Poem I wrote after waking up from a nightmare. Do I have potential in poetry. its the 3rd poem ive ever wrote?

Question

**Twisted Dreams**

Clouded eyes breath in my fear,

pulsing stab wounds down my spine,

Ahhh. will they understand my altered mind,

Kind, Loving, Oceans with blue naked tides

So devine, you are my last chance, speak now, tell now

give me a sign....

swallow my breath, eat through my scattered memories playing .......trampling...left to right, nineteen seventy five

What an entrance, through wormholes and divinity,

down trails of blue and red clouds,

hundred thousand foot drop down the shimmering crystal tears

thrust back into my body, brought back to life,

when knowing it was ill fated,

it was all a twisted lie, all in spite, all despaired,

The old man with the shiny beard no longer reaches

out, the dream is over ,

it will never end

Open my eyes

Answer 1

The visualizations are good.

However, it doesn't really make sense and there is no main idea.

Structure and flow both need work, next time when you write one make sure you have a specific idea you want to convey.

Answer 2

Makes me really feel like I'm there, confused and terrified... but you might want to work on the rhythm, the flow, and stuff like that. You are free to hate me. You are free to be offended. You don't have to listen to me, I'm a ten year old kid who is crazy about writing.

Here are some questions: The first line-- how do clouded eyes breathe in fear? Eyes breathe? I am going to assume you meant those to be separate.

What do you mean by 'through wormholes and divinity'? How can you go through divinity? Do you mean infinity? I'll just pretend you said yes so I can add that to my revision...

Here is my revised version of your poem, some things I don't understand but it makes it seem more like a dream, I rephrased and reworded some stuff, hope you don't mind, and remember, you can make up some stuff or change things in your writing! Talk about a run on sentence...

Eyes clouded over

Breathing in fear

Stab wounds pulsing up and

down my spine,

Will they understand my altered mind?

Kind, soothing oceans with naked blue tides.

So, divine, you are my last hope:

Speak now

Tell me now

Give me a sign...

Swallowing my breath, sorting through a

torrent of scattered memories...

left to right...

nineteen seventy-five...

What an entrance, through wormholes and infinity,

down trails of ruby and sapphire streaked clouds,

a hundred thousand foot drop through the shimmering crystal tears.

Sucked back into my body and

brought back to reality,

knowing it was all a twisted lie...

the old man with the shining beard no longer

reaching out.

The dream is over.

It will never end.

I open my eyes.

Don't be discouraged if people don't like your poetry, you should write more, the visualization is awesome. This may sound lame, but the more you work on it, the better you'll get! You can research about poetry on the Internet, more about rhythm and structure will help. I did that. You can also learn to restrain your free verse more... that may sound strange, but even free verse needs flow and rhythm and constant movement.

I hope you continue to write! AND I MEAN IT!!! :)

Answer 3

That is bloody brilliant. I love it. You really have a rare talent, wow!

Answer 4

Great job!  I believe that anyone who has the gift of concisely writing down their own feelings like you did has a future in poetry.

One simple reason is that "feelings" are universal, we all have them, and you will always have an audience, some who can relate to what you have to say. Some will wish they could have done the same thing.  Good job.

I say yes, you ot only have potential, but you just might be helping and encouraging someone else!  Keep on writing.

Answer 5

No.

Answer 6

Its a pretty good poem, but it has no structure.

The idea is good, but sort of jumpy.

The imagery is wonderful, though.

Answer 7

Yes, but you would be better at writing lryics for a song.