Poem: Rainbow in the Storm -- please critique?

Question

Rainbow in the Storm

By Victoria Tarrani

(© 0112.10)

The valiant warrior

with shield raised high,

her sword a lightning bolt

in the sky,

stood on the hill

above shattered stone

and guided those –

lost and alone.

Stormy clouds,

a swirling shrine,

a rainbow between

sky and waterline,

the promise

of a sweeter day

when pain of loss

would fade away.

Answer 1

I will never top Eva's answer... especially in the mental state I am in... she directed me to this poem and i am so glad she did... I read it four times and am likely to read it again... If no one else answers give this one to Eva... she deserves it!

Blessed be, Siren

Answer 2

I am a fan of goddess figures and warrioresses in poetry. I picture Athena, goddess of wisdom and battle, on a hill, her shield held high, guiding those who will see across the theoretical rainbow to safety. I don't know how deep your knowledge of mythology runs, but, if my sources are correct, Athena was the only child that Zeus would let wield his lightning bolts, so your third and fourth line run deeper.

I must tell you, one thing I love so deeply about your poetry is that I can often find a double or triple meaning in the lines. Especially in your first line, you mention that it is a warrior, then break the expected with "her sword." You use the masculine form of the noun to describe a woman. Profound, impacting, and beautiful.

Thank you.

Answer 3

I just wanted to say that `Stormy clouds,/a swirling shrine,/a rainbow between sky and waterline' is a beautiful use of rhyme and metre, and the two possibilities of scansion, with an elided accent:

a rainbow between/sky and waterline

-`-`-`-`-` or -`---`-`-`

wonderfully convey the sense of submersion in these lines.

I confess that `a sweeter day' `promise' and `swirling shrine' make me think more of Noah than Greek mythology, but when I read it, I felt this was a picture too pretty to interrogate too much.

Please do not think this trivial reply was posted to confound Siren Reborn's excellent taste in answers; this faint voice presumes only to affirm it.