Poem Please Respond!?

Question

It's main focous is loss.

The aching of reality drifts by

I don't understand why

Is it me and or you that achs

or is it me the aching of reality

why and why I ask and still no response

Is it me or you?

Answer 1

short n sweet

Answer 2

i like it but i would change the last line to

is it me or is it you

that is the only thing i would change but other wise its great i wish my boyfriend would write poems even if it is sad or a breakup poem because it shows a great deal of sensitively in a guy and thats what i would like in a guy

please excuse the spelling

thanks

Answer 3

deep, very deep, can i ask what/who inspired it?

Answer 4

i loveeee it. i only like poems that have emotion to them, and this one does. it has a whole boatload of emotion. i believed you while reading it. you made me feel emotion. AH-MAZING!

Answer 5

I am the still point of this turning world

You are the axis 'round which I still spin

It is you finger 'round which I am curled

And that is the predicament I'm in.

The grinding wheel of life adorns my head

And you still spin it, watch my anguish, laugh --

I love you, yet I wish that you were dead

And that this torment were reduced by half.

Yet at this price, I could not long endure

My heart would heave and shatter utterly;

But still, I love you, though with love less pure,

And I endure what is and cannot be.

Thus are the throes of lovers chained to life,

Which wounds and then with malice twists the knife.

How do you like my poem?!

Answer 6

It's nice, but some parts don't make sense. Please don't be offended.

OK, to start with: 'is it me and or you that aches/or is it me the aching of reality.' Maybe you mean, 'Is it you who aches/ or is it me who bears the aching of reality?' And try to use a different word, not aches or ache or aching, like 'or is it me who bears the pain of reality?'

'why and why I ask and still no response' doesn't make much sense either. How about '"Why?" I ask and still with no answer.'

Otherwise, it's a wonderful and very heartfelt piece. I really feel the raw emotion. Hope you keep writing! And I mean it! :)

Answer 7

short  and meaningful

Answer 8

I hope this helps, it is meant to...for sure.

First achs needs to be spelled aches and I think it would be very cool to, at the end quickly make it join and go deeper into reality.  I would try for the last lines to be something like.

Does it really even matter

for the pain surrounds

and without unity

it will surely engulf us

Just a stab, truly hope it helps

Cool I like it

thanks again,

Hartdawg

Answer 9

The aching of reality drifts by

I don't understand why

Is it me or you that aches

or is it me faced with the pain of reality

why and why I ask and still no response

Is it me or you?