer 6

great! I think this line could be stronger..."A world without you is a world so malign."  ( I wouldn't use so as an adjective hear; it weakens the stanza.)