Poem I wrote: Truthful conversation: Can you Critique?

Question

A truthful Conversation with God

Looking for excuses to

"not do things your way"

Even though I know

What your word does say!

Now you my Father never

go back upon your word

You promised things forever

there's promises "secured"

It's us who do the backing out

when things just seem "too hard"

Anyone is willing to play

when holding the winning card

But what about this covenant

Made from me to thee

and Us to you and you to us

who died to make men free?

And that is our relationship

it's "every day's a choice"

and we can choose to run away

or listen to your voice

We make all our excuses

but you're always such a friend

Waiting waiting for our repentance

til the bitter end..............

Maybe we can turn around

and find that NOW, today

All the blessings you bestowed

are always "on their way'

By Laura S.

Answer 1

The Father Is Awesome!

Answer 2

NOT BAD NOT BAD AT ALL!!!! =] I like it though!!! Man did God speak to you because everything you wrote could be true!!!! Keep on working!!!!

Answer 3

Interesting, I like the concept, but the wording is too simple. Use a thesaurus to add more depth.

I like the way you think, though.

Answer 4

A fine poem with good rhyme, meter and message. (I would not double space the lines within the stanzas).

Answer 5

a thesaurus is a very good idea...I have one...a "Gold Mine" of meaningful words to express! "Very Good!" Loved it...I am sure that you are a growing artist!