Poem? Poem? Poem?

Question

Love don't live here!

Love threw it's clothes in a Gucci bag,

Then clicked heels to a taxi cab.

Daggers thrown from it's iris.

Couldn't dock,

Had the port blocked like a pirate.

Love swashbuckled, snacthed loot and skipped.

Love came equipped,

Love spit venom from her lips.

Love don't live here.

Answer 1

please end with love lives every where

your poem is excellent

you kindly add some emotion and mix with laugh,you will find it super excellent

Answer 2

Nice Poem!   Semper Fi!

You are very talented.  Do you ever try to publish your Poems?  I know its hard to publish books of poetry but different magazines accept them.  Good luck

Answer 3

Lovely love, you sweet sweet dove

fly away, go away and stay away

for your love is not my love!

Well said.

Answer 4

Very effective imagery, rhyme and meter (irregular), but the typo in line 7 needs to be corrected (snacthed) and lines  2 and 4 have a grammatical error (it's is the contraction of it + is).

It's interesting that love isn't gendered until line 9 (her lips), though the imagery implies that love is female. The pronouns referring to love until line 9 are all neutral (its). I wonder if this was planned. . .

Answer 5

This is a cool read Semper.

Minor suggestion: Consider mentioning love only at the begining and the end of the poem. Like so:

Love don't live here!

Threw its clothes in a Gucci bag,

Clicked heels to a taxi cab.

Daggers thrown from it's iris.

Couldn't dock,

Had the port blocked like a pirate.

Swashbuckled, snacthed loot and skipped.

Came equipped,

Spit venom from her lips.

Love don't live here.

You could also choose to put a break between your last line setting it off alone...that might bring additional emphasis--something to think about.

Best,

Todd

Answer 6

A good poem Semper Fi.

Answer 7

This one is modern and sophisticated, very rare for Marine life...

Answer 8

You've described the absence of real love perfectly.

Answer 9

I like it just like it is. Only one thing, the pirate should have made her walk the plank! Thanks.